Epilogue
‘I cannot believe I’m on a cruise,’ Naomi moans. ‘It’s quite frankly unacceptable.’
She peers over the side of the ship. ‘Is it too late to back out?’
I watch as the pier slowly disappears from view. ‘Hmm, I’d say yes. Unless you fancy swimming?’
She sighs. ‘Salt water and a spray tan do not mix.’
It’s been two years since I last boarded the Ocean Belle, and here I am again. Pale and covered in factor fifty. Although it looks exactly the same, for me, so much has changed.
A few months after I returned to London, I decided to continue with tango lessons.
My ￡40 shoes and I now attend Amaya’s class on Thursday nights.
I’m actually pretty good at it and have the best forward ocho in the class, if I do say so myself.
I’ve also made some friends there. After lessons we go out to eat and it’s become my highlight of the week.
Charlie Fox, my university crush, is now divorced. A little birdie (Instagram) tells me he’s back at his parents’ house in Kettering until he gets back on his feet. He’s also grown a wispy little fart of a moustache. It’s ridiculous.
Workwise, it’s been stressful but worth it.
I was headhunted by JY Marketing. I’m now head of marketing at their big, shiny impressive offices in Harrow.
The last Friday of every month is bring your dog to work day.
My rescue Pug, Pasha, enjoys this as much as I do.
Kieran has also been offered a position. I hope he takes it. I miss him.
Most importantly, it’s been two years since a handsome man with dark brown eyes and stubble picked up my room card and we’ve been inseparable since. I’ve even met his kids and it’s all going rather swimmingly.
I point my camera at Naomi. She stops pouting for three seconds while I take a photo. Naomi has the type of face where she could be running from a swarm of bees and still look photogenic.
‘Five days of sun, sea and all the cocktails your liver will allow,’ I tell her. ‘Five days of sleeping as long as you like. Five days where you don’t have to be a stressed-out mum.’
‘It doesn’t work like that,’ she informs me. ‘My children still exist and they will call me continuously to remind me of this fact.’
‘Fair point.’
She follows me to the pool bar.
‘Philip will be miserable while I’m gone,’ she says, her flip-flops slapping against the pool deck. ‘His mother is coming to help with the kids. She’ll be trying to feed them turkey dinosaurs and chocolate cereal. She’s also terrified of chickens.’
‘He’ll handle it. I know you’ve never spent a week away from them but everyone will manage,’ I assure her. ‘Philip, his mother, the kids, the dogs, the chickens, even those foxes you feed discount meat to – ’
‘Bill and Hilary.’
‘ – will be absolutely fine.’
There’s a small part of me that understands how she feels. Even though I know the owner of Woofy Kennels will take excellent care of Pasha, it still pains me to leave him.
‘I understand the concept of getting married in the place you fell in love but did it have to be Italy?’ she asks. ‘Somewhere like the KFC in Whitby is far more geographically convenient for me . . . but I guess it makes sense. You fall in love in Italy, you get married in Italy.’
‘Exactly,’ I say. ‘And who doesn’t love a good wedding? . . . Margarita?’
‘You ready to go?’ Naomi asks, fiddling with the hem of my dress. My cabin looks like a bomb has gone off. Clothes, make-up, toiletries strewn everywhere.
‘Yep,’ I reply. ‘Naomi, you’re going to rip it if you’re not careful.’
‘Sorry,’ she replies, still fussing. ‘Weddings are stressful and it was sitting all skew-whiff. You’ll be glad it’s only a civil ceremony, otherwise we’d all be tripping over each other in traditional stuffy gowns.’
I nod, admiring my newly straightened hem in the mirror. ‘Simple is better, right? Mum thinks so too.’
‘You seem nervous,’ she says, nudging me out of the way to admire her own half-braided updo.
‘I am a little,’ I reply. ‘I’m happy, of course . . . I just keep thinking about my dad, you know. If he was here and—’
‘If he was here, it would be weird because he’s dead.’
As inappropriate as it is, I can’t help but laugh.
‘This is a good thing,’ she softly assures me. ‘A happy occasion. Remember that. OK. We’re done. Is your mum good to go?’
‘She’s on her way.’
‘OK then.’ Naomi grabs her bag. ‘See you in the Chill Lounge!’
One last look in the mirror and I head out to meet Mum.
Once the place of disastrous singles’ mixers, I find myself back at the Chill Lounge.
Everyone is here. Mum’s sister Jean has come over from Spain with my cousin Ali, Paul’s younger brother Alexander and his wife, Bridgette, Mum’s closest friend, as well as some others I haven’t been properly introduced to yet.
They’ve placed white-linen-covered chairs on each side of the room, leaving a small aisle in between. I spot Ellis in his uniform. Goddammit, he looks handsome. I feel very lucky.
I take Mum’s arm and we begin to walk. Ten short steps later we reach the end of the aisle. I turn to Mum and hug her.
‘You make a beautiful bride, Mum,’ I say. ‘Love you.’
I move to the side while she stands facing Paul, who looks just as elated as she does. It’s perfect.
‘Family and friends. Thank you all for being here today to unite Pamela and Paul in marriage.’
On deck four, a section of the ship has been reserved for Mum’s wedding celebration. Balloons, flowers, our own dedicated bar, a buffet laid on for when the munchies hit and even a DJ. I’m impressed. Ellis, in full uniform, finally makes an appearance half an hour in. I sneak up behind him.
‘Excuse me, I’m looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? Tall, good-looking, sails ships.’
Ellis swoops in for a hug. ‘Hey, babe. I can’t stay too long, I need to be back at the bridge soon, but from the looks of things, it seems everything went well.’
‘It did,’ I reply as we grab some champagne. It’s mainly for me as Ellis isn’t allowed to be drunk and run the ship into an iceberg. ‘Really lovely ceremony.’
‘I’m pleased for them,’ he says, watching them dance. ‘They’re good people.’
‘Think you’d ever get married on a ship?’ I ask Ellis, as Naomi steals Paul from my mum. She’s already got her shoes off.
‘Why would I get married at my job?’ Ellis asks.
‘Well, you went on a holiday to your job.’
He smirks. ‘True, but I wasn’t in a good place . . . Anyway, I can think of a million other places I’d rather do it.’
Mum is now dancing with a short woman who isn’t even part of the wedding party.
‘Cruise ship weddings aren’t as common as engagements,’ Ellis informs me. ‘The cruise we took – eleven engagements in that one week.’
I giggle. ‘God, can you imagine proposing at sea and getting knocked back? You’d throw yourself overboard.’
‘It would be awkward as hell,’ he agrees. ‘But maybe if you were certain the other person would say yes . . .’
‘Then to some people that might be kind of romantic, I guess.’
He spins me around and I don’t lose my balance as I’m a tango expert now.
‘Oh God, my mum’s drunk and staring at us,’ I say, trying to avoid direct eye contact. Her white dress is starting to look a little manky. Ellis spins me the other way, bringing her into his line of sight. ‘Ah, yeah. So she is.’
‘Be prepared to be snatched away,’ I tell him. ‘She’ll be ready to pounce.’
‘I’m pretty sure that’s not why she’s staring,’ Ellis replies.
‘No? Oh God, have I sat on something?’
The song comes to an end and I hear Mum yell, ‘Did you ask her then?’
‘Is she shouting at us?’
Ellis reaches into his pocket and retrieves a small black box. He opens it to reveal what I think is a ring but right now my brain is too overwhelmed to be sure.
‘Sophie Smalls, will you marry me?’
I look again. It is a ring. It’s definitely a ring.
‘Excuse me?’ I glance over at Mum who has her fists clenched, visibly holding her breath. Naomi is also grinning like a lunatic. They knew this was going to happen. Oh God, he’s going down on one knee in his white trousers.
‘I love you,’ Ellis says. ‘Both romantically and in infinitely dirty ways I couldn’t possibly say out loud in front of all of these people.’
I hear Naomi whoop amongst the giggles from those who have gathered around. Where the hell did they all come from?
‘Will you marry me?’ he asks again.
I’m dumbfounded. I open my mouth to speak but my face has gone numb.
Don’t have a stroke, Smalls, I tell myself. Just breathe.
He starts to look uncomfortable. ‘Sophie . . . am I going to have to ask them to get the lifebuoys ready?’
My brain decides to function again. ‘Yes!’
‘To which question? The marriage thing or the lifebuoys?’
‘The marriage! I will marry you!’
Mum is the first to cheer as he kisses me and I kiss him back as hard as I can. We finally stop when I hear Mum’s cheering flow directly into my ears.
‘Congratulations!’ she squeals. ‘This is wonderful! I’m so happy for you both!’
‘Are you sure?’ I ask. ‘I mean, it’s your day. I didn’t—’
‘Are you crazy?’ she replies. ‘There is no thunder to be stolen. Seeing my girl getting engaged. Best wedding gift ever!’
Ellis hugs everyone, including Naomi. Twice. It’s all so surreal. Before long, he pulls me aside.
‘I’m sorry to piss all over this, but I have to get back to work.’
I laugh. ‘Forgot you were working . . . Who the hell gets engaged at their job?’
We kiss again. Because we’re engaged now and that’s what engaged people do.
‘You sure about this?’ he asks. ‘I know it was a lot, with everyone here and—’
‘Absolutely sure,’ I confirm, wiping my mum’s lipstick from his cheek. ‘I’ve never been surer.’
I watch him leave, stopping every few seconds to be congratulated by staff who have also decided to gatecrash Mum’s wedding. Christ, is everyone from the ship here?
‘Well done, Smalls!’ Naomi throws herself on me. ‘Thank God you said yes and I didn’t come on this cruise for nothing.’
‘Um . . . Mum’s wedding?’
‘Oh yeah. Forgot about that.’
She hands me a glass of champagne. ‘Here’s to you, Sophie, and here’s to Charlie Fox. Technically his engagement led to your own.’
‘Weird way to look at it,’ I reply. ‘But I see where you’re going with this.’
‘One thing, though,’ she adds as we clink champagne flutes. ‘If you decide to get married on a cruise, you can count me out.’
‘What about The Love Boat?’
I laugh as she seriously considers this as a possibility.
She’s right, though. If I hadn’t seen Charlie’s Instagram post, I wouldn’t have read Alex’s article and I wouldn’t be right here where I’m supposed to be. All of those yeses finally led to the only one that mattered.