10. Mateo
MATEO
“You didn’t say anything about a cat.”
My ex-wife keeps a smile on her face as she grits through her teeth, keeping her voice low enough that Crew won’t hear.
“Relax, it’s just Pepper’s carrier.” She hands me the cat’s carrier, and I’m relieved to see the stuffed animal version of my son’s cat.
“The real one is at home. I have a neighbor taking care of her while we’re gone. ”
I press a kiss to Talia’s cheek before giving her room to come into my hotel room. “And there’s my favorite kid,” I announce, kneeling to Crew’s height. “How was the flight, buddy?” I swipe the hair falling into his eyes to the side, setting the cat carrier down beside me.
“I could see the whole world from up there!” He holds his arms out wide as if to show how big the world is.
“The whole world?” I playfully exclaim. “That’s so cool. Did you see any clouds?”
Crew nods eagerly. “We flew right through them!”
I drop my jaw, and it makes him giggle. “Did you fly like this?” I grab him in my arms, holding him up high as I carry him into the hotel room, making my best plane noises as the door shuts behind us.
“Higher, Daddy!” Crew squeals between giggles.
“Okay, okay, let’s save the flying to the professionals,” Talia says as I settle Crew back on the floor, his giggles fading as I help him catch his balance. “Are you excited to go on tour with Daddy?” she asks him.
Talia had called yesterday, filling me in on her conversation with Crew and how she was going to be away from work for a while, and that she would see him “on the phone”—which is how we explain FaceTime to him—and she would visit as much as she could.
She said that he took it well, or as well as a four-year-old could.
It looks like she’ll be able to visit once a month, which I know Crew will love.
“I get to see Daddy sing,” Crew answers with a few big nods and a grin on his face before he asks, “Mommy, can I watch the monsters?” He points to the TV hanging on the wall, showing just how quickly his mind can change directions.
“Sure, honey,” Talia says before turning the TV on and pulling up the streaming service available.
She finds “the monsters” Crew is referring to in the form of one of his favorite movies before glancing at her watch.
“He’ll need dinner soon,” she tells me. “And his bedtime is at eight.” She looks back at him before closing the distance between us.
“Daniel had to finish up some work,” she glances down at her watch again.
“I’m meeting him at the airport in about an hour. ”
“Hey,” I say gently. “You okay?”
She turns over her shoulder, and I follow her gaze, finding Crew cross-legged on the couch, his hands in his lap, his lips slightly parted as he follows the characters on the screen.
When Talia turns back to me, I can see the tear she tries to quickly wipe away. “I feel so guilty for leaving him.”
“Tal, don’t do that.” I grab her shoulders, trying to find her eyes with mine. “You are the most amazing mother. I know that. Crew knows it. And you taking this opportunity for your career shows Crew how important it is to not only love what you do but work hard for it.”
“I know,” she says quietly. “I just hate leaving him.”
“It’s not forever. We’ll FaceTime; you’ll visit. We will make this work. I promise.”
Talia shakes her head. “You’re sure? Tour is already a lot of responsibility for you, Matty, and Crew needs all of you.
I was thinking about it on the flight over here.
This is a lot on you. On both of you. I should’ve realized it earlier, but with how fast this all happened, it didn’t hit me until now.
Are you sure you can do this all on your own?
Maybe we should see if he can stay with Mia, or—”
“Don’t worry about it,” I interject, dropping my arms to my sides. “I got it covered.”
Talia’s lips close, and she cocks her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I hired a nanny.” The lie rolls off my tongue but leaves a bad aftertaste. I don’t feel good about not telling Talia the truth—that I’ve been freaking the fuck out about having Crew on tour—but I don’t want her worrying. Especially not when she needs to be on a plane in the next few hours.
“A nanny?” she parrots. I can tell she’s curious, but the relief in the way her shoulders drop and her features soften instantly makes me feel a little better about jumping the gun with the nanny situation.
Seeing the way Talia’s body eases has me adding, “I hired her this morning. She’s a friend of one of the kids in our opening band. Her name is Emerson.”
“That’s great!” Talia says, reaching to squeeze my arm. “What a great idea, Matty. I’m so glad you’ll have help. Is she here? I’d love to meet her.”
I feel my ears heat, the lie starting to take a more physical effect on me. I rub the back of my neck with my palm. “Not yet,” I answer. “She’s from home, so she’s on her way here to meet us.”
“Has she met Crew?”
Before I can respond, her phone rings from her purse sitting on the coffee table, drawing her attention from me. It gives me a moment of reprieve to collect my thoughts and get my story straight, but I feel a prickling sensation in my fingertips, like energy that is begging to be used.
I hate the idea of lying to Talia about getting Crew a nanny, especially since I haven’t even met the one who basically talked me into giving her a chance.
Emerson.
She could be a crazed fan trying to get close to me.
Or just crazy in general.
Sure, Liam vouched for her, saying that she’s a good friend of his and would be a great fit not only for Crew but on tour.
Apparently she’s been a nanny before, and she’s got a caretaker streak too.
I didn’t get to ask Liam much about that before he was called away for soundcheck, but he also said she’s excited to work for me, and that thought alone made me more nervous to meet her than I already am.
No.
I’m not nervous to meet her.
I’m nervous that this will all crash and burn in my face and leave me more fucked than I was before.
“That was Daniel,” Talia says, pulling me from my thoughts. “I should probably head back to the airport.” She rolls her lips together, blinking a few times as she glances at Crew.
I nod. “For sure.”
I pull her in for a hug, wishing her luck and reminding her one more time that she has nothing to worry about.
She pulls back, her eyes damp again, and I feel my own eyes threaten to water as I watch her sit down next to Crew, pausing his movie and opening her arms for him to climb into. She tries to keep a smile on her face, even though I know leaving him is killing her.
“Mommy, are you going to the place with the chocolate bread?” Crew asks, and Talia laughs, brushing his long hair out of his eyes.
“Yes, honey, I am.”
“Will you bring me some when you come back?” he asks, looking up at her with those big blue eyes.
“Absolutely.” She pulls him in for one more hug, holding him tightly and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I love you, Crew.”
“Love you, Mommy,” he says against her chest before sitting back and asking her to turn his movie back on.
“Chocolate bread?” I ask as I walk Talia to the door.
She smiles, sniffling as she loops her purse over her shoulder.
“We went to a coffee shop yesterday, the one next to Lenny’s.
And they had chocolate croissants,” she explains.
“Crew wanted to try one, and he loved it. Kept saying he wanted to eat one every day.” She laughs at the memory, and my lips tug to the side.
I can picture it perfectly—Crew, with chocolate all over his face, announcing that it’s the best thing he ever tasted, loud enough for the whole coffee shop to hear.
Talia continues, “So I told him I was going to the place that makes the best ones.” She reaches out to open the hotel door. “And I guess he remembered.”
“That kid of ours,” I say with a sigh, both of us turning to look at Crew. He’s gone from seated to laying down, his arms curled at his chest. He blinks slowly as he tries to stay awake, no doubt exhausted from a long day of traveling.
“Thank you, Matty,” Talia says, and my eyes meet hers. “For doing this.”
“I’m happy to.”
And I mean the words with everything I have.
Nothing makes me happier than having this time with Crew.
I just hope I don’t fuck it up.