Chapter Sixteen
Miles
Miles paddled onto Montressa’s beach and savored the crunchy whoosh of sand parting into the shape of the blue canoe’s bow.
Sam had come home over the weekend. He’d sat out on Montressa’s front porch and chatted with guests, but kept asking to get out on his beloved lake.
After Nate finished his late morning meeting, he and Miles were taking Sam fishing.
Arriving early to make sure they had enough bait was an excuse to see Avery.
They’d spent the last week savoring quiet moments together.
She’d slept all but one night at the Red House.
They’d made breakfast every morning in his kitchen and planned their day.
In the evenings, he read on his dock while she painted, this time seated on Adirondack chairs.
One day, he sat on the double lounge chair answering emails and gently playing with her hair while she dozed off with her head in his lap.
A day ago, she’d examined the firefly tattoo in depth.
“You had them keep our initials in the wings.” She touched her heart. “I love it.”
“Ayuh, makes it so you never leave my side.”
He liked to think he’d understood the single tear in her eye. Sometimes, their years of mutual longing crashed into him too. The tear dropped onto the tattoo, and she’d kissed it away.
Miles had forgotten how Avery always slept with some part of her touching him. Sometimes he’d wake to an arm across his torso, other times the tip of her little toe brushed his shin. He loved how she fell asleep with her head in the crook of his shoulder. Their bodies were making up for lost time.
Miles raised his arms, stretched his tired muscles, and climbed out of the canoe.
Ever since the night in the Boathouse five days earlier, he’d been tired in the best way possible.
He craved more of this exhaustion and couldn’t get enough of her sweet moans as he kissed his way up her soft inner thigh.
As soon as they climaxed, he wanted to make love to her all over again.
He’d had a lot of great sex in the last decade, but things had never gone past casual.
This eclipsed that. He wanted Avery to know where she stood—that this relationship meant something.
He never felt lonely with Avery, even when she wasn’t beside him.
And he didn’t want to be apart from her for long.
But when he thought too much about his life melding with hers, fear crept in.
If he loved her, it would hurt more to lose her.
He knew what a loss like that meant. He and his father had suffered so much pain when his mother passed away.
It left Miles convinced that loving someone led to losing them with no chance of getting them back.
After Maisie Magrum had passed away, Miles and his father handled the loneliness differently.
His father quickly started dating Lily’s mom, which seemed to fill the void.
That same void consumed Miles and he convinced himself the only way to avoid losing his whole world a second time was to never to love someone so deeply again.
He’d confronted some of that in therapy.
And while Avery was everything he wanted, the same fear simmered below the surface. Tumbling head over heels scared him.
Miles got out of his boat and tucked his paddle inside, thinking of the easy evening routine he and Avery had settled into.
They cooked dinner together and spent the night in his full-size bed.
He liked being close to her, but they could use a little more room.
He’d asked Wes to make him a larger bed, one with spindles.
He didn’t mention this to Wes, but Miles liked having something either one of them could grab onto when they made love.
In some ways, it felt like they’d settled into couple life too quickly.
He’d skipped past the light-hearted thrill of asking her out and hearing her say yes.
They’d missed out on the end of the first-date roller-coaster dip of I don’t want this night to end followed by It doesn’t have to be over yet and the emotional high of Want to come up?
With so much experience, Miles should know how to make a woman feel special. But most of his dates were events that he didn’t plan. He’d been an arm to hold, a tall smile, a stand-in. Avery deserved to be charmed, dazzled, revered. Miles wanted to plan something that left her dancing across water.
He’d considered taking her to the City for a weekend or recreating their first date and hiking up Linden Mountain. There was always kayaking to an island for a picnic. But all of those choices seemed too easy. She deserved something unique, romantic, and intimate. Something picked just for her.
He climbed the granite ledge to the lodge, hoping to catch her for a pre-fishing kiss or two.
Nate’s meeting ended in about a half hour.
Miles didn’t know the meeting’s purpose, but lately Nate had been talking about fixing the potholes in the driveway before the Fourth of July.
It made sense, given they might sell out for the summer once Bright and Early broadcasted live from Montressa.
When Miles didn’t find Avery at the front desk, he wandered out to the front circle. At the bottom of the steps to the loft, his FaceTime rang. He slid his phone out of his pocket.
Hayes.
He should take the call. The realtor had emailed both of them the night before.
The other potential buyer of the corporate retreat had backed out.
He and Hayes should submit an offer. Miles sat on a bench hidden under the sweeping boughs of a pine tree.
He could see out, but no one could see in. Children called it “the spy bench.”
He answered, and Hayes and Anna Catherine lit up his screen. Baby Lennox sat on Hayes’s lap, facing the camera.
“Hey, baby girl, I’ve missed you,” Miles cooed. Lennox screamed in surprise at the sight of him and tried to grab the phone, but she lacked the necessary dexterity.
Miles moved his face off-camera and then back into view. “Peek-a-boo!”
He did it again and again, delighting Lennox, who cooed and giggled. A tree bough swung aside, and Avery stepped under the magnificent pine. A blush warmed his face.
“I thought you were playing peek-a-boo with me.” She giggled.
He felt his entire face and chest light up at the sight of her. She’d showered, and her damp hair had started to curl; Miles’s favorite look.
“Come here. I want you to meet my friends,” he said.
Avery nestled beside him. He wrapped his arm around her and her heavenly floral vapor greeted him.
“Hayes, Anna Catherine, and Lennox.” He pulled Avery into the frame. “Meet Avery.”
Anna Catherine’s jaw dropped as if she were the one meeting a celebrity.
“Avery, you exist.” Hayes’s big-screen voice hummed. “We’re so happy to meet you.”
“OMG.” Avery gaped at Miles with wide eyes and pointed at the phone. “He sounds like he does in the movies.”
“We can’t wait to meet you in person next weekend.” Anna Catherine wriggled on screen, overly giddy with excitement.
“And you too. I mean me. I mean, I can’t wait to meet y’all.” Her Southern accent signaled she was starstruck. Miles ran his thumb in a circle on her shoulder blade, hoping she wasn’t feeling put on the spot.
“Oh my goodness.” Avery palmed her face. “Let me start over. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
It sounded smoother. She’d be fine. Anna and Hayes were used to bringing conversations with fans down to a normal energy level. He’d witnessed it a thousand times.
Miles kissed her temple and Anna Catherine squealed. From there, he lost control of the conversation. Anna had so many questions for Avery. Hayes and Miles smiled as the two women prattled on about Lennox, fashion, why babies loved cell phones, and how much Anna loved the Peppered Page.
Miles envisioned Avery and Anna Catherine becoming friends and sharing secrets; ones that didn’t involve him and some that did. The two couples could do things together, like go to farmers markets and concerts. Nothing would make him happier.
But that little voice inside him kept telling him he’d lose her.
He cringed, hoping no one saw his rising anxiety. Having her beside him would be less overwhelming if he could get past the fear that losing her would be unbearable. Rationally, it was an unrealistic thought—one that shouldn’t prevent him from moving forward with the relationship.
He wasn’t sure he could ever love without this paralyzing fear. In hindsight, it had surfaced their first summer, after Avery said she loved him. He hadn’t said it back, but not because he didn’t love her. He’d feared what loving her could mean.
He hadn’t said “I love you” to anyone since his mother’s death because he and his mother had said it so many times in her last days, the words took on a new meaning. I love you came to mean Goodbye. Forever.
Seeing Hayes on FaceTime made Miles wish he could confess his fears to someone who understood heartbreaking, permanent loss.
Nate tried to understand, but couldn’t relate.
Miles’s father was inaccessible on the Appalachian Trail.
After years of his father dropping subtle and not-so-subtle hints, Lily’s mom had finally agreed to hike the trail this spring.
Miles didn’t want his problems to ruin their good time.
That left Hayes, the one person who had lived almost the same story.
But asking Hayes to reopen his wounds felt unfair.
This anxiety made no sense when something he had always wanted was going so well, but he worried Avery might rethink her decision to take him back if he admitted the dark thoughts roiling through him.
He needed to keep things light and happy this early in their rekindling.
Maintain the just-got-back-together bliss.
Take her on that incredible date he had yet to plan.