Chapter 35
Jack
The Birth
“Jack, that is the fifth time you’ve looked at your phone in the last thirty seconds,” Granny huffs. “Why don’t you just go up there?”
“She doesn’t want me there, Granny,” I sigh miserably. “And maybe she’s right. I don’t know what I was thinking, basically moving in with her. I should have known better, should have set better boundaries for both of us.”
“What you were thinking, grandson of mine,” she says, “Is that she asked you to stay. So you did. You saw a friend in need, and you did what you could to help. That’s the way I raised you, and I won’t sit here and listen to you act like you did something wrong.”
“And don’t you go thinking she did anything wrong either,” she says sternly, pointing a finger at me. “Any of it. I don’t care what anyone says, asking you to stay was not inappropriate. And asking you to leave, well.” She purses her lips, choosing her words carefully.
“Well, that’s well within her rights,” she says. “Whether or not that was the wrong choice isn’t up to us. We do funny things in grief, and we can’t pretend to know what she’s feeling.”
“I know, Granny,” I say. “Of course I don’t think she did anything wrong. I just hate to think that I caused her any more pain than she’s already going through. And I’m certainly not going to cause any more by showing up when she clearly doesn’t want me there.”
“Give her some time, sweet pea,” she says, placing her hand on mine. “I don’t think it’ll be forever. That girl loves you, and I know she’s thankful for you.”
Love. The word sends an unnerving jolt of electricity through me.
Of course she loves me. I love her dearly, we’ve been friends for nearly fifteen years.
Except maybe I love her.
“I love her, too,” I say simply, not caring to elaborate. Granny gives me a knowing look, and I have a sneaking feeling that she sees more than she lets on.
“Things will work out the way they’re supposed to,” she says matter-of-factly. “Have some faith. Keep showing up. Life has a way of working itself out.”
Just as I open my mouth to finally confess what I’ve been shoving down for months, my phone starts to ring. I look down and see Ellie’s name, and nearly send my phone flying across the room in my haste to answer it.
“Is she okay?” I ask without preamble. “Is the baby here?”
“Not yet,” she says. “She’s asking for you, actually.”
“I’m on my way,” I say, jumping to my feet and looking around wildly for my things. Granny stands up, retrieving my keys and wallet from the coffee table and shoving them in my hands.
“Keep me posted,” she yells after me as I bolt out the front door. My tires squeal loudly as I peel out of the driveway, barreling down the road toward the hospital.
I get there in record time, and rush to the maternity ward, following the instructions Ellie gave me on my drive over.
I sprint into the waiting room, scanning the crowd for familiar faces.
I spot Griffin and David in a corner, and jog over to them.
I don’t have to say anything before Griffin tells me her room number and points me in the right direction.
I apologize profusely to the nurse I nearly knock over in my haste to get to Abby. When I find the right room, I take a steadying breath before walking through the door calmly. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed she is, and I don’t want to add to that by showing up in a frenzy.
Her feet are propped up in stirrups, the doctor sitting on a stool between her legs instructing, “Okay, Abby, let’s get back to pushing.”
Her eyes are closed, and I make eye contact with Ellie, who leans over and whispers in Abby’s ear. Her eyes fly open, locking on mine for a split second before her face crumples.
I’m at her side instantly, grabbing her hand and kissing the soft skin on her wrist.
“I’m here, pretty girl,” I murmur. “I’m here.”
“I’m so sorry,” she sobs. “I’m sorry I kicked you out. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you. I’m sorry I asked you to show up when I’ve been so awful.”
“Abby, you could kick me out a thousand times,” I say, leaning my forehead against hers. “And I’d come back a thousand and one.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, gripping my face like I’m the only thing keeping her grounded. “Thank you for coming back. Please stay with me, I don’t think I can do this without you.”
“Of course I’ll stay,” I say, leaning back and staring deeply into the pools of emerald swimming with tears. “For as long as you want.”
“Okay, mom,” the doctor says. “Let’s do this.”
Abby tears her eyes away from mine, clenching her jaw with determination and nodding.
“Okay, push for me,” the doctor coaxes. “That’s it, great job Abby.”
She grips my hand tightly, and I lean in close, whispering encouragements in her ear and stroking her hair. Time feels frozen, and nothing else in the world to me exists except for her.
I don’t think anything will ever again.
“Baby is crowning,” the doctor says loudly. “One more big push, and you should meet your little girl.”
Abby cries out, straining from the effort when suddenly, the most beautiful noise I’ve ever heard fills the room. A flurry of nurses and doctors moves around the room, but all I can see is Abby, and the baby girl now resting on her chest.
“Hi Little One,” she says through tears. “I’m so happy to meet you. Welcome to the world. I love you so much.”
“You did it,” I say, kissing her shoulder. “She’s perfect. Just like her mom.”
“I’m going to call her Erin,” she says, gaze still transfixed on the tiny wailing baby in her arms. “What do you think?” She looks up at me with a smile brighter than the sun.
“I think that’s perfect,” I nod. “The world is a better place with an Erin Thompson in it.”
“I think so, too,” she says, reluctantly handing Erin to the nurses so they can check her and get her cleaned up. “Thank you for being here, Jack Robbit. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so thankful.”
“I’ll let you have that one,” I say, letting the nickname go for a second time. “But don't get used to it, it's just because you just gave birth and all.”
“How benevolent of you,” she laughs, leaning back onto the pillows and looking happier than I’ve ever seen her. “I really did it,” she whispers, mostly to herself.
“You really did,” I nod. “I knew you could. You can do anything, pretty girl.”
“I’m sure I’m anything but pretty right now,” she says, smoothing her hair back and winding it into a knot on top of her head. “I’m sweaty, and gross, and I don’t even want to know what bodily fluids I have going on right now.”
“You listen here, Abby Thompson,” I say. “Believe me when I say I’ve never been more in awe of anyone. And you have never looked more beautiful.”
****
The next few days pass in a blur of visitors, endless check-ins from the nurses (with some very snarky comments from Abby about being woken up), and an overwhelming amount of information thrown at us.
Aaron’s parents both instantly started sobbing when they learned Erin’s name.
Ellie checked on Abby first before turning all of her attention toward the baby, repeating over and over how much Auntie Ellie loves her and is going to spoil her rotten.
Griffin stared at Ellie holding Erin in complete wonder, and Abby and I made bets later that night about how quickly they’d be having a baby of their own.
When David had her in his arms, he vehemently promised that they’d be best friends forever, and that he wouldn’t let any, in his words, “fuck ass kids” ever be mean to her. “It’s you and me forever, tiny best friend,” he said fiercely. “I don’t care, I’ll smack a six year old if I have to.”
Abby’s dad looked so full of pride I thought he might burst from it.
But the most shocking reaction came from Nathan, Abby’s brother.
He came into the room looking so nervous he was practically shaking.
The moment he saw Abby holding Erin, he began crying so hard that a nurse came by to make sure everything was okay.
“I know eventually I’ll have to go back to bullying you,” he said, blowing his nose loudly. “But for right now, I want you to know that you’re my hero, and I’ve never been prouder to be your brother.”
As amazing as it was to watch everyone meet this new little wonder, the moments where it’s just me, Abby, and Erin have been the highlights of my life.
From the first moment I held her, I knew I was a goner.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do for this tiny baby girl.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them.
“Isn’t she perfect?” Abby coos, watching Erin sleep in the bedside bassinet. “I know every mother is biased, but I really think I made a perfect baby.”
“I’m the first to admit that most of the time newborns look like aliens,” I say. “But not her. She really is perfect. The sweetest, tiniest pretty girl the world has ever seen.”
Abby smiles at me, her face radiating with affection–for Erin, but maybe for me too. All I know is I desperately hope she never stops looking at me like that.