7. Scooby Doo Bullshit
Scooby Doo Bullshit
Victoria
I closed my eyes and imagined what a double shot of tequila would taste like at the moment.
My tongue moved across my bottom lip, searching for the coarse sea salt I’d chase away with the liquor and lime.
A growl bubbled in my throat when Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum interrupted my fantasy with their bickering.
Seriously, these two fight more than Knox and I fight!
I rolled my eyes when a shoving match ensued.
We…are…doomed.
I put my fingers in my mouth and whistled, catching their attention. “What’s good?”
“Nothing’s good!” the co-pilot, Josh, exclaimed.
Knox and I glanced at each other before rolling our eyes.
At least King Dong gets me.
“Let me rephrase. What seems to be the problem?” I asked.
“The kid here thinks it’s a great idea to split up,” Knox informed me as he ripped off what was left of his dingy white dress shirt, leaving behind his white undershirt and bulging biceps and forearms.
“Split up?” I asked in disbelief when I finished objectifying my boss. “What kind of Scooby Doo bullshit are you on? We will not be splitting up,” I insisted.
“We need to find a water source,” Knox mentioned.
“But we also need to find food and look to see if there are other inhabitants. We can divide and conquer and split the tasks,” Josh expressed.
I see I need to speak to this man like those silly little interns we get that can’t tell their ass from a hole in the wall.
I clapped my hands together and fixed the co-pilot with a sweet-as-pie smile until Knox snorted in the background and made an under-the-breath comment about how Josh shouldn’t fall for my smile.
He’s talking a little too much shit for a man who starts stuttering when I bend over to pick something up.
“Josh, I want to start by recognizing that we’re only alive because of your aviation skills and quick thinking under pressure.”
“Are you serious?” Knox interrupted, sounding like a squealing pig. “This idiot—”
“Keep talking, Knox, and you’ll get a handful of sand in the face,” I threatened. I was satisfied when he clamped his mouth shut.
He knows I’m good for it.
“As I was saying, we’re alive because of you, and I appreciate your valiant effort.
I may not know everything about wilderness survival; however, we must stick together as we familiarize ourselves with the island.
There’s no telling what dangers we may encounter.
It could be anything from wild animals, poisonous insects, indigenous inhabitants, or quicksand—you name it.
We’d be foolish to believe we can go trekking in the jungle alone—”
“Wait…didn’t you go into the jungle alone?” Josh pressed, an amused smirk resting on his lips.
See…that’s why I should’ve let Knox knock your head off your shoulders.
“He got you there,” Knox muttered.
My smile widened as I attempted to keep my cool.
“Yes…Josh…I did go into the jungle unaccompanied, and look what happened. I’m speaking from a place of experience.
We need to stick together, at least for now.
Acquiring water is our number one priority, followed by food and then shelter.
We can kill two birds with one stone by searching for water and food simultaneously.
You did amazing by recovering useful items from the wreckage that we’ll be able to utilize. ”
“I did,” he boasted triumphantly.
Don’t get too full of yourself.
“You did. Now, do me a favor and gather the coffee pot, flashlight, scissors, first aid kit, and rope.”
“What do we need the coffee pot for?”
“The coffee pot is currently the only receptacle we have. We can use it to carry water or food. Also, don’t go into that jungle eating things willy-nilly, especially if you don’t recognize them. That may be your last meal.”
Josh nodded and returned to the raft he dragged to shore.
“A compliment sandwich? Really?” Knox asked.
“It worked, didn’t it?”
“Someone has been taking the HR-mandated leadership modules seriously.”
“And I know someone who doesn’t and usually waits until the last minute to complete them.”
“The active shooter training is bullshit; it’s the same song and dance. The people in the video stick around too fucking long after hearing the initial gunfire, and they don’t do the best job of running for their lives. It’s unrealistic,” he complained.
“Tell me about it! I’d be knees to chest!” I exclaimed.
He snorted. “Thank goodness for the panic room behind the bookcase in my office.”
I blinked rapidly as I tried to compute what the hell he just told me. “I’m sorry…what’s behind the bookcase?”
“A panic room.”
“And how come you’ve never told me about this panic room?”
“Because I didn’t want you to get to it first and lock me out.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and kicked at a brown and white hermit crab shell, sending it flying a few feet away from me.
“Real talk?” I stated, tilting my head to the side.
“Always.”
“I would’ve slammed that door shut like John Kramer did to Dr. Lawrence Gordon in Saw .”
“I expected nothing less,” Knox said, chuckling. “It was an amazing movie for its time—very original.”
“Eh, I was four when it was released.”
“That’s depressing to hear,” he muttered.
“Why?”
“I was 28 when it was released,” he admitted, cringing as he went down memory lane.
My overwhelming urge to call him a dirty old bastard for lusting after me was put on the back burner when a sudden thought came to me. “Hey, Knox?”
“Please don’t make fun of my age.”
“No, I’m being serious. Are you on any medication?”
“Besides a daily vitamin supplement? No. My last physical was three months ago, and I received a clean bill of health.”
“Thank God,” I murmured.
I don’t need this man dropping dead on me because he didn’t have his pressure medication.
“What about your vision? I’m assuming you don’t have spare contacts with you.”
“I’ll survive without them.”
“Are you guys ready?” Josh asked, ambling towards us.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I mumbled.
My eyes widened when Knox grabbed my hand and laced his fingers in mine.
“Wh—”
“I can’t have you running off.”
He’s just looking for an excuse to touch me. I should snatch my hand away, but who am I to deny him such a simple pleasure when he may never leave this island?
Knox
“I…I need to take a break,” Josh announced, groaning feebly as we searched for provisions.
I slapped at two mosquitoes on my forearm and grinned in triumph at the sight of the smeared blood and smashed insects. We’d been walking for nearly three hours, and I had to be covered in over one hundred mosquito bites. I was tired, sweaty, and itchy, and not in the mood for anyone’s bullshit.
“We just took a break ten minutes ago,” I said, throwing him an unimpressed glance over my shoulder.
“It doesn’t matter if it was ten or two minutes ago. I need a break.”
“No, we need to keep pressing forward.”
“Ramsey,” Victoria said.
She only calls me by my surname when there’s zero room for argument.
I relented.
“Five minutes, and then we need to keep moving.”
“Thank fuck,” Josh whimpered, plopping down on a log for respite.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Victoria said as she wiped her forehead with the bottom of her shirt, revealing her soft belly and belly button ring.
“And why not?” he asked childishly.
“Because bugs love living in those hollowed-out logs. There’s no telling what might be in there—ants, termites, beetles, spiders—”
“Shit!” Josh yelped, jumping from the log and slapping at his legs. “Fucking fire ants! Just get it over with and kill me now!”
“Don’t tempt me, kid,” I mumbled as I observed our surroundings.
Our food search hadn’t been as successful as I’d hoped.
Everything we’d come across was, at the very least, questionable.
I thought we’d hit a minor jackpot when we stumbled across some fallen coconuts.
However, Victoria warned us that fallen coconuts had to be carefully examined for cracks and damage due to the potential risk of contaminants.
I spent the next thirty minutes cracking open brown coconuts that all proved to be spoiled.
We’re off to a great fucking start, and at this rate, we’ll have to rely on what we can catch out at sea.
“Are you all right, Victoria? I haven’t heard much from you. Usually, I can’t go more than ten minutes without hearing a complaint.”
She shrugged.
“I think I should’ve taken advantage of the free gym membership in my employee package and cut back on the donuts.”
“Way to take personal accountability,” I praised playfully.
“How much further will we walk in this direction before doubling back?”
I sighed and placed my hands on my hips. “We need to go as deep as we can. Returning to the beach without fresh water isn’t an option.”
“We might have an alternative if we don’t find water,” Josh offered.
“And what is that?” I questioned, keeping my expectations low to avoid disappointment.
“We were carrying cases of water on the jet. There’s a possibility that there might be some water bottles floating around the wreckage. We planned on returning to the wreckage to scavenge for supplies anyway.”
“How many cases were there?” Victoria asked.
“Six. They were 32-count.”
“That could last us a while if we’re conservative,” she spoke wistfully.
I shook my head. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but we shouldn’t get our hopes up and should remain focused. If, by some miracle, we find some bottles floating at sea, wonderful, but we must keep our expectations in check. More likely than not, that won’t occur.”
“I don’t see how you worked for him. He seems like such a Debbie Downer,” Josh complained to Victoria, trying to get some sympathy points from her or kiss her ass. It was difficult to tell. The boy seemed to have a kiss-ass nature about him.
Victoria glared at him, and I’d expected her to hurt his feelings with one of her snarky remarks, but I was sorely disappointed when she said, “I wouldn’t lean against any trees if I were you.”
“Why not?” Josh asked.