28. Riot
Riot
Kelsey scrambles off me before I have time to catch my breath. Damn it, Doc. I latch onto her wrist. “Don’t go anywhere.”
We have too much unfinished business. Her mouth against mine definitely did not feel like the end of anything.
“Sam?” She turns to him, while she tucks stray strands of her brunette hair behind her ears.
I can’t keep my eyes open. I start to drift.
“You can play nurse,” the doctor flirts with her.
He’s still the same old charmer, with his eighties rock band T-shirt, his white hair and a mustache that belongs at home in an old Western, but it’s those very things that make people at ease around him.
I struggle back to the surface. It’s like I have a head full of syrup and tiny creatures with beady eyes and big hammers. “What happened?”
“You overdosed you stupid, selfish jerk.” Her posture is rigid. “I can’t believe you would do that after Neil.”
“No.” That’s not... It’s not possible. Is it? My head is throbbing and it’s hard to concentrate. Sure, I drank and I smoked and I took a couple of pills. But I’m not addicted like Neil was. And I didn’t take that much. I groan as my eyes slip closed again.
“Could have been a bad batch,” Doc says.
I sink into the darkness again. Come back up to the weirdest conversation.
“Grab me one of those pregnancy tests, Kelsey,” Doc says. “We better make sure he’s not pregnant while we’re checking vitals.”
She bursts into strangled laughter.
I pry my eyes open. I almost need matchsticks to keep them from sliding shut again straight away.
She tries to contain her hysteria with her hand, but her watery gaze shines brighter.
A single tear escapes her lashes. The urge to swipe it from her skin and taste it is almost impossible to ignore. Is that a real tear because I scared her? They look real. Does she care that I’m still here?
“What are you playing at?” I grumble, the pregnancy test joke a reminder that she moved on after me.
Doc pulls out his blood pressure monitor and fits it to my bicep. It starts to squeeze. After he takes my vitals he collects a blood sample and asks me details about what I’ve taken. The amounts. Strange reactions I’ve had prior to collapsing in Kelsey’s bed.
“This doesn’t make any sense. I didn’t even have a chance to get as fucked up as I planned to.
I didn’t partake of any party favors since I had my own supply.
” And I’d left the party the first chance I had and headed back to the hotel with the sole purpose of having it out with Kelsey.
After that... “It’s mostly a blur. Probably a bad trip.
Something in the pills that shouldn’t have been. ”
“You have any left?” he asks.
“Yeah.” I reach into my pocket and hand the drugs over. “I got them from the same source as usual.”
“I’m going to have these tested,” he says. “How are you feeling now?”
“Like I want to die.” My throat is dry and my muscles are achy like I have the flu, plus my head is hurting like hell. “How long until I feel better?”
“Maybe by morning. There’s a bit of withdrawal to go through I’m afraid,” Doc says. “And we have to worry about the Narcan wearing off too quickly. I’m going to stay to monitor you overnight.”
“Kelsey can do it.” I’m not ready to let her go.
“Kelsey?” Doc watches her carefully. It’s weird. It’s like he’s concerned for her when I’m the one feeling like death.
Her cheek dimples where she’s chewing on it from the inside. She lets out a long audible breath. “I can do it.”
“All right then.” Doc stands. “I’m going to leave my bag here. If you need me for any reason, call down and I’ll be straight up.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Kelsey says, forcing me to let her go.
“How is he?” Rook’s rushed voice reaches me from outside the door as I close my eyes.
“Okay,” Doc says. “Kelsey is going to keep an eye on him. I’ll be back if I’m needed.”
“Thank you,” Rook sounds relieved. Some things he can’t protect us from, and it probably irks him.
“I’ve got it from here,” Kelsey tells him. “I’ll call if I need you.”
For a moment it gets quiet and then Doc asks, “Are you okay?”
“No,” Kelsey says, the word wobbly. “I haven’t been okay in a very long time.”
“Should I take it things didn’t go well?” Doc asks.
“Understatement of the century,” Kelsey’s voice trails away. The darkness starts to rock me. It might as well sing me a lullaby.
A door closes somewhere in the suite and echoes in my brain.
I open my eyes to the warmth of light on my face. It’s from the lamp on Kelsey’s bedside table.
She lays beside me, the covers over her and under me a barrier between us that might as well be made of brick.
The clock on my side of the bed reads four in the morning. I roll onto my side so I can watch her while she’s not telling me she hates me. Her peaceful expression is a painful reminder that I once loved moments like these. Once loved her more than any other person. More than myself.
Her eyes open and our gazes catch. She blinks groggily a couple of times and draws the blanket closer.
Neither of us speak. The silence grows thick and heavy.
It’s an unbearable weight on my chest. I have too many questions.
Where has she been? Did she have a baby?
Is she someone’s mom? Who has she been with?
Who’s the sperm donor? The man she moved onto after me?
Does she ever miss me the way I miss her?
“I loved you. I loved you so fucking much. Did you ever give a shit?”
Her eyes widen. They grow hard. “How dare you say that to me. You loved me enough to cheat on me with Sonatina.”
“No, I didn’t.” How many times do we have to cover this same old ground? “I would never—”
“You’re such a liar.” She sounds as exhausted as I feel.
“Your ridiculous jealousy made you imagine something was going on when there wasn’t. You didn’t trust me.”
“Trust you?” She scoffs. “I saw the two of you with my own eyes.”
My teeth grind painfully together. “Then you were hallucinating, because it never fucking happened.”
“Stop it. Stop trying to gaslight me. That’s the worst part. That you’re still trying to convince me I’m crazy instead of admitting you and Sonatina were fucking.”
“I fucked her.” There I admit it.
She makes a sharp, short sound.
“But that was after you left me.” And I have no idea how she could have even found out. Guess it, sure, with the way Sonatina portrayed us on social media those first six months after Kelsey. “While we were together, you were the only one I was with. The only one I wanted.”
She shakes her head. “You still can’t be honest with me, can you? The night we had that big fight—”
“All we did was fight that whole damn weekend.” She wanted me to go public. She was obsessed with Sonatina dressing like her. Acting like Sonatina had it out for her. Perhaps she thought Sonatina was onto her. It wasn’t long after that the truth came out.
“Fine. The night of the reception dinner surprise, you slept in the den.”
“I remember. I woke up with the worst hangover.”
“I came to find you.” She pulls a pillow between us and hugs it to her body.
“I don’t remember that.” She’d been asleep when I’d crawled into bed next to her. And then barely talking to me for the wedding.
“She was draped all over you. Her clothes were piled on the floor.” Her voice grows cold and wet. She has this distant look in her eyes. “So were yours. The room smelled like sex. Tell me again how you weren’t fucking her.”
“You’re wrong.” Acid rises in my throat, my stomach hardens. Tits rising and falling, a woman’s weight pressed into her hands on my chest while she rides me. Blonde hair tumbling forward over her shoulders to get in my face.
“Are you going to puke?” Kelsey sits up when I do. She hurries out of bed and rushes around to my side before dragging one of my arms around her shoulders and using her weight to steady me. “Can you make it to the bathroom?”
I cover my mouth with my hand as the acid bites in the back of my throat. We stumble into the bathroom, and I sag to my knees in front of the toilet.
These images are from a dream. Not from some night I don’t remember. This is bullshit. I didn’t cheat on Kelsey. I was in love with her. We’d been wasted on multiple occasions since we started screwing around too. Never once did I even imagine being with anyone else.
I sure as shit never would have fucked her over with Sonatina of all people.
I heave over the toilet seat, emptying the contents of my stomach.
So why is my cock screwed up when it comes to fucking blondes?
Guilt. Because it happened. Because I didn’t remember but it’s been messing with my head this whole time. Why didn’t I remember? Heave.
I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth when there’s nothing left to bring up.
I cheated on Kelsey. Even though I don’t remember it, I screwed Sonatina. “I slept with her. Didn’t I?”
“Yeah,” her emotions are so thick, the pain emanates from her.
My shoulders shake and I sob. “I cheated on you.”
She touches my shoulder, and it burns like fire despite my leather jacket between us.
I wrap my hand around hers as fragments come back in pieces.
The argument with Kelsey because Sonatina had tripped her and I hadn’t supported her.
The blur of performing with Sonatina even though I didn’t want to.
Having one last drink with the woman because I didn’t want to deal with what I was certain was Kelsey overreacting.
Waking up on the couch. Alone. When I should have been next to Kelsey. Telling myself that I didn’t notice the perfume on my clothes. Telling myself nothing could have happened, because I would never ever do that to Kelsey.
If only we could go back, I would do it all so differently.
But we can’t. We’ve both done things that can’t be undone. “Will we ever be able to forgive each other for the shit we did to one another?”
“I punched Sonatina. You slept with her. Those two things are not remotely in the same bracket.” She removes her hand from my shoulder.
“You almost cost the band everything.” I haul myself to my feet. “And then you move on like our friendship didn’t mean anything to you. Got yourself knocked up. Where’s the baby, Kelsey? Who’s the guy? Is he who you’re hiding from?”
That shuts her down real quick.
“Nothing to say?” I advance on her.
“Thanks for reminding me that you’re a prick as well as a cheater!” She snaps at me as I crowd her against the wall.
“I’m a prick. But you’re a thief. And a vandal. And you’re acting like a slut with my bandmates.”
Her hand makes contact with my cheek before I can blink. Her heated gaze instantly turns shiny.
“What the fuck?” I snatch her hand out of the air. My cheek hurts like a son of a bitch. The sting turning into a burning sensation.
“Don’t ever call me a slut again, asshole.” She tries to tug free. “Let go.”
“Tell me who it is,” I demand, obliterating any breathing room between us.
She licks her lips. “Go fuck yourself.”
“How about…” I grip her hip and slide my hand inside her pajama bottoms. “I fuck you instead.”