Chapter 27
twenty-seven
Tristyn
You played hockey your whole life?”
Jeremy and I have been walking around downtown Rockford since we finished dinner over an hour ago. Our plan was to just stop for ice cream, but once we got there and got our ice cream, we decided to walk around while we ate it.
We finished it within five minutes of starting our walk.
“Yeah, I guess. From the moment I could walk, I was on skates.” His smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes, but I guess I can’t blame him. I can’t imagine working toward a goal my whole life, and right when it’s in reach, it’s ripped away from me. “I miss it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”
“It was hockey, right?”
Jeremy scratches the back of his neck.
“Yeah, pretty much.” He glances up at me. “What about you? How’d you hurt your wrist?”
“Oh,” I stare down at the brace on my wrist, then look back at Jeremy, “I fell walking up the stairs to our apartment. Can’t bring me anywhere, I guess.”
It’s a lie. A complete and utter lie, but I don’t think he needs to be brought into the reality of it all. I have enough baggage as it is; I don’t want to scare him away before I have a chance to really get to know him.
Before he has a chance to really get to know me.
“I don’t know about that. I kind of think I like bringing you with me.” I chuckle, and he shakes his head. “That was cheesy, sorry. I just, I had a feeling I’d enjoy spending time with you, but tonight really solidified that.”
“I like spending time with you, too.”
“Good. It would be really awkward if you didn’t feel the same way.”
We come to a crosswalk and wait for the signal to change so we can keep going.
“Do you think, I don’t know, maybe you’d like to do this again?”
“I think I could get on board with that.”
“Henry could even come with us.” Jeremy smiles up at me, but this time it does reach his eyes.
I didn’t think he could be any more beautiful, but looking at the way his face is lit up reminds me of a kid in a candy store, and knowing he’s this excited about doing something with my son makes this moment even more worth it.
“It’s not a major league game, but there’s a minor league hockey game next Saturday.
Maybe the three of us could go. I think he’d really like it. ”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He was telling me the other day that he watches old Stanley Cup games online, or just cool goals. I love seeing how excited he is over hockey. I think it would blow his mind to see a game in person.”
“You’d want to go to a game with my son?”
“Of course.” He pauses. “Or the two of you could go. I don’t want to impose or make things awkward this early on. I also don’t want Henry to feel like I’m trying to force a relationship or—”
I bend down, pressing a finger against his lips.
“I think he’d love that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The signal pops up, allowing us to cross the street. Before I know it, we’re back to my car in the ice cream shop parking lot.
Even though he hasn’t said anything since we left the restaurant, I know deep down there’s a part of Jeremy that wishes he were the one driving me home.
“I’m sorry you have to do this.” He mumbles as I pull out of the parking lot.
“Don’t be. It just means more time I get to spend with you.”
I bite my lip as I look over at him, finding his eyes already on me. He reaches for my hand, and I wish more than anything that there wasn’t a brace on the one that was closest to him. I want to feel his skin against mine.
We finish the drive in silence, but not the awkward kind, a comfortable kind. The kind of silence you feel at peace in. A silence I could live in for hours.
“It’s this house right up here.”
He points the house out, and my eyes widen as I park on the street by the mailbox.
“Holy shit, this place is beautiful.”
“It was even nicer before we added all of these ramps.”
“I think they add character.”
“My friends and dad built them to make the transition home easier. Even though it sucks, it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
“That’s really sweet.”
You can tell they love him, not just because they went and built these ramps, but because you can tell how much time they spent on them. This ramp looks like it’s one piece; you can’t tell that it's different pieces made to fit together perfectly.
“Do you want to come in?”
“I do, but I shouldn’t.” I brush my hair away from my face. “Henry’s quite the early bird during the summer, so it’ll be an early morning.”
“That’s fair.”
“But I’ll see you at work on Monday.”
“You will.”
“And hopefully outside of work next week?”
“Hopefully before then.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
I rock back on my heels. I can’t remember the last time a guy made me this nervous.
I was never one for casual hookups, not even just casual make-out sessions, but I’ve been on dates since having Henry.
Most of them didn’t know about Henry because we rarely made it past a second date, but even then, I wasn’t this nervous.
Jeremy knows about Henry. He doesn’t care about the fact that I have Henry… he wants him to be a part of things. Maybe that’s what’s making me so nervous. For the first time since Henry was born, I feel like someone is coming into our lives who has the power to hurt us both.
“Would it be okay if I kissed you?” His words surprise me.
Not that I thought he didn’t want to kiss me. There were a few instances tonight that I thought he might, but I never imagined him asking.
I remember someone telling me once that a guy asking to kiss you diminishes the intensity of the moment. That asking that makes someone less attractive.
They were wrong.
If anything, he’s ten times more attractive for asking.
“Yes.” My word catches in my throat.
Then he does the one thing I didn’t expect him to do tonight—
He stands up.
He grabs his legs, moving them so his feet are on the floor of the patio, he grabs the railing, and he pulls himself up. His body is shaky, but he holds himself firmly against the railing.
“Sorry, this is still new to me.” He tries to turn his body toward me, but stumbles.
I fill the space in front of him. My stomach erupts in butterflies as I look up at him.
“Don’t be sorry.”
I brush my thumb against his cheeks, push up on my toes, and kiss him.
One of his hands leaves the railing, finding my waist, but off-centering both of us a bit. I wrap my arms around him, finding my footing to balance both of us.
A kiss has never felt like this.
I’ve never been kissed in a way that makes me feel like I mean something to the world. In a way that makes me feel as if the world would be knocked off its axis if I weren’t here.
I pull away, but Jeremy’s forehead rests against mine. His eyes burn deep into my soul as he places another kiss against my lips.
“Yeah, this is pretty much the best night of my life.”
“What about that championship game you won a few months back?” I raise an eyebrow, and he shakes his head.
“Nope.” He kisses me again. “This is better.”
So, you like this guy?”
“Yeah, I think I do.” I place the plates down on the table. “Honestly, the other night was one of the best nights I’ve had in a while.”
“I’ll try not to take offense.”
“Vince.” I roll my eyes. “I just mean, for the first time in a long time, I felt like someone really understood me. It was like he really listened to me, and that scares the shit out of me.”
“Why?”
“Because he knows about Henry already, there’s no reason for me to run away from this. I don’t have an easy out by using Henry.”
“Do you want an out?”
“I don’t know.” I finish setting down the forks. “I like him, but with Andrew and everything, it might be too complicated. I have baggage, a lot of it, a lot more than just having a child.”
“Does he know about your baggage?”
“He knows Henry has a,” I glance into Vince’s living room to make sure Henry is fully distracted. He is. He has his headphones on and is watching videos on Vince’s laptop, “a fuck-ass dad. Other than that, not much.”
“Are you worried about work?”
“No.” I shake my head. “The last couple of days were fine. Better than fine, actually.”
We might’ve snuck away for a couple of stolen kisses during our short and limited breaks.
Worth it.
“Oh, that reminds me, not that I think it will come up, but if it does, this,” I point to the brace on my wrist, “happened because I tripped walking up the stairs.”
“As believable as that is, why do I need to lie about that?”
“Because that’s what Jeremy thinks happened. I don’t need to unleash that baggage on him yet. Maybe someday I’ll tell him the truth, but the other night was not that day.”
“Noted.”
“Is it crazy? Do you think I should be jumping into a relationship right now?”
Vince crosses his arms.
“T, I love you, but don’t be ridiculous. It’s been what, two years since you’ve even been on a real date? And when was the last time you were in an actual relationship? Andrew, during one of your many reattempts?”
“Okay, asshole.”
“You deserve to be happy. You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. It’s not like you’re getting married.”
“What about Henry? Do you think this will be too much for him? I mean, Jeremy’s one of his coaches right now. I don’t want to—”
“Oh, he’s thrilled.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“The other night, Henry was telling me how he couldn’t wait to tell all his friends on Monday that his mom is dating the Jeremy Moore.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. I was honestly a bit jealous of how excited Henry got when he talked about Jeremy.”
My skin heats up. The only approval that will ever matter to me on this end is Henry’s… and I have it.
“So, I guess you’re right, nothing to hold you back.”
“I guess not.”
And that’s the scariest part.
I’ve always been good at running. Finding an excuse and running away at the first sign of something real. But I don’t want to run this time. I want to give in. I want to jump feet first and allow myself to fall.
Even if it ends in heartbreak.