Chapter 44
forty-four
Jeremy
Skating with a back brace again feels weird. I felt as though it was the best way to be on the ice again without risking making things worse, so even though it’s awkward, it’s my best bet.
I’m not about to waste the little time I have left before my back surgery, not skating when there’s a chance. After my surgery, I won’t be able to get back on the ice again.
I’ve seen my life without getting on the ice already, I don’t want to think about that being my future.
“He’s a great kid.” Declan takes a seat next to me and looks out to the ice where Henry is skating around with the rest of the guys.
“Yeah, he is. He’s got an amazing mom, too.”
“How are things going with Tristyn?”
“Good.” I pause. “Great, actually.”
“I mean, she trusts you enough to look after her son, so I guess things must be good.” He gives me a small shove.
“I think it’s more about the fact that she trusts me to bring her son around you assholes.”
“Has she met your family yet?”
I shake my head and take a long swig of water.
“Nope.”
“Her choice or yours?”
“Neither, I guess. Or maybe both.”
Declan pops an eyebrow and turns toward me.
“I think with Henry, that step seems like a massive leap off the side of a cliff.”
“You’re dating a single mom, with an asshole ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, and her meeting your family is the massive leap?”
“Yeah, doesn’t make much sense, but you’ve met my mom, I love her to death, but—”
“The questions.”
“Yeah. My mom basically told me that Tristyn and I must get married because of Henry.”
“Marry her?”
“Yeah. I think her exact words were ‘you can walk into that boy’s life and be with his mother, just to walk out.’ And then she said it doesn’t have to be now, but the next step is marriage.”
“And you don’t want her saying anything like that to Tristyn?”
“Exactly. I don’t want to spook her. She already jumped into a world of unknowns and baggage; I don’t want to add to the load.”
“Speaking of all of that, how’s your back?”
“Shit.” I force a laugh. “And now I need to get another surgery and hope it doesn’t fuck up my life for the rest of my life.”
“When’s your surgery?”
“First weekend in October.”
I watch Henry move around Zeke and shoot the puck into the net. Zeke more than likely allowed him to skate by, but I can’t help but smile.
“And recovery?”
“Depends on how it goes. Last surgery, I was in the hospital for three days and was back on my feet in a matter of weeks with PT.” I sigh. “I have a feeling it won’t be as easy this time.”
“You know we got your back, right?”
“Of course, dude, thank you.”
“How are classes?”
“I, um, was able to switch to all online classes.” I fidget with my water bottle as I feel Declan’s eyes burn into the side of my face.
“Since when?”
“Since I realized getting around campus was virtually impossible.” I glance at him. “I lasted longer than I thought I would, but with my upcoming surgery and the struggles I was already having, this seemed like the best option.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Both ways get me to a degree.”
“Very true. And we’re all so close to getting there.”
“Yeah.” I check my watch and then turn to Declan. “Greystone?”
He smiles.
“I could eat.”
Itexted Tristyn on our way to Greystone, so she knew to meet us there instead of the rink.
When we arrived at Greystone with Henry, the girls were already there.
Ember, Tate, Brinley, and Avalon were sitting in their usual booth, and it only made sense for all of us to join them. It felt right for Henry to join the group at our spot.
“You doing, okay?” Tate wraps an arm around my back and lays her head on my shoulder.
We’re standing at the countertop watching everyone laugh and talk.
I think Zeke ordered Henry an ice cream sundae, even though he had a milkshake with his sandwich and fries.
But the smile on his face makes the sugar crash Tristyn and I are going to witness later tonight, completely worth it.
“Can I be honest?”
“Always.” Tate squeezes my forearm.
“I don’t know.” I sniffle. “I have a lot of amazing things in my life right now, and I keep trying to think about how I wouldn’t have Tristyn and Henry if what happened didn’t happen. And remain positive, but—”
“It’s hard to do that when it keeps coming back and biting you in the ass?”
“Yeah. I finally felt like things were getting back to normal. I had an amazing girlfriend, I was walking and skating, and I felt normal. Everything was good and then—”
“It snuck up on you.”
“I woke up and thought it had all been a dream.” I hold back my tears. “Tate, I woke up that night, and I couldn’t feel anything again, just the pains shooting up my back. The same phantom pains I had when I thought it was the feeling coming back. And I swear I thought none of it had been real.”
“But it was.” She rubs my back. “And it is. You’ve got a lot of people who love you and are here for you, and I know it’s easy for us to say that and for you to know that.
What I also know is that we have no idea what you’re going through.
No matter how hard we try to understand it, we’ll never know. ”
She lets go of my arm and walks until she’s in front of me. She grabs both of my hands and gives them a gentle shake.
“Which is why you need to tell us how you’re feeling. I know, with the guys, you want to take the macho-man way out and say things are good or that you’re handling it. But we can’t be there for you through all of this if you won’t let us, okay? And that includes Tristyn.”
I don’t know if Tristyn told anyone about the shower the other night. I don’t know if she’s close with any of them like that. We’ve hung out all of us before, but I don’t know if she’s at a place where she’d confide in them.
She probably told Vince.
“Okay,” I mumble.
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Good.” Her eyes leave mine and find the door. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
I turn around and see Tristyn standing at the front door. She’s watching Henry hang out with everyone as if he’s known them his whole life.
When her eyes meet mine, I start to walk toward her, but she holds up her hand to stop me, and meets me at the counter instead.
“Sorry, I’m late.”
I wrap my arms around her and kiss the top of her head.
“No apology necessary. We’ve been having a great time.” I smile. “Now, bedtime tonight will probably suck, but—”
“How much ice cream did Zeke give him?”
“A milkshake and a sundae.” I chuckle. “I love that you knew exactly who to blame.”
“Well, I have to know who’s babysitting him tonight while we have a night to ourselves.”
“Seriously?” I raise an eyebrow.
“I was texting the girls about it earlier. I think it’ll be nice to have a night to ourselves again. Henry has been bugging me for another sleepover since the last one, and I finally caved.”
“That sounds really nice.”
“Yeah, so that sugar high will be his problem. Not ours.”
I don’t know why, but hearing her say ours sends goosebumps across my body in the best way.
I’ve felt like we’ve been forming this little family since we started seeing each other, but every time I felt that way, I would talk myself out of it.
Hearing her say that is the validation that she feels it, too.
“I guess he made his bed.”
“Yeah, he did.”
“Can I talk to you about something real quick?”
Her demeanor shifts.
“Always.”
“The shower—”
“Oh, you don’t have to—”
“I think I do. I mean, I think I should.”
“I understand, Jeremy, I do really.”
“I just wanted to feel something,” I whisper.
“When I found out that another surgery was going to happen, all these fears came rushing in on what that meant for me and my future. Our future. And I just went numb. I couldn’t sleep, my mind was racing, and everything just—” I take a deep breath. “I didn’t want to burden you with it.”
Tristyn reaches up and cups my face.
“You are never a burden, Jeremy. I love you. No matter what happens, I will be there to support you. I’m not going to run away because things aren’t easy. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that the best things in life don’t come easy.”
She presses her lips against mine and brushes a hand across the side of my head.
“I’m all in, Jere. I want to be there for it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly, okay?”
“Okay.”
“So,” she takes a step closer to me, our bodies pressed together, “whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, or confused, or lost, I want you to tell me. I don’t want you to hide it because you think you’re burdening me.”
I kiss the top of her head.
“I promise.”