Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
SAM
The rain pounds against the windows. Lightning cracks along the sky, illuminating the mountains in the distance. Sitting in my oversized leather chair, I sip on my bourbon.
Joey is still sound asleep, her soft body curled around the pillow. Her back is to me, bare from the sheet sliding down.
It’s late. Well after midnight. After another two rounds, the two of us crashed. My body is used and tired in the best way.
I never thought that I would get her all to myself tonight. Hell, even well into tomorrow. I hate that we only get stolen moments together.
It makes me wish we could have more. Have nights like this all the time. Wrapped up in one another with no deadline.
“Hey.”
Her voice is scratchy and coated with sleep when I turn to face her.
“Hey, darlin’.”
Sitting up, she grabs the blanket on the end of the bed and wraps it around herself before coming over and taking a seat on my lap.
“How long have you been awake?”
I press a kiss to her jaw. “Not long. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You seem to be thinking awfully hard over here.” She brushes her fingers over my forehead.
“Just enjoying the night.”
“You sure?” she asks. A look of concern washes over her face.
“I’m sure.” This time, I kiss her on the lips. It’s soft and tender. Nothing like the kisses we shared earlier, but no less intense.
Her forehead drops to mine, breath ghosting over my lips.
“You know, you can tell me anything. I don’t scare easy.”
“Is that so?” I smirk at her. “What happened to bugs?”
“That’s just mean.”
“Tell me something else then.”
“What do you want to know?” she asks.
“Whatever happened to Max’s dad?” I drag a finger along her calf.
Joey grabs my drink and finishes it before setting the glass on the small table next to the chair.
“It was some guy I dated a few times in college. I tried to make things work with him for Max’s sake after I found out I was pregnant, but he didn’t want anything to do with him.
He was more interested in chasing ass than a toddler. ”
“I’m sorry. Some days, it feels like all we can do is our best.”
“I guess it was for the best that it happened now when Max didn’t really know him, but I wish he had a dad.”
“He still has your brother and dad. It’s not like he doesn’t have people who care about him.”
“I know, but it feels different somehow.”
“I get it,” I say. Because I do. “I wasn’t always the best father to Lennox. Not only did she lose her mother, but she lost me in a way.”
“Didn’t you say we’re all doing the best we can? I couldn’t imagine what you were going through—grieving and trying to raise your daughter.”
It’s something I never talk about. Not with anyone. They were dark days. But there is something about Joey that makes it easy to open up.
“I feel like I failed her. It was hard to talk to anyone about Casie.”
“Tell me then. If you want. About your wife.”
“You really want me to?” I ask.
“Yes. She was a part of your life. There’s no need to pretend she wasn’t.”
I wish I had another drink. It might make this a bit easier to start. I’ve never been the relationship type. It was easier to lock my heart up and throw away the key after Casie died. But being here with Joey right now makes it easy to tear down the walls I built to protect myself.
“She had the best laugh. I loved hearing it. No matter what was going on, she could always make me smile with it.”
Joey’s knuckles brush over my bare chest. I realize how touch starved I am as Joey’s hands trail a path up and down my chest. How little I’ve opened myself up to others over the years.
The softness of her fingers makes it easy to keep talking.
“She was also born to be a mother. Kind of like you. The two of you are naturals.”
“I hope Max thinks so.” Worry lines twist her forehead. “I always worry if I’m doing enough for him. Hell, I’m still saving to fix my junker of a car. It’s not like I can give him much.”
“I can safely say kids don’t need that much aside from a parent who loves them and shows up. It took me a while to show up again for Lennox.”
“But you’re doing it now. That counts. You could have let her go, but you didn’t.”
“I’m glad she didn’t let me go.”
“You’re a hard guy to let go.”
“Oh, yeah?” I brush my fingers over her cheek.
The blanket slips down when she cups my jaw. Her own hands are soft as she traces every feature on my face. My eyes shut, memorizing her touch. It’s like it’s soothing every broken part of me. The parts that shut me off to love all those years ago.
“You have a big heart, Sam. You’re kind and you put others first. You make me feel seen when not many people do.”
“Joey.” I thread my fingers through her hair and pull her close. My lips ghost over hers. “I see you. Every part of you.”
“Even though my life is messy?”
“Even the messy parts. You’re so damn magnetic, that you’re impossible to ignore, darlin’.”
“Messy, magnetic, and impossible to ignore. Should that be my catch phrase?”
I kiss her. Slow and tender, I pour everything I’m feeling for her into this kiss. “As long as I’m the only one you’re drawing in.”
She gives me a gentle smile. “Yeah, Sam. You’re the only one I want.”
“Good. You might have caught me off guard, Joey, but you’re the only one I want too.”
I show her that when I carry her back to bed and slowly slide back into her. It’s gentle and so damn sweet that when we come together, a realization hits me.
I’m so far gone for Joey that I don’t know how this will end in anything but heartbreak.
I’m fucking screwed.