Thirty-four
This can’t be happening.
No, no, no. Please. Fuck, please don’t let this be happening.
My knees give out and I collapse back onto the wall behind me. My head’s spinning, vision wavering in and out. I try to breathe, but it’s like my lungs are being crushed. Nothing feels right now. Not anymore.
“What— what’s going on?” I rasp.
Sienna steps forward, her brows knitted together. “I’m so sorry, Asher. I tried to tell you.”
“He doesn’t remember me?”
Her eyes fill with tears as she shakes her head.
I look back at Oakley, at the little line between his eyebrows as he watches me, trying to figure me out. To work out who I am. It breaks my fucking heart. The only person I’ve ever loved, the one who means the whole world to me, and he has no clue who I am. All of those memories, forgotten. He doesn’t know how important he is to me, all the things we’ve been through together. He doesn’t know any of it.
A sob crawls its way up my throat and I move for the door, needing a minute to… I don’t even know. But when I get there, Chief Farrow’s blocking the way, a big fucking smug smile on his face.
“I told you,” he says. “A funny way of working itself out.”
I’ve never thought that I could be capable of killing somebody with my bare hands, thought it was something I’d never be able to live with. But right at this moment, I know it’s not true. I could kill Chief Farrow. Could watch the life drain from his eyes and not feel a single ounce of remorse.
I cock back my fist, ready to throw it right at his jaw, when my dad appears out of nowhere, stopping me.
“Asher, that’s enough,” he hisses, his grip on my arm unrelenting. “Go wait in the car.”
I struggle against his hold, trying to barge past him so I can get to the Chief, can tear his fucking head off. But, it’s no use.
“Go,” he barks, maneuvering me out the door.
With a bone-deep sigh, I relent.
Every step toward the parking lot feels like another knife being plunged into my heart. And when I’m finally shut away inside the car, hidden from the rest of the world, every bit of emotion I’ve been trying to keep in comes pouring out.
I scream and cry, fists hitting the dash and the door and anything else I can reach. I yell until my lungs scream and my voice turns hoarse. Until my head pounds, the ache in my chest growing stronger and stronger. Until I have nothing left to get out.
I thought I had him. For one, far too brief, moment in time, Oakley Farrow was mine. I held everything I ever wanted in the palm of my hand, our future together so close that I could almost reach out and touch it. And now, I don’t have him anymore. I don’t have anything.
All those months of not being honest with myself about the way I felt, of torturing him and picking on him just so I had a reason to be close him. Such a waste of time. If only I knew then what I know now… I’d have marched right up to him on that very first day and kissed the hell out of him, consequences be damned.
But, it’s too late now. I’ve lost him forever.
By the time my dad makes it back to the car, I’ve calmed down some, my tears falling silently now. He climbs into the driver’s seat and sighs, but I don’t look at him, just keep my gaze fixed on the rain pouring outside the window.
He doesn’t say anything for a while, and when he does finally speak, it’s the last thing I ever expected him to say.
“I’m sorry, Asher.”
I whip my head toward him, eyes wide. “You are?”
He nods once. “I am. I thought that… this thing with Oakley was just a phase. A way for you to lash out at me. And clearly, I was wrong.”
“I love him.”
“I can see that now. How much pain you’re in over him.” He lets out a sigh that’s so heavy, so weighted, it feels like he’s been holding it in for years. “I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life. With you… and your mom. Made a lot of bad decisions. But the worst thing of all, is putting anything and anyone above my family. That’s a mistake that’ll stay with me for the rest of my life.”
I’m… speechless. This moment feels so surreal, like a dream or something. I never thought I’d hear him say these words, actually take responsibility for the things he’s done. And now that it’s happening, I have no idea what to say back.
“I don’t know about your mom,” he continues. A single tear escapes down his cheek and he quickly brushes it away. “Whether it’s too late to earn her forgiveness. But… I hope it’s not too late for you.” He turns to me then, sincerity in his eyes. “I want to be in your life, Asher. And not just as the overbearing, controlling father that you can’t wait to get away from. I want to be your dad. The dad I was before everything went wrong. The dad you deserve. And to do that…” He takes a deep breath. “I need to start by telling you everything I know.”
I give a jerky nod, my voice raw as I whisper, “Tell me.”
“I’ve known Chief Farrow for years, long before he was of any importance in the department. Back when I first met him, he was just a lowly deputy, but still a slimy piece of shit. Drinking on the job, taking bribes, extorting people. He’s always been dirty. Still, I played nice with him, always treating him like an old friend whenever we happened to cross paths.”
Just hearing about this, the stuff he gets away with, it sends my anger levels through the roof, makes my blood boil in my veins.
“He came to me about a year and a half ago,” he says. “Asked me for a favor.”
“What was the favor?”
“He wanted me to put him in contact with a good lawyer, someone I trusted, who’d be able to give him advice regarding a large sum of money. Money that was supposed to be his, but had been left to his brother. He wanted to know how to get his hands on it.”
I’m confused for a beat, but then it clicks. “Oakley’s trust fund.”
My dad nods solemnly. “Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. The way he explained it, it sounded as if he’d been wronged. Shunned by his family and then cheated out of money that was rightfully his. He’d just become Chief and I thought it couldn’t hurt to have someone like him owe me a favor in return, so I helped him. Except when he talked it through with my lawyer, it became pretty clear that there was nothing anybody could do to help him get the money. It had been left to his brother by their parents, perfectly legally. There was no way around it. Unless…”
He swallows hard and my stomach churns. “Unless what?”
“Unless something were to happen to his brother and his wife.”
Bile rushes up my throat and I push open the car door, bending over as I empty my stomach contents all over the parking lot floor. My head spins, the reality of my dad’s words setting in. He killed them. Chief Farrow killed Oakley’s parents. He was the other driver that ran them off of the road.
When there’s nothing left to come out, I swing the door shut and wipe my mouth off on my sleeve, breathing hard.
“I’m sorry, son. I know this is hard to hear.”
“Keep going,” I grit out.
He exhales shakily, but does as I say. “He never outright told me what he did, but it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together. Two weeks after he learned that, they were both dead. Hit and run. No suspects or witnesses.”
I shake my head, turn my bleary eyes up to the ceiling.
“He hoped the money would just be left sitting in an account and as a relative, he’d be able to claim it. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. He didn’t even know Oakley and April existed, or that the money had been left for them, only to be accessed when they graduate.”
“So, he took them in,” I mutter, voice as drained as I feel.
“Yes. He kept working with the lawyer, trying to find a way to access the money quicker. I knew he resented Oakley. Hated him, even. But, I didn’t think— I didn’t realize what he was doing to him. I swear, Asher. I didn’t know. If I did, then I never would have…”
“What?”
“He made him out to be a monster. Said he was just like his dad and that he’d corrupt you, ruin your life. Stupidly, I believed him. So, when he asked me to pay off every business in town, stopping them from hiring him, I did it. And when Oakley turned up at our house that night, working with the catering crew, I told Chief Farrow right away.”
“That’s why he hurt Oakley that night, because he’d gone against him. Found a way to get a job without him knowing.”
He scrubs his hands down his face, gasping out a curse as his chest heaves. “And I fucking told him about it. I thought I was doing the right thing, that by keeping Oakley out of your life, I was keeping you safe. And when I found out you were still seeing each other, I didn’t know what else to do.” He grabs my hand. “I need you to know, that threat I made about not paying for your mom’s care anymore? It was bullshit. I would’ve never done that. I just… I panicked.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. It’s not okay. None of this is. But, I’m gonna make it right. I’ve made hundreds of contacts over the years, got plenty of friends in high places. Someone, somewhere, will be able to help us. Get him behind bars where he belongs.”
I’m silent for a couple of minutes as I process everything. It feels like the last few days have just been one hit after another, a never-ending world of hurt. I don’t even know what to think anymore, what to feel. I’m just… exhausted.
“I spoke to the doctor after you left,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts. “This memory-loss that Oakley’s experiencing, it’s not uncommon after a head injury like the one he’s suffered. A lot of patients get it back after a few days or weeks. Maybe months. They can’t say for sure how long it will take Oakley or if he ever will, but…”
“How much has he lost? His memory, I mean.”
He hesitates. “The first thing he asked when he woke up was where his parents were.”
Just when I didn’t think I could feel any more pain, couldn’t cry anymore, I prove myself wrong. “Fuck. He doesn’t know?”
“They haven’t told him yet. I guess they’re worried about it being too much so soon.”
“Jesus, it’s gonna be like losing them all over again. He needs someone to be there for him. He needs— he needs—”
He needs me.
My dad places a hand on my arm, stopping my frantic rant. “He’ll be okay, Asher. He won’t be leaving the hospital for a while yet, and as long as he’s there, his uncle can’t do anything to him. As soon as we get home, I’m gonna make some calls and I won’t stop until I find someone to help us. Please, trust me.”
I’m still not used to this, him being so nice, and the thought of not being with Oakley leaves me so on edge that I can barely think straight. Still, I give him a nod and click on my seat belt when he tells me to.
We drive home in silence, the rain pattering on the roof of the car the only sound between us. When we pull into the driveway, he switches the engine off and goes to climb out but I grab his arm, stopping him.
“Dad?”
“What is it, son?”
“I, uh…” I try to tamp down my nerves, force myself to take a steadying breath. “A scout came to the game on Friday, from the Golden Bears. And they want me.”
His eyes grow comically wide. “California Golden Bears? You want to go to Berkeley?”
“I-I think so.”
His mouth opens and closes, then opens again. “I didn’t— I didn’t know that you— That’s fantastic, Asher.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I meant what I said before. I want to be the dad you deserve, and if Berkeley’s your dream, then I will support you every step of the way.”
It is my dream, but only if Oakley’s there with me.