Chapter 10
SINCLAIR
We sat in the old greenhouse together for ages, talking into the wee hours of the morning.
The hard core, which consists of Tori, Emma and Henry – and normally Olive too, but she went back to her wing early with the others.
I came close to asking Tori if she’d like to sleep over at mine, the way Emma followed Henry into his room as if it was the most natural thing in the world, but that would have been pushing my luck.
So I just hugged my best friend in the hallway that leads to the west wing, wished her goodnight and went back to my cold, empty bed, where I lay for ages, flicking through her notes in the book, until I must eventually have fallen asleep.
The next day, I get a cake for breakfast in the dining room and everyone comes to wish me a happy birthday.
Even Mum gives me a hug when we bump into each other in the corridor.
This evening, she and Dad are taking me out for dinner, and on Sunday my grandparents are coming round for tea.
I’m really looking forward to it, but I could have done with a bit more sleep as I head to the riding school for stable duty.
I don’t have an official lesson scheduled for today, but I’m hoping to exercise Jubilee.
The Trakehner mare isn’t one of the school horses – she belongs to Kendra in the fourth form – but recently her owner has been less interested in her horse than in going out with her friends, so her parents and Mrs Smith, our riding teacher, agreed that I’ll care for Jubilee too.
It’s amazing how easily I forget she isn’t actually mine since I’ve been working with her so often.
I’ve often known horses and their owners not to get along very well with each other, but there’s absolutely no connection between Kendra and Jubilee. They seem equally scared of each other, which sometimes causes trouble. But Jubilee’s an amazing horse when you know how to handle her.
The moment I step into the stables, people crowd round to wish me a happy birthday.
I chat to them briefly and then everyone gets back to work.
I can see my breath hanging in the air in little clouds as I walk down the cold stable lane to Jubilee’s paddock.
I’d been intending to do a bit of schooling with her, then pop a few jumps.
That was my plan, but as I approach her box, I see Kendra trying to lead the mare out – without much success.
I force myself not to speed up because Jubilee’s looking tense enough as it is.
Her ears are back and she’s deeply suspicious: she’s got whale eyes and she’s not budging an inch.
‘Hey,’ I say, drawing attention to myself calmly but clearly as I come closer. Even so, Kendra jumps and whirls around. ‘Are you two OK?’
‘She never wants to go out,’ Kendra exclaims. She looks so frustrated that I feel sorry for her. ‘Could you just . . .?’
She holds out the halter to me and because Jubilee’s already looking seriously stressed, I take it.
Kendra immediately retreats to the edge of the box as I murmur a few soothing words to Jubilee, then lead her out onto the path.
She calms down almost immediately in my presence, which in turn seems enough to tip Kendra over the edge.
‘She hates me,’ she whispers, when I glance over.
‘She does not hate you,’ I reply at once.
Kendra laughs. ‘Just look at her. She’s a completely different horse any time you come near. I just can’t handle this whole thing with her any more.’
I reach for Jubilee’s grooming box, which Kendra’s already brought out, and throw her a curry comb.
‘No offence,’ I say, as I join in with brushing Jubilee’s pale brown coat, ‘but do you actually enjoy all this? Working with horses, riding lessons?’
Kendra is silent. Then she shrugs her shoulders. ‘I wish I did, but . . . no, I’m sorry, it’s just not fun any more.’
‘So why do you do it?’
‘Because my parents want me to,’ Kendra says. ‘They bought Jubilee because I begged them. But maybe I only liked the idea of having my own horse. Going in for events with her, I wanted all that . . . but it’s actually not really my thing.’
‘Have you ever told them that?’ I ask.
Kendra nods. ‘Yes, but they said I wanted her, so now I have to look after her properly.’
‘Hm.’ I give a slight nod.
‘They can’t just give her back.’
‘No, that’s true,’ I say slowly, looking out to where the horses Mrs Smith doesn’t need for today’s riding lesson are grazing in the paddock. ‘Maybe it would be possible for the school to take her on.’
Kendra looks up. ‘Do you think so?’
‘You could suggest it to your parents.’
‘Would you ask your mum?’ Kendra asks. ‘I mean, you get on so well with Jubilee. Then at least I’d know she’s got someone she really means something to.’
I nod, because that’s way better than the idea of Kendra’s parents selling her on altogether.
I’ve been riding her for over eighteen months now and we’ve really bonded.
She still wouldn’t be mine if the school bought her, but at least I’d know she wouldn’t suddenly be gone.
I definitely need to talk to Mum about it.
‘We’ll sort something out,’ I promise Kendra, as I send her off to the tack room.
My hands are dirty and my head is calmer when I’m here.
I don’t have to, but once she’s saddled up, I follow Kendra and Jubilee into the arena.
There aren’t many others here today, so I come down to give Kendra a few tips, set up jumps for her and take them down again.
She’s really trying, but after a half-hour battle that brings Kendra to the verge of tears, I let her dismount and promise to look after Jubilee.
Kendra looks guilty and relieved in equal measure as she leaves the hall.
My feet are like ice, but after that short session with Kendra, Jubilee’s stressed out and dripping with sweat, so I don’t want to go without having ridden her dry for a minute or two.
I’m wearing thin gloves, but my fingers are still freezing as I mount and take the reins.
I’d love to jump with her a bit, but Jubilee seems worn out, even though she didn’t take a single fence with Kendra.
It’s clear that there’s no trust between them, because Juby’s a brilliant jumper.
If Mum really did buy her for the school, maybe I could enter a few events with her in the summer . . .
I let my mind wander for a bit, but then I look over to the arena fence.
Tori’s leaning both arms on it, watching us. How long has she been here? It’s turned into kind of a thing between us that Tori comes to see me at the stables once she’s finished gardening duty with Mr Carpenter and Mr Ringling. They often finish way earlier than I do.
The spectators’ area is slightly raised, so we’re about eye to eye as I ride towards her.
‘Hi,’ she murmurs. Tori looks freezing and her cheeks are flushed with cold.
I jerk my thumb to the door that leads to the manege.
As Tori moves to take up my invitation, I swing a leg over the saddle.
As always when my feet are this cold, a stabbing pain shoots down my legs as I hit the ground.
Tori comes closer and lifts her hand to greet Jubilee.
‘Hi, Queenie,’ she murmurs, as I take off my helmet and hand it to her.
I can’t even remember when this ritual began.
It must have been back when Tori and I were hanging around together twenty-four/seven, and I was teaching her to ride.
She doesn’t really seem to have the horsewoman gene, but we got into a habit where she gets into the saddle for a few cool-down rides after the lesson.
Jubilee seems relaxed enough now for me to risk it today.
I glance at what Tori’s wearing and consider her leggings and trainers good enough. Jubilee is considerably taller than Tori, so I give her a leg up. I might just be a wee bit proud of the smooth way Tori swings herself into the saddle.
I take Jubilee by the bit ring and start moving, aching feet and all.
‘Why are you still here?’ Tori asks, and I glance over my shoulder to her in surprise. ‘It’s your birthday.’
‘Stable duty,’ I answer, as if she couldn’t tell. ‘But I’ll head home later.’
‘Doing anything nice?’
‘Mum and Dad are taking me out to dinner.’
‘You’re tense,’ Tori says, out of the blue.
Yes, I really am. And it doesn’t exactly make it any better to think about last night and her hands on my chest. Her eyes wander over me. From my jacket to my tight-fitting jodhpurs, and her looking at me like that does something to me.
‘I’m just tired,’ I say. Which is true. ‘I started your book last night.’
‘Really?’ Tori’s expression brightens, almost like she’s genuinely surprised that I’ve even looked at it.
‘Of course,’ I reply, sounding a little offended. I’m not Val, I add in my mind, but I bite the words back, along with the irritation that’s trying to rise up inside me. Juby’s a sensitive horse and I don’t want to risk anything with Tori on her back. She’s not as safe in the saddle as I am.
‘I’m glad you like it,’ Tori says.
I like everything you do.
‘About the other day,’ I say instead. ‘I didn’t mean to have a go at you like that after the auditions.’
‘I know, Sinclair. And you might have had a point. If Val hadn’t been there, maybe I’d have been braver.’
‘You could always ask Mr Acevedo,’ I begin, but Tori shakes her head.
‘He’s already spoken to me and asked me if I’d like to be assistant director.’
‘Oh.’ I gulp. ‘And . . . would you?’
‘I think so. He said I can just come along to the next rehearsal and then we’ll work everything out.’
‘That would be so cool,’ I say. ‘We’d get to spend more time together again.’
I’d forgotten how Tori’s smile warms me. ‘We would.’
‘And about Eleanor . . . I really don’t want anything more than friendship from her, OK?’
‘Sinclair, it’s fine. Best friends support each other in everything.’
And, yeah, what can I do but nod?
TORI