Chapter 29
SINCLAIR
That dickhead Henry has sent me three sock emojis, with a question mark, to which I am sadly forced to reply with a middle finger. He sends me the smiling face with halo and then the hear-no-evil monkey.
I hate him.
In the end, we’ve already done the essentials in the theatre. I’m not quite sure how, given tonight’s events, I’m ever meant to stand on that stage without immediately getting hard, but I guess it was probably worth it.
Shit, yes, it was worth everything. Tori’s face just before she came.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as beautiful.
The sounds she made. Her arousal, the pleasure I gave her.
If I could spend the whole rest of my life doing just one thing, it would be that.
Bringing Tori to climax. All day long. With my mouth, my tongue, my fingers, my dick.
It really was kind of incredible. So much better than last time.
And not only because she grew tight around me and started to throb, so that I didn’t have a hope in hell of holding on even a second longer.
But because it was clearly as good for her as it was for me.
Because this time it felt like sleeping together.
Not in, out, wham, bam. I don’t know what I should do if it doesn’t get a bit better every time.
Because every time we get to know something new, discover something about each other.
Oh, God, I can’t wait. All the things we can still do. If Tori wants to.
I think she does. She kisses me as we fall to my bed, almost before we’ve kicked our shoes off. I pull the duvet over us and Tori lays her head on my chest.
‘Will you sleep here?’ I make no effort to hide the hope in my voice.
She nods. ‘Yeah, unless?’
‘Yeah.’ I put both arms around her. Our bodies are touching.
Everywhere. I’m only too aware of that, but I can feel that she’s tired.
Her muscles relax, I stroke her shoulders.
She loves that and I know it. Her hand is lying on my chest and she’s not moving.
I think she’s fallen asleep, but then she starts talking.
‘Are you nervous?’
‘What about?’
‘The performance.’ She runs her finger up to my collarbone. ‘It’s not long now.’
‘True,’ I say. Only a few weeks, and I don’t feel anywhere near ready. We’re still a long way off running through the whole play. The way things are going, we won’t have many chances to do so before the opening night. If at all. Don’t think about it . . . ‘Yes. I think I’m pretty nervous.’
‘Nerves are good,’ says Tori. ‘They mean it matters to you.’
‘I never expected to find it this much fun,’ I admit.
‘Being on stage?’ she asks. ‘The Aquarius in you.’ She says it so matter-of-factly that I have to smile.
‘But I still wish you’d got a part too.’
‘Maybe it was meant to be this way. I don’t have to be dying of nerves on the first night and I’ll be able to look after you.’
‘Also true.’
‘And we’ve got next year’s play.’
‘True again.’ I hug her tighter. ‘Then you’ll be Juliet.’
‘And you’ll be Romeo.’
I shrug. ‘I doubt that Mr Acevedo would let anyone play the lead twice.’
‘What if nobody else is as good as you?’
‘You’re forgetting Henry,’ I say.
Tori laughs. ‘I’m sure Henry’s the last person to have theatrical ambitions.’
‘That’s what you thought about me.’
‘Yes, but only until I properly thought about it.’
‘I still don’t understand why Valentine didn’t snatch the main role for himself,’ I murmur.
I feel Tori tense and immediately regret mentioning him.
‘I think Val has a very good idea of what he can and can’t do. And if he doesn’t see a thing as worth putting any effort into, he’d rather make fun of it.’
He’s so immature . . . I bite the thought back.
‘He’s so immature,’ says Tori. I suppress a laugh. ‘No, he really is. I’m still annoyed with how childishly he behaved at the auditions. And that I was sitting there with him and the others. I hope they don’t come to the performance.’
‘That would be better. I doubt he even understands the play,’ I add.
‘Mr Acevedo said the other day that every year there are kids in the audience who don’t get it so they laugh.
But he also said every play is like a mirror held up to each member of the audience.
What they end up saying about it tells us more about them than about us. ’
‘That’s one way of looking at it.’
‘Yeah, right?’
Tori nods. ‘I’m super-nervous.’ She puts a hand on my shoulder and I don’t think she has any idea how wild that drives me. ‘I can’t believe the school year’s nearly over.’
‘Are you spending the summer in France?’
Tori shrugs. ‘We haven’t discussed it. Probably, though.’ She turns her head and blinks up at me. ‘Will you come with us again?’
‘If you’ll have me.’
‘Of course we will.’
I have to smile. I’ve missed spending the summer with Tori’s family at their holiday home in the South of France.
‘Or we can go travelling together,’ she says. ‘Interrailing. Just take a backpack and one train after another, through Europe. Unless you’d hate it?’
‘I’d love it.’
‘Genuinely?’
‘Genuinely. We could go to Verona. I need a photo of you on Juliet’s balcony.’
Tori laughs softly, and it’s the loveliest sound in this whole damn world.
‘Then where?’ she asks, squirming to and fro until she’s found a comfy position.
‘Venice and Florence, obviously,’ I say. ‘Via Paris and Zürich.’
‘Zürich’s not that pretty,’ Tori says. ‘Just expensive.’
I shake my head. ‘With you, everywhere’s pretty.’
She smiles.
TORI
The days are growing warmer and the evenings are longer so, naturally, we have end-of-year exams to do.
Each teacher suddenly finds something they need to cram into us.
May and June would be stressful enough anyway, but now that the performance is getting closer, those of us without exams are spending almost every afternoon in the theatre, and I can’t get anything else done.
I can’t even remember when I last posted on Insta or TikTok, but there’s more important stuff right now.
My nights are reserved for Charlie, and although I’ve never slept less in my whole life, I feel more awake than ever.
This afternoon, too, I’m heading to the north wing after study hour because there’s a rehearsal any minute.
I meet Eleanor on the west-wing staircase, where she’s coming down from the floor above us, a spring in her step.
‘Hi, Tori,’ she says, in a tone that makes me prick my ears. And, yes, once we’ve chatted about her final A-level exam, which was last week, she pauses.
She glances around as we walk along the hallway. ‘I don’t think I ever said how happy I am for you and Sinclair,’ she says. ‘And I hope you aren’t giving a second thought to Val. He’s not worth it.’
That tells me he got into her head, the way he’s in mine. And I hate him for that. ‘Thanks. Maybe you’ll have to teach me. How not to waste time thinking about him, I mean.’
‘It takes a while. Maybe even longer.’
‘Great.’
‘I don’t know exactly what he said to you, but if it wasn’t nice, that’s on him, not you. And you didn’t deserve it, even if he tried to tell you that you did.’
I force myself to nod. ‘I’m so pissed off,’ I say. ‘With him, but especially with myself. For letting it get that far.’
‘It’s good that you’re angry,’ Eleanor says. ‘But don’t be angry with yourself. Honestly, Tori, be kind to yourself. Please. You have to stop thinking the way he taught you to.’
And suddenly Eleanor’s not a rival any more, she’s an ally. Maybe she was the whole time, but I was so paranoid that I couldn’t see clearly.
‘I’ll try.’ I pause, but I have to say it. She deserves an apology. ‘And I’m sorry, Eleanor. I was jealous of you and Charlie. I hope I didn’t show it.’
‘Jealous?’ She sounds surprised. ‘Because of the role?’
I chew my bottom lip. ‘A bit of everything, I think. I thought Charlie and you . . . I thought there was something between you.’
‘Hold on, didn’t he say anything?’
My blood runs cold. ‘Didn’t he say anything about what?’
‘About me . . . I mean . . .?’ Eleanor trails off.
I can’t move. ‘Tori, there was nothing between us,’ she says.
‘We met up before we started rehearsing and talked about how far we wanted to go. I told Sinclair about Sophia. My girlfriend. I asked him not to tell anyone, but I assumed he’d have let you know anyway. ’
Girlfriend . . .
Girlfriend as in spoken for, as in She’s with someone so she didn’t want anything from him. The whole time I’ve been hating her for nothing.
Why am I like this? Why couldn’t I just have trusted Charlie?
‘So he didn’t say anything?’ Eleanor guesses, as I still don’t reply. I shake my head. ‘Well, now you know.’ She gives me a small smile. ‘It looks like Sinclair really can keep a secret. Not that I expected anything less.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—’
‘It’s fine, Tori,’ she interrupts. ‘He only ever had eyes for you.’ She smiles. ‘I know he’s no mysterious alpha-male rugby captain but, believe me, you’d rather be with someone who treats you the way you deserve. Which he does. Mrs Sinclair brought him up right.’
‘She really did,’ I say.
‘Maybe I should have told you sooner. It must have been really awful for you, seeing us on stage together.’
‘It wasn’t great,’ I admit, ‘but the two of you are so good together.’
‘Thank you. He’s really fun to work with. And so are you as assistant director. It beats me how you always keep on top of everything.’
‘Me too.’ I laugh. ‘Is Sophia coming to the opening night?’
‘I didn’t want her to at first, but I think she will, yes. The Leavers’ Ball is the following weekend so it’s worth the trip up for her. She’s a student in London.’ She lowers her voice as we come closer to the theatre.
‘That’s nice. And thank you for keeping asking how I was while I was still seeing Val. It was reassuring to know you were around.’
Eleanor smiles. ‘You’re welcome, Tori,’ she says, slipping through the theatre door ahead of me.