Chapter 40
Abby
Four Months
“Hello, my little love,” I coo, holding Erin’s feet and playfully moving them back and forth. “Can you smile for mama?”
On cue, her sweet face lights up with the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Ever since her first true smile, I've spent nearly every waking moment trying to see as many of them as possible.
She’s becoming more of a real person every day. I notice her staring at me intently, like she’s trying to memorize my face in the same way I memorize hers, scared of missing even a tiny bit of her. She recognizes friends and family now, squealing and giggling when they fawn over her.
She responds to Jack more than anyone. They have a unique bond, and I swear she loves him almost as much as she loves me. He really and truly loves her, and that does things to my heart that I can’t begin to describe.
I wish Aaron was here to see it, to see her. I wish I could see the way he would love her.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that some days, when I watch the two of them together, my Jacky boy and my Little One, it feels like she’s not missing out on any bit of being loved.
***
"Hey, kiddo," Dad says affectionately, throwing an arm around my shoulder as he sits next to me on the couch. "How ya doing?"
"I'm good, Daddy," I say, tucking myself into his side. "Exhausted, but so good."
"Babies will do that to you," he chuckles. "Where's Jack?"
"At work," I say. "He'll be home later tonight."
"He's a good man," he says gruffly, causing me to look up at him in alarm. His face is taut with emotion, something I am not used to seeing from a Wheeler man.
"There's no need to get emotional," I cry. "What's that all about?"
"All I want in this world is to know that you're cared for, Red," he says, voice still rough. "And I know you are with him around. I can't thank him enough."
"I didn't realize that meant so much to you. You don't need to worry about me and Erin, Daddy. We're more than okay."
"You're a natural at this," he continues. "Watching you with that baby girl blows me away. With everything that's happened, I wondered if you'd ever want to have kids. I'm so glad you did."
"Stop it," I say furiously, wiping my eyes. "You're going to make me cry."
"I mean it, Abby," he says, squeezing my shoulders. "I always knew you'd be a good mom, and seeing it in action, well, it's enough to make this old man cry."
I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen my dad cry and still have three fingers available. Two now, I guess. I don't know why I'm so caught off guard, this has been the most emotional thing I've ever been through.
"I didn't know you noticed Jack like that," I muse. "It's not like he ever brings attention to himself. It's annoying, actually, to be around someone that good and selfless all the time."
"Imagine how me and Nate feel around you," he teases. "Except you're annoying because you're always right about everything."
"It's a gift and a curse," I sigh dramatically.
"But of course I noticed," he says. "A dad is going to notice the man taking care of his daughter. And granddaughter now."
"Do you think it's wrong?" I ask quietly. "That another man is basically living in Aaron's house, doing the things he would do if he were here?"
"It's not wrong to want companionship, Abs," he says softly. "And I think finding it in your best friend, and Aaron's, couldn't possibly be a bad thing. We need each other, all of us. We shouldn't have to do this life alone."
"I could," I counter. "If I really needed to. I could do this alone this thing alone, me and Little One."
"I know you could, Red," he says. "But isn't it nice that you don't have to?"
The sound of Erin's cries comes through the baby monitor, and I half-rise from the couch before he gently holds me in place.
"I've got her," he says. "You can stay here. She takes a bottle these days, right?"
"Yeah," I say, sagging back into the cushions. "They're in the fridge, and the bottle warmer is on the counter."
"Pop-pop is on it," he says, whisking out of the room. I hear him greet her with incoherent babbling, and her cries turn into babbles of her own.
I smile, closing my eyes and leaning my head back.
It is nice, having Jack around. Even nicer now that I know people aren't secretly judging me for having him around.
I don't know if I'd change things, but the thought has been ever-present in the back of my mind.
The longer he's here, the more my guilt shifts into something much more peaceful.
We shouldn't have to do this life alone.
I thank my lucky stars that I don't have to—and that I have Jack to thank for that.