Chapter 46
Jack
Nine Months
"Well, well," Granny cries happily when I come through the front door. "If it isn't my favorite grandson come to see his Granny!"
"I'm your only grandson," I say, stooping down to kiss her on the cheek.
I take a seat in the chair next to hers, rocking it slowly back and forth absentmindedly.
"Can I ask you something, Granny?"
"What's on your mind, sweet pea?"
"How come you never got remarried?" I ask tentatively. "After Granddad. Weren't you ever lonely?"
"Well," she begins. "Your Granddaddy was larger than life. And so was his son. Once he was gone, I didn't have time for anything but raising your father. That was a full-time job in and of itself."
"Yeah but what about when he got older?" I press. "Did you ever consider finding someone else? Finding love again?"
"Your father was a full-time job well beyond the time he should have been," she says stiffly. "I had no room in my mind for anything but worry. But by the time things finally broke for good between us, I'd found a new love."
"Who?" I ask, wracking my brain for any memory of a man being around when I was little. "I don't remember you dating anyone, ever."
"I'm talking about you," she says, poking my forearm affectionately. "You were the new love in my life, and nothing else mattered after that. I had a good job, and a nice house, and you. I didn't need anything else."
Do not cry.
"Was it really enough, though?" I ask. "You didn't sign up for another round of parenting, that wasn't supposed to fall to you. You're really telling me you didn't have other plans? Other dreams you never got around to?"
"Okay, it's my turn to ask you something," she says, her tone serious, but her eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Oh, boy," I say, bracing for impact. "What?"
"Are you telling me that when you look at that little girl, you're thinking of other plans? Other dreams for your life? You're telling me they wouldn't be enough for you?"
The truth hits me with the force of a freight train. No, I don't have other plans. I don't have any dreams that don't include Abby and Erin. Whether I knew it then or not, that baby girl has been more than enough for me from the moment I first held her in my arms.
"She's not mine, though," I say softly. "Neither of them are."
"I think we both know that's not true," she says gently.
I nod. After the conversation we had on Christmas night, wrapped up together in the glow of the tree, I don't really believe that anymore. I think they're mine as much as I am theirs. No other dream could possibly compare to that.
We sit in comfortable silence for an hour or two, save for a few Jeopardy answers yelled at the TV here and there. When the reruns switch over to the evening news, I stand up to leave, stretching my stiff limbs. No matter how much I stay in shape, I'm never a match for that hard wooden chair.
I don't know how the hell Granny does it.
"I love you, Granny," I say, wrapping her in a goodbye hug. "More than anything, you know that right?"
"I know, Jack," she says, rubbing circles on my back the way she has since I was little. "That's all you know how to do—love. Anyone fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of it is the luckiest person in the world."
"I don't know," I say with a watery chuckle, wiping my eyes. "I feel pretty damn lucky myself."
"Two things can be true at once," she says, patting my cheek. "You'll keep me updated, yes?"
"Yes, ma'am," I promise, opening the front door. "You'll be the first to know."
She blows me a kiss as I get into my Jeep, waiting until I've pulled out of the driveway to step back inside.
I don't care what she says, I'm the luckiest damn man in the world. Lucky to have been raised by such a strong woman. Lucky to have friends who've stuck by me my whole life. Lucky to be surrounded by so many people who set the standard so high.
Lucky to love a fierce, witty, goddamn stunning woman and her Little One.
Lucky to be loved back.
I know she loves me. No doubt in my mind. I don't need to hear it one second before she's ready to have that conversation. I think my life truly started when my best friend fell in love. The day a sweet blonde girl came into our lives and brought a fiery redhead right along with her.
I'll spend the rest of my life loving her. Loving them both. I'm not going anywhere—I'm happy to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready for this. The waiting feels like nothing compared to a lifetime with her.
She's not ready to have the conversation yet, and that's fine. I'm ready enough for the both of us. But I think before that happens, there's someone else I want to have a conversation with first.
***
"That should do it," I say slowly, setting the TV back on top of the newly-constructed credenza.
I take a step back, praying that the product of the last few hours of work doesn't collapse into a pile of kindling under the weight of the television. When it holds steady, I let out a satisfactory huff and wipe my forehead with my shirt sleeve.
"He's done it again," Andrea says with a smile. "Jack, I can't thank you enough for your help."
"I could have done it," Alan grumbles.
"Not without putting yourself in the hospital," she scolds.
"It's no trouble, really," I say, loading the tools I used back into their box. "I'm happy to do it."
"Will you stay for a glass of sweet tea?" Andrea asks, already halfway to grabbing the pitcher from the kitchen.
"I'd like that," I say, sitting in an armchair and taking a moment to admire my handiwork. "I actually was hoping," I begin, clearing my throat to calm my nerves. "I was hoping I could talk to you guys about something."
"Of course you can," she says kindly, passing out the glasses of tea and sitting on the couch. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything is great," I say. "It's nothing bad, don't worry."
"Alright son, lay it on us," Alan says, slapping his hands down on his thighs.
Son. That's exactly how they've treated me from the first time I came over to hang out with Aaron. Granny was and is the only parent I'll ever need, but knowing I had the Thompsons in my corner, being welcomed in like that—it healed something in me I can't quite put into words.
Will that change after this?
"Well, as you know," I say. "I've been helping Abby out a fair amount over the past year and a half."
"Thank you for that, by the way," Alan says, his voice constricting, Andrea nodding vigorously in agreement. "You didn't have to do that, no one ever would have asked that of you. But I'd be lying if I said I don't thank the good Lord every night for the way you've shown up for her. And for Erin."
"You don't have to thank me," I mumble, cheeks heating slightly at the earnest gratitude from them both. "I've been happy to do it."
"Now that the baby's older, I hope you know you can take a step back," Andrea says.
"I'm sure it's not easy trying to balance work, and a social life, and caring for a mom and her newborn.
We know how incredibly special you are to Abby, and how special you were to Aaron.
But you don't have to shoulder it all, we're all a team here. "
"Well," I say, inhaling deeply and mustering the courage for this conversation. "That's kind of the thing. I've been more than happy to do it, and I—" I pause, swallowing nervously. "I'd like to keep doing it. For the long haul. For as long as they want me to."
They both go still as statues, staring at me wordlessly.
"The thing is," I continue. "I've never really had a solid plan for my life.
Maybe because my life started on such a shaky foundation.
But I like to think I've always been a man of action.
Once I make a decision, I want to stick to it.
I decided where I wanted to go to school and only applied to one place.
I decided I want to be a firefighter and I applied for the fire academy the very next day. I decided to help Abby, and I did."
They continue staring at me in stunned silence. God I wish they'd say something.
"But, the last year has changed me. It's got me wanting to make plans," I say, unable to stop the smile forming at the thought of making plans with Abby. "Plans that involve Abby and Erin. Plans that include loving them both until my very last breath."
Andrea lets out a whimper, her hand flying to her mouth and eyes going wide. Alan's face remains unreadable.
"I know that's what Aaron and Abby had planned from the beginning," I say, pain wrenching in my chest. "It's the cruelest fucking thing in the world that his last breath came so soon. I know that was never in anyone's plans."
Alan rises from his chair and takes a seat close to his wife, taking her hand in his and holding it tightly.
"And I hope you believe me when I say this," I plead, hoping desperately that they can see the truth in my eyes.
"This wasn't in my mind at all when I started helping Abby in the beginning.
They're my two best friends, and that's all I ever wanted to be.
I never considered anything else once, not even a fleeting thought. "
"Of course we know that," Andrea whispers, mercifully breaking the silence. "You never would have done anything to hurt Aaron. To hurt either of them."
"Thank you," I say, my voice breaking. "I don't want you to think I was biding my time, or waiting for some illicit opportunity. I would have cared for Abby and Erin the exact same way even if I hadn't fallen in love with her."
There it is. Out loud. The words that have been consuming my every waking moment for months.
I'm wholeheartedly, desperately, utterly in love with her.
"I haven't talked to her about this yet," I add.
"But she knows. She absolutely knows. And she knows that I'll follow her lead when, or if, she ever wants to talk about it.
But I think we will, eventually. And I hope that when we do, you'll know that there hasn't been a single second where we've forgotten about Aaron.
We talk about him all the time, miss him all the time.
I think the only reason we've survived any of this is because we had each other. "
"I'm not trying to replace Aaron," I conclude. "I never would. He will always be the love of her life, and he will always be my best friend."
I sniff, willing the tears pricking the corners of my eyes not to fall.
"But those two girls are the loves of my life. And I'll never stop being there for them, no matter what does or doesn't happen between Abby and me. Being in their lives is the best thing to ever happen to me. Anything else is just an extra blessing to be thankful for."
The room falls into a pensive silence, and I stare at my hands, waiting patiently, hopefully, that I'm not about to lose two of the most important people in my life.
"You know, son," Alan says gruffly, my head snapping up at the endearment. "I had a friend like you. His name was Mike. He was at my house so much that eventually he just started calling my parents mom and dad."
"Oh, Mike," Andrea sighs, smiling softly. "That man."
"Mike was the first person I introduced Andrea to, the only opinion I really cared about," he continues. "I would have protected him with my life, and I know he would have done the same for me."
I nod, grateful that I'm not being yelled at or kicked out, but wondering where he's going with this.
"No one was more excited for us when Andrea got pregnant with Aaron," he says with a grin. "I thought the house was going to collapse from all his hooting and hollering."
"He might actually be more like your friend David," Andrea muses. "In terms of personality, at least."
"He sounds wonderful," I say, nervously waiting for some shoe to drop.
"If anything had ever happened to me," he says roughly. "He would have taken care of them. No question about it. Just like you've taken care of Abby and Erin."
My breath catches in my chest, but I try to tamper down the hope rising in me.
"I wouldn't have wanted Andrea to be alone," he says, looking at his wife with a painful expression, like even the thought is enough to bring him to his knees.
"I wouldn't have wanted her to go unloved the rest of her life.
And if Mike would have been the one to love her," he continues, turning his attention to me, an adamant expression on his face. "I wouldn't have trusted anyone more."
The well of emotions I've fought so hard to keep contained since the day Aaron died finally breaks, and I feel my face crumple.
"It's okay, son," Alan says, coming to perch on the arm of the chair and wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulders while sobs wrack through my body. "All of it. Everything you've said, everything you feel, everything you might have planned. It's okay."
"You've always been like a second son to us," Andrea says softly, reaching over to grab my hand. "We know you, know your heart and your character. And Abby will always be our daughter. There's no parent in the world that wouldn't want a man like you caring for their girl."
"Like I said," I croak, trying to regain my composure. "We haven't talked about it. I don't know if anything will even happen, or when that might be. If she feels like she won't ever be able to move on, that's okay. I'll love her anyway."
"She wouldn't be moving on, dear," Andrea says. "She would just be moving forward. And I think it would be a lovely thing if the two of you could move forward together."