18. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
The Renegades traded their skates for wetsuits this weekend! Those Czech boys hosted another friends and family, un-sponsored-by-the-Pendletons event at the local waterpark and yours truly snatched that invite right up! I saw things! Big things! ~Penni’s Puckleberry Tea
Shep
“I like her.”
Shy’s voice cut through my thoughts, but my eyes stayed fixed on Merri and Scout and Millsy. They were attempting to towel-dry Clyde, who clearly had no interest in cooperating and instead sprawled in a patch of sunshine.
Hannah and Novak’s daughter shrieked and splashed at the edge of the shallow lagoon.
Hannah’s laughter pulled a smile to my lips even as a flash of indecision passed through me.
One of my teammates’ wives caught my eye and sent a friendly wave.
Was this what parenting was about? Should I be over there, taking my turn at chaperoning?
If only parenting came with a playbook.
Guilt pricked between my shoulder blades.
Did it make me a bad father that I’d spent the last hour on the obstacle course?
My deepest thought whether I could get Merri’s wetsuit unzipped without anyone noticing?
Just for a second. Just for a tease. Just to see if her cheeks would pinken and her eyes get wide—so wide they took up half her pretty face.
I’d imagined the feel of her skin beneath my fingertips, her surprised gasp as I brushed against her.
The thought of exploring more sent a bolt of lightning down my spine, straight to my dick.
Shy jabbed her elbow into my ribs.
Fuck. I wrestled my thoughts back under control, yanking my attention away from Merri. “What’s that?”
My little sister rolled her eyes. Heat flushed up my neck. “Don’t play dumb, brother dearest. Anyone with eyes can see you have a thing for the team’s new video coach.”
“And therein lies the problem, sister darling,” I said, matching her haughty tone. “The Renegades have a no fraternization policy.”
“Really? That sucks.” She sighed, shaking her head.
“Especially since you have the best excuse in the world, a brand new daughter. I bet Merri would have all sorts of ideas to help you connect with Hannah.” She paused, her expression softening.
“But it’s good to know you’re capable of feeling something for something other than a dang hockey puck. ”
“My priority is Hannah. I don’t have time for a relationship, even if it was possible.”
Shy’s brow lifted. “Oh, wow. Relationship, even.” She bumped her shoulder against my arm, her smirk full of meaning. “Those no fraternization policies are antiquated and you’ve always been good at multitasking. You’re definitely feeling something.”
Feeling something. The words weren’t pointed enough to be an accusation, but they still landed like one.
I should push back. I should remind her that my life—unlike hers—didn’t have room for casual speculation and matchmaking. But the resistance I should have felt? It wasn’t there.
Before Hannah, I’d already been edging closer with Merri. Taking up space in her world, letting her take up space in mine. I’d been right on the verge of pushing for more—more of her time, more of her attention. More of her.
Then everything changed.
And no matter how much I refused to look too long, refused to let my thoughts wander too far, that more I’d been wanting?
The desire was still there. And I wasn’t as far from it as I should have been.
Voices from the wading pool carried across the deck. I tore my gaze from Merri’s shenanigans with Scout and Clyde to fix on Hannah.
My daughter. My heart swelled in my chest, taking up at least twice the space as before. Her laughter floated toward me and my heart doubled in size again. How could a human being walk around with a heart the size of an elephant filling their chest?
I’d get this father thing down. I’d be the father Hannah needed.
Novak’s daughter, armed with a water blaster, aimed a jet of water right at Hannah’s head. My girl screamed, the sound devolving into helpless laughter as she flopped to the ground.
Hannah knew how to have a good time. She dished it out just as easily as she took it, always with a grin that said she was in on the joke, no matter which side she was on.
I didn’t need a paternity test to recognize the Landon blood running through her veins.
She was my daughter, my responsibility, my everything.
I knew that truth right down to the bone.
Shy wandered off to chat with the players and wives and girlfriends she knew, but I couldn’t catch a break. Novak settled in next to me, an amused smirk on his face.
“Cute daughter you picked up there, Landon.”
I nodded with a satisfied smirk of my own. “Hell yeah, she’s pretty much awesome. A Landon through and through.”
“Probably at that age where we’re not supposed to say cute, but that’s the first word that comes to mind. Tough break getting her at the start of the teen years. Trial by fire, my friend.”
“So I’m learning.” I dug the heel of my hand where my heart threatened to burst from my chest.
“How’s she get on with Merri?”
I jerked, nearly falling back on my ass. “What?”
Novak grinned down at me. He had three inches on me and never let me forget it. “What what?”
My gaze scanned the obstacle course and deck, lasering in on Merri where she, Scout and Millsy were attempting to roll Clyde to his opposite side to finish drying him off after his impromptu Must Rescue Dad From The Water drama.
They must still be worried about the beast being too cold—no dog wetsuit, afterall.
With the way his tongue lolled out of his great big head, I don’t think Clyde minded the attention.
Merri laughed, her face lit up with a genuine smile I could see even across the distance.
She was beautiful, with her red hair drying in a riot of curls every which way and her curves wrapped up in a black rubber suit.
The way she moved, the way she spoke, the way she dove into competition with such enthusiasm—every new piece of herself she revealed captivated me.
“You’re not fooling anyone.” Novak’s voice cut through my thoughts, bringing me back to reality.
I dragged my gaze from the way the wetsuit contoured to the curve of Merri’s ass. “No idea what you’re talking about, friend.”
Novak delivered an eye roll that would have made Shy proud. “Management gets wind, and that girl is out. She’d be lucky to get a job with a beer league, if the Pendletons decide to blacklist her.”
“Not many beer leagues hire video coaches, Novak.”
“Exactly, Landon. Keep that in mind if you decide playing with her is more fun than respecting the team rules.”
A fist to the gut, but I tipped my chin up. “There’s nothing going on. Nothing to worry about.”
“And you have Hannah to contend with now, too. You get her set up in school yet?”
“Her grandmother set it all up. She’d been laying the groundwork for a long time before she clued me in, I think. All I have to do is get Hannah there.”
“A new daughter, a schedule that has you in another state as often as you’re home, a team used to PR ops twenty-four seven from their golden boy…
Not a lot of room left over for working in a bunch of secret rendezvous.
” Novak’s voice held more than a little warning, but also a tinge of pity.
“You’re a hell of a sniper, but off ice it fails.
You may think you’re a good liar, but your face is not very convincing right now. ”
The fist in my gut twisted. I focused on the domed top of the deck heater. Not on the anger and frustration ripping up my insides. Or the heat flushing up my neck to burn the tips of my ears. I’d been thinking about Merri and possibilities and a candy-coated future.
And my sister—and Novak—were right. I had a thing for Meredith Wylie.
She was smart, funny, fiercely competitive. And her passion for hockey, her dedication to her work despite the pushback she must have felt over the years, was impressive. She fascinated me.
But I had no business feeling any kind of way toward her. Not with my obligations. Not with the team rules. I didn’t want to jeopardize her career.
Because push comes to shove, I had to be there for my daughter. I owed it to her and more than that, I wanted to. I wanted to be the parent I’d never had. The one that was involved, that cared, that knew what was happening in my child’s life and where her head was at.
My shoulders slumped under the weight of responsibility. I’d skirted taking on any more responsibility than necessary my whole life. But the idea of skirting it now was anathema. I didn’t want to avoid it; if anything, I was eager to take it on and create a future where Hannah and I both thrived.
I had a lot to figure out. I had to be the best dad to Hannah, continue being the best hockey player. But right now, all I wanted was to be with Merri, to feel her laughter against my skin, to dive into the challenge in her eyes.
Novak tossed a sharp nod to one of our teammates as he walked past us toward the lagoon, and I forced my gaze away from Merri for the millionth time.
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice barely a murmur. “I’m going to figure things out, though, my friend. I’m pretty clever, you know. Maybe I’ll figure out a way to have my cake and to eat it, too.”
“As long as you don’t screw up on the ice. Keep your head down and the points coming, Landon.” Novak punched me on the upper arm. “No more slumps.”
“Not happening.” I almost added that I had my lucky charm. But I didn’t believe in superstitions. And if I gave up Merri, did that mean I’d be giving up the little dude? Would the slump raise its ugly head again?
I shifted, my gaze drawn back to Merri like a damn magnet.
She’d moved on from Clyde, the mastiff dead to the world in a sun-drenched sprawl, and now stood with a group of players and wives.
Her face lit up mid-story, laughter spilling into the air, sharp and bright.
The sound streaked across my skin, leaving a trail of awareness in its wake.
She turned, heading for one of the tents to change out of her wetsuit, the late-afternoon sun catching on the damp fabric, limning the curve of her body. My breath came slow and deep, dragged from deep in my chest.
I could have it all. A daughter who already owned me, a career I lived for, and the woman I—
I snorted, shaking my head. Jesus. I barely kept my expression neutral, glancing around like some rookie caught staring. But Novak had moved on, harassing another poor bastard, and no one else was close enough to clock my reaction.
Not that it mattered.
Because I wasn’t starting to fall for Merri.
I was already there—completely, inevitably, hopelessly there.