Chapter Twenty-Three
HUDSON
IT HAD BEEN NEARLY four days since Vincent had taken Gaby, and I was starting to lose my mind. I hadn’t slept or eaten properly since we had found out Gino was in hospital and she was missing.
Viktor had tried to keep me up to date with everything, hoping to ease my worries, but nothing he said could stop my panic. Gaby was with Vincent, and pregnant with a child by one of us. She was with a man who had already killed three unborn babies. How could I not panic?
Not having Nico here wasn’t helping. Luca and Antonio tried to keep me as busy as possible and take my mind off the situation, but I really needed Nico with me. I needed my best friend by my side. I hadn’t been to the hospital since Gino had woken up. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him anymore. Part of me knew there wasn’t much he could have done about Vincent. However, another part of me thought he should never have left the clinic building. He should have stayed there with Gaby, no matter what.
All I did was stare at my phone waiting for any kind of news about Gaby. I would have even spoken to Vincent himself if it meant that I could hear my Angel’s voice one more time. I was currently sitting in the living room on my own. Luca and Antonio had decided to wait outside the apartment after I ripped into them both this morning when they had tried to convince me to eat something for breakfast. I didn’t want to eat. I couldn’t eat, worrying about what that monster might be doing to my Gaby.
I just wanted to speak to her one more time. If it meant I had to let her go to keep her and the baby safe, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make. As long as they were both alive and well, that was all that mattered to me. I heard the apartment door open and footsteps walking toward the living room. I knew who would walk in the door before I even saw him. Nico and Gino were due back from the hospital today. Gino was finally well enough to be discharged, although he would still be recovering.
I didn’t really want to see him, but I knew it was too late to get out of the room. I didn’t look up as they walked in, my eyes firmly fixed on the glass in my hand. This was the only thing keeping me sane currently. The amber liquid gave me the courage to go on and forget the horror that was my current life.
“Hud, are you okay?” Nico’s voice was worried and hesitant, which meant the guys had warned him about my mood.
I slowly looked up to find just Nico standing there, which surprised me. I had expected to see Gino with him as well.
“What do you think?”
He walked over and knelt before me, taking the glass from my hand. “Well, that won’t do you any good. It’s only going to make you feel worse. Now, what’s all this about you letting rip on my men this morning?”
What the actual fuck did he think he was doing, telling me what I could and couldn’t say to his men?
“I get to say whatever the fuck I want to your men when they are trying to tell me how to run my life. It’s none of their fucking business, and it’s none of yours either, Dominico. ”
I knew it was the alcohol talking now, especially with the amount I had put away on an empty stomach. But he wasn’t the one who had spent four days on his own, with almost complete strangers. He had been in a nice warm hospital with Gino . It was me who had to deal with the loneliness and worry of our situation. Me who had to worry whether we would ever see Gaby again, and if we did, if she would still be pregnant with our child.
I was shocked when there was a crash of smashing glass on the floor. I looked up to find Nico standing in front of me with rage on his face. I had never seen him like this before, and if I was honest, it scared me. He just stared at me without saying a word. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gino leaning on the doorframe, probably wondering what the hell was going on.
“You have no right to speak to me like that, Hudson . What the actual fuck do you think you are doing? Do you think you are the only one who’s had sleepless nights and hasn’t eaten properly since Gaby was taken? Do you think I don’t give a fuck that she is with that monster who could be doing all kinds of tortuous things to her? Well, newsflash, Hudson. You aren’t! You’re just so swallowed up in your own self-pity that you couldn’t give a fuck how other people feel. It’s all about you, isn’t it? Until you start realizing that other people in this relationship are hurting too, don’t expect anyone to want to spend any time with you.”
I sat there gawping at Nico. He had never spoken to me like that before.
Gino spoke from his position in the doorway. “Nico, don’t be too hard on Hudson. After all, you have spent the past four nights in the hospital with me. He’s been on his own. Just think what state you would have been in if the roles were reversed.”
Nico spun around to face him. “Don’t go defending him, Gino. Probably the next thing to come out of his mouth would be how it was your entire fault. How you don’t deserve to be part of our family.”
I continued to watch as Gino walked toward Nico. The next words that left his mouth completely destroyed me.
“But it was my fault, Nico. You know that. I was the one entrusted with Gaby’s care, and I let everyone down. There is no point in trying to argue the case, because it’s the truth. I should have been more vigilant. I will have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life, Nico. Please don’t lose it any more with Hudson.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer; the dam broke as the past four days of bottling everything up and drowning at the bottom of a whiskey glass took their toll.
Nico was right: we were all hurting. Gino probably the most, and there was me so absolved in self-pity that I was about to throw everything away. I felt a hand take mine and press it up to their lips. I looked around and was shocked to see it was Gino sitting there. Nico still stood in the middle of the floor with his back to me, fuming.
I carefully laid my head against Gino’s chest, knowing he was probably still in a lot of pain, while he placed his arm around me to hold me. The tears were pouring down my face now, so much so that I couldn’t stop. I was starting to lose everything I had wanted in my life, and it was my fault.
“Shh, Hudson. It’s okay. Just let it all out. Please don’t keep the pain to yourself any longer. It will destroy you.”
Nico walked out of the room, and the tears started to fall harder.
“Just give him a little while to calm down. We are all blaming each other and ourselves when really, we should be blaming Vincent. However, if there is anyone between the three of us that has a right to blame himself, it’s me.”
I was about to tell him it really wasn’t his fault when Nico’s voice sounded just a little way away.
“Can you give me a few minutes with Hud, please, Gino?”
I was pleased to hear I was back to Hud and not Hudson anymore. I knew I had a lot of apologizing to do this afternoon, and firstly to Nico.
“I’ll get Luca to help make us some coffee. I’ll order us some food as well. I don’t think any of us are up for cooking this evening.”
Gino pressed a kiss to my cheek and carefully got up from the sofa. As he walked past Nico, he stopped and whispered something into his ear, causing Nico to look down at the floor. Gino pressed a kiss to his cheek and walked out of the room.
We both remained silent for a moment, I guessed not really knowing how to start this conversation. As it had been my fault, I decided that I should be the one to say it first.
“I’m sorry, Nico. You were right. All I have been thinking about while I have been sitting here is myself. I hadn’t thought about what you and Gino were going through. I guess I was jealous that you had each other, and that I was the one sitting here alone. None of that should be used as an excuse for my behavior though. I should never have spoken to you, or anyone, the way I have. I’ll apologize to Luca and Antonio as well.”
Nico’s face softened as he walked over and sat in the chair opposite me, the tears starting to appear in his eyes.
“I’m sorry as well. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you either. I should have realized how difficult it was for you, being here on your own. I should have thought about how you were feeling, but I was so worried about Gino that I couldn’t think of anyone else because it hurt too much. At least I had something else to focus on, but you didn’t. Can we please start again?”
He got up from his seat and kneeled in front of me, moving in between my legs and placing his head against my chest while putting his arms around me. I returned his hug, and we stayed like that, holding each other without saying a word. We were pulled from our quiet moment by Gino, who must have come back into the room.
“Well, thank fuck for that. I thought I was going to have to get the guys to bang your heads together, seeing as I am in no fit state to do it myself. There is coffee in the kitchen, and the food is on its way. I have told Luca and Antonio to use my apartment for the night just in case we need them for anything. I’ll leave you two alone again.”
He went to walk out, but I stopped him before he could leave.
“Gino, thank you. Just for the record, I don’t blame you anymore for what happened. I will be honest and say I did, but that was because I was looking for someone to blame except myself. We all could have done things differently, and the outcome may have been the same. I know you blame yourself, but please don’t. You have been through too much to take that pain on as well.”
He gave me a small smile. I could tell he didn’t believe it himself, and that it would probably take him a while to come to terms with what happened, but I was determined to make him see that because if he didn’t, then it could be the end of Gino being part of our relationship.
Nico looked at me, and I could tell he was thinking the same before he even spoke.
“Nothing I’ve said could convince him that it wasn’t his fault. I’ve tried for the past two days. We just have to keep trying. He will stay with us at least until we have Rosa safe and sound. Once that happens, we just have to hope that Rosa can convince him to stay. However, I can assure you, I will go back home to get him if he goes.”
I had guessed that now that Nico had Gino, he would fight to keep him in our lives, like he would with Gaby or me. There was a time when I would have just let him go, but after my birthday surprise, there was no way I would give Gino up without a fight. It had surprised me that I could have those feelings for him, but I did. I got up from my seat, and Nico and I walked into the kitchen to find Gino sitting there deep in thought. Both of us walked up either side of him and kissed him on each cheek. We both put our arms around him and gave him a gentle hug, knowing that he was probably still in pain.
“Thanks, guys, but don’t try to convince me of anything. Nothing you say can change my thoughts at the moment, especially with the pain I am feeling.”
I looked over at Nico, and he gave me a small nod.
“Okay, Gino,” I said. “We won’t say anything for now. But please don’t keep anything to yourself. Please talk to us. We are all hurting, and as you said, keeping it to ourselves is causing us more pain. Let’s just agree for now to be there for each other, no matter what, and talk.”
“Okay, Hudson. I can agree to that if you promise not to use the bottom of a glass of whiskey to get through the day from now on.”
I knew he was right. The answer wasn’t in a bottle of whiskey. It never had been.
“Okay, deal. Now let’s get some food in us and try to get a reasonable night's sleep. Then we can face tomorrow together.”