Chapter 17
Courtney – POV?
I knew something was wrong when Ava said she didn’t want to draw. She loved drawing and had talked about it all the way to the school, yet something happened between the time she went to find Ms. Andi and came back to where Thane and I were standing.
In less than 20 minutes, something changed and although she was smiling and laughing, I knew I had to keep an eye on her. I wanted her to enjoy the day, to enjoy being around Thane’s family, those that accepted her and treated her like a princess.
I hoped that with her walking around with Ethan and talking to people, she would be okay.
But I was wrong.
I saw the way her shoulders dropped, how she seemed frozen to her spot, barely breathing. How the color bled from her face as her hands started to shake.
I said something to Thane, but I don’t remember what.
I do recall standing from my chair, yelling Ava’s name as I rushed to her, but I was too late. She had pulled her hands up to her ears and let out a scream that froze the blood in my veins.
Oh God! It’s going to be a bad one, I thought as I bundled her up in my arms and raced out of the tented area, whispering in her ear as she continued to scream.
I was vaguely aware of people following me, running ahead and clearing a path, but like every other time Ava was triggered, I felt that I was far away, like my body was here but my mind was sent back to that night that caused all of this.
I ran to the back of the Inn, to the large pond, hoping that the quiet would help but knowing that nothing truly helped until she had tired herself out. So, I sank down on the cool, shaded ground and held on tight as she continued to scream and cry. Her tears burning my neck as she let herself go.
Eventually, the screaming stopped, and the pleading started.
“I’s want my mommy! Where’s daddy?” she wailed, pushing herself away from me. “I’s want my mommy and daddy!”
I held on, knowing that she was about to start kicking and hitting, that she was going to throw herself out of my arms if I didn’t hold on, so I did.
I wrapped myself tightly around her, telling her how much I loved her, how much her parents loved her, her grandparents loved her.
Then I felt it.
Massive arms wrapped around both Ava and I, a searing warmth heated my side as he scooped as both into his lap and held on.
Thane.
Thane was here.
I held on tighter to Ava as I cried. I let everything out – all the pent up sadness, anger, frustration, despair and loneliness came boiling out, but still he held us both.
I don’t know how long we stayed there on the ground, but at some point, Ava had passed out in my arms while Thane sat there rocking us back and forth. My eyes felt swollen, my throat tight from all the crying and I was tired.
So tired.
“Thane?” I choked out.
“I’m here, honey,” he murmured quietly, brushing a hand down my arm. “I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
I wanted to kiss him. God, I wanted to kiss him, to absorb his strength and warmth and keep it for myself.
“Come on, sweetheart,” he said, relaxing his tight hold on both Ava and I. “Let Sean get Ava so we all can go inside, alright.”
My head was fuzzy, and my body was tired, but I jerked when I realized that everyone was either sitting on the ground or standing around us … waiting.
“Oh my God,” I groaned, “none of you should be here.” I sat up and looked at everyone – and I mean everyone – standing in the backyard.
All of Thane’s family, including Hunter and Ethan.
Mako, who had a death grip on Hunter’s arm was plastered to his side, wiping tears from her eyes.
Ms. Andi, Ava’s teacher, was standing off to the side near Devin.
Stella from the bakery and Bernice from the flower shop were both seated on the fountain’s ledge, with Gene, the grizzly old man from the hardware store standing close by with his arms folded over his chest.
“I’m so sorry,” I stumbled, trying to sit up with Ava in my arms, “I’m so sor –”
“None of that love,” Helen was in front of my before I could blink. “We are family, darling. Family always shows up.” She brought a soft hand to my face and cupped my cheek, rubbing the tears away.
Family. God, I hadn’t hoped to have a family again.
“Here sweetheart,” Sean’s deep voice rolled over me, “let me take Cupcake inside, alright.”
I simply nodded and let him pick her up as if she weighed nothing and took a few steps back.
Helen held out her hands for me and I was grateful for the help. Before I could completely stand, Thane was already turning me into his arms which he wrapped around me in a bruising hug. “I’m here, baby. Everything is going to be okay. We will work it out, I promise.”
I could feel the tears building up, threatening to choke me, so I nodded and buried myself in his warmth for a few more seconds before I pulled myself away to look at everyone else.
Stella and Bernice came up and gave me a hug and told me that if I needed anything to just let them know and they would be happy to help.
Gene quietly walked up, kissed my head, patted my cheek and turned to leave.
I cleared my throat, “I guess I should explain.”
“Only if you want to Courtney,” Patrick said softly, holding Helen in his arms. “We are not going to pressure you, we just want you to know that we are here for both of you, no matter what.”
I opened and closed my mouth. It was still hard to believe that I was so lucky to find this place, to find these people but I was truly fortunate, and they deserved to know what was happening, what was causing Ava’s to have these horrible episodes.
“If we could go inside, I want to tell you,” I croaked. Clearing my throat again, I looked at Thane, “I need to tell you.”
“Alright, honey, let’s go inside.” Thane kept a hand on my lower back, guiding me towards the back door.
We followed Helen to the family’s private seating area in the backroom of the Inn where we all took a seat. Thane had bundled me onto his lap, while Sean sat at the other end of the sofa, cradling Ava in his arms.
Hunter had his arm wrapped around Ethan and he braced the other over Mako’s lap, her arms holding onto his for comfort.
Devin stood behind the large wingback chair that Ms. Andi was sitting in as I had asked her to stay since I felt it would be important for her to know Ava’s background.
Megan was sitting with Helen and Patrick on another small sofa.
“The reason why we are here is because of the accident that happened nearly a year ago. Ava had just turned four so my parents, her Dodo and Lolo, my brother and sister-in-law, her parents were taking her to a fair. I had met up with them afterwards and we all spent the day together,” I said,
smiling sadly, “it was a perfect day.”
I held onto Thane’s hand as memories assaulted me, eating funnel cakes, waiting in line for the roller coasters, riding the hot air balloons, laughing and playing with everyone.
“When it was time to go, Ava wanted to ride with me so everyone else got into my brother’s SUV while I loaded Ava into my car. We were following behind them a few car links when a semi-truck ran a redlight and … and they flipped into on-coming traffic, then they … they were hit again and –”
“Breathe honey,” Thane murmured, rubbing his large hand up and down my back, soothing me. “You’re not alone.”
I buried my face in his neck, just breathing in his scent, soaking up his warmth.
“I remember screaming as I pulled over. I left Ava in the car and ran to help but … but, oh God, it was crushed. I couldn’t even see the front seat and the back seat was so mangled that …”
I had to stop and take several deep breaths, my hand digging into Thane’s shirt.
“I was so busy trying to help that I didn’t notice Ava had unbuckled from the car seat and made her way over to the accident and that she was climbing the side of the SUV where her mom sat, screaming and crying for her to wake up.
“There were so many people, so much noise and chaos, I think that is why she covers her ears, she’s trying to block all the noise, but it doesn’t go away. When she has an episode, it’s like we both are right back at the scene with all the noise, the screaming and yelling,
the smell of gasoline and smoke.”
At some point, Helen had brought me a glass of water, and I thankfully gulped it down. Sean had tightened his hold on Ava, and the other men were trying to comfort the women who were crying.
“She can be provoked by loud noises or large crowds. I know she won’t get into an SUV or car, that’s why I’m driving my father’s truck, she doesn’t feel safe in anything else. I know sometimes someone calling out for their mom or dad can set her off if it catches her off guard.”
Andi gasped, her hands flying over her mouth.
“Oh God, it’s all my fault. At the drawing event, some of the kids were stuck on what to draw so I told them to draw what makes them happy … like their mommy and daddy.”
Her eyes were welling up with tears, “I remember that Ava had slammed her crayons down and left. I … I’m so sorry, Courtney.”
Devin sat down on the armrest and pulled Andi into his side as she started crying.
I sat up carefully on Thane’s lap, “no, please. It’s not your fault. I … we just have to figure out a way for her to cope. She can’t go through life ignoring noises or crowds, and we can’t expect people not to mention their families. It’s not going to happen,
and she needs to learn to manage her emotions or at the very least have a better outlet for her episodes.”
“What about therapy?” Mako said, still holding onto Hunter’s arm. “Do you think if she talked it out, processed it, that it may help?”
“Yes, actually we tried therapy before, but …”
I stood from Thane’s lap and walked to where Ava was sleeping peacefully in Sean’s arms, “… but the therapist thought using exposure therapy would work best so he started talking about the accident, and our family in detail. Ava eventually stopped talking altogether.
It wasn’t until a few months ago that she started talking again, but it was stilted, baby talk. Not that I cared, as long as she started talking again, I was happy.”
I walked back to hug Thane, “I’ve never seen her as happy as she has been since we came here. Her episodes have lessened a lot and she’s talking and smiling a lot more.”
“We will help, honey,” Thane said, gathering me closer, “we will all help.”
“Of course, we will,” Helen said, and stepped closer, “we will do everything we can to help you both.”
Patrick stood, walked over and pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in his fatherly embrace. “Sweetheart, I am so sorry for how much you have been through, but as a father, I know yours would be proud for all that you have done.”
I started crying again. Silent sobs racked my body as I held onto Patrick. “You have done well, sweetheart and that’s all anyone can ask of you.”
“Alright, Hunter,” Helen said, “see that Mako get’s home safely. Devin, walk Andi home. Megan, prepare Thane’s room so they can sleep here. Sean, go put Ava in his room.”