Chapter 15
Olive
What am I doing here? I’m asking myself as I take a seat in the empty classroom where the first planning meeting for the school centenary newspaper is taking place.
I don’t belong here—but, then, I thought the same thing six months ago when, very much against my will, I took up Mr. Acevedo’s suggestion of helping out with costumes and makeup for the theater club.
In the end, that led to me making up with Tori and genuinely enjoying myself during the rehearsals.
I’m not so sure that will work out this time, but maybe that’s because the average age is considerably lower on the newspaper team.
The younger kids are eyeing me almost with awe, which is irritating because it reminds me that I belong in the upper sixth, where I ought to be working way too hard on my A levels to have time for the school paper.
But it is what it is, and to be honest, I’m impressed by the businesslike way Theresa and her friends are approaching the editorial meeting.
They genuinely have thought of everything, and at the end of the session, they even hand me a camera they’ve borrowed from the tech club.
Straight after study hour, which follows the meeting, I head out to the rugby pitch.
Most teams have training now, including the swimmers.
I hang around by the running track for a while, where I spot Emma and Grace among the athletics team, while Gideon and Henry are with the rugby lads on the pitch in the center.
I can hear Mr. Cormack from miles off, the stands are empty, the floodlights on, and in the distance, the sun is setting.
The whole thing makes me weirdly emotional as I stand on the edge, watching them all.
My fellow pupils moving, chatting, cheering each other on.
Their yells and laughter fill the cool evening air, and the thought that I’m no longer part of all this is painful.
But I’m not going to sink back into self-pity.
So I do what I came here to do—watch the teams and make a note of people to interview for the profiles.
In the end, I even venture into the swimming center.
The air is warm and heavy with moisture.
It settles on my skin and my hair as I slip off my socks and shoes at the doorway and walk barefoot over the tiles.
There’s the biting smell of chlorine, which I’ve missed.
Being in here fully dressed reminds me yet again that my time as an active member of the team is over.
The younger kids are in the shallow end, practicing their technique, while my team are, as ever, doing lengths of the main pool.
Euphoria rises within me as I see Ms. Cox and Luke walking up and down the edge, urging on Ana, Imogen, and everybody.
Luke glances up and a smile spreads over his face as he spots me.
“Olive!” He walks over. “How cool that you’re here.”
“Yeah.” I wave my camera and notebook at him, slightly uncertainly. “I’m here for the school paper. I’m on the lookout for people to feature in the sports section for the centenary special.”
“You’re the new sports reporter?”
I smile despondently. “Well, I’ve got to do something.”
“How’s your arm?” Luke asks, and I wish he didn’t sound so earnest.
“It’s getting better, I think.”
“So will you be back any time soon?”
I swallow, then shrug. “I’m afraid not, not after the skin graft. I’m not allowed in the water properly for ages.”
“Man, that’s so pants. The team keeps losing without you.”
Aye, Luke. I find it so pants too, believe me. But I don’t want to come over bitter and crabby to my old teammate, so I force myself to smile. “You’ll just have to work harder, then.”
“You heard it, Luke,” says Ms. Cox, who joined us without me noticing. She smiles as I turn to her. “Olive’s dead right. Off to the starting block with you now.” She waits till he’s gone before she looks back at me. “How are you, Olive?”
“I’m getting there.” My standard answer, which is sometimes true and sometimes less so.
“It’s nice to see you here,” she replies.
I know what she means, because before my accident, I did regular lifeguarding duty during the times that the pool was open to all pupils at the school.
When I got back this term, I signed up for library duty instead in the hope of bumping into as few people as possible I know from swimming. And I’m sure Ms. Cox can guess that.
“Yeah, I never really got the chance before,” I say evasively. She doesn’t need to know that I’ve been here by night. “I’ve missed it,” I say in the end, and that’s the truth.
Ms. Cox smiles. “Well, that’s handy. I wanted to ask you if you could see your way to helping me out a bit with the coaching.”
“Me?”
“You know the team better than anyone, Olive. Two pairs of eyes see more than one when it comes to keeping the squad in check and pointing out sloppy technique.”
I hesitate. “Wouldn’t that be weird? I mean, I used to be on the team with them. Why would they let me boss them around?”
“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you, Olive. You’re highly respected on my squad.”
Present tense. She says it like it’s still true, and for a moment, it’s hard to find the words.
“Just think it over. There’s no rush, not if you’re busy with the newspaper for the time being. We won’t swim away from you, don’t worry.”
I had no idea how much I needed to hear those words. And I nod, almost on autopilot, and say, “That would be great.”
“Wonderful, Olive.” Ms. Cox smiles. “Do you have fifteen minutes? I’ll get everyone together at the end so you can fill them in on your request. I heard what you were saying to Luke about the school paper.”
I nod and sit on the edge of the little bank of seats.
It still hurts to watch the others swim.
I would love to regain the weightlessness I feel in the water.
But for the first time in weeks, I can think about it without raging.
I wait for the end of the session, explain my plans for the special edition of the school newspaper, and arrange to interview Ana, Josephine, and Marc in the next few days. Then I make my way back outside.
It’s almost dark now, and the rugby team have finished their training too.
It’s only the athletics squad still doing tempo runs.
Henry gives me a wave, so I walk over to him and we watch Emma, Grace, and two other girls get into position on the starting blocks.
The whistle goes and they sprint away. Emma and Grace immediately take the lead and race it out, head-to-head.
Henry and Gideon are staring at them, at least as fascinated as me.
Grace crosses the line a split second ahead of Emma, and I join in with Henry and Gideon as they clap and whoop.
Emma looks over and laughs breathlessly as she slows to a jog.
Grace has already stopped and jammed her arms against her knees.
Then she straightens. Emma comes over and raises her hand to high five, but Grace doesn’t respond.
My blood runs cold as she staggers back a step and Emma grabs for her.
Grace’s legs look like matchsticks that buckle beneath her as she collapses to the ground.
For a moment, I’m frozen. Then I start to run.
So do Henry and Gideon, who reach her and Emma ahead of me.
Every stride jars directly up into my shoulder, but I try to ignore the pain. Ms. Ventura, the athletics coach, is with Grace now too, and Mr. Cormack is jogging over from some distance away.
The first thing I hear when I finally reach them is Gideon’s voice: “No, you can bloody well sit down here for a bit.”
His face is as white as Grace’s, and although he sounds astonishingly calm, I see the panic in his eyes.
“I just felt sick,” Grace gasps. “God, stop making such a fuss . . .” She’s clearly hating the attention, and I can feel the relief as she starts to complain.
Emma looks startled. Henry pulls her away slightly and gently strokes her shoulders as I approach.
“All the same, I would prefer it if you let Nurse Petra check you over, Grace,” Ms. Ventura says.
“There’s really no need. I just didn’t drink enough,” Grace assures her. It’s plausible, but I can hear the suppressed tremor in her voice.
It reminds me of Colin, and at the thought, I reach into my trouser pocket. “Here.” I hold the bag of tablet out to Grace.
Her eyes dart to the packet, but she doesn’t budge, so Gideon reaches for it.
“No, I—”
He cuts her off: “Yes. Grace, I mean it, this is important.”
Grace looks at Gideon, a warning glittering in her eyes. “I’m OK now.” She shakes off his hand and gets to her knees. “Come on, guys, chill out.”
Gideon opens his mouth, but Ms. Ventura gets in first. “Grace, I want you to go to the sick bay.”
She sighs. “Fine.”
“Olive will go with you, won’t you?” Ms. Ventura glances at me.
I nod.
“You don’t have to,” Grace whispers as we cross the pitch to pick up her stuff from the stand.
I stop. “Yes, I do, Grace. What just happened isn’t funny.”
She turns away and lapses into a stubborn silence.
“Have you eaten anything at all today?” I ask.
Grace groans. “Why does that matter to you?”
“Because it does matter.”
“It’s nobody’s business but mine.”
“Grace,” I say. “Stop it. Seriously. I can see what you’re doing, and it scares the shit out of me because you’re just fading away.”
Now she looks me full in the face for the first time. “Olive, I’ve got it under control,” she says, emphasizing every word. “Stop turning this into such a big deal.”
Talk to Ms. Vail. Get some help. That’s what I want to say to her, but I have to admit it would be kind of absurd for me of all people to give her that piece of advice.
So I don’t say anything as Gideon comes over to us. He ran on ahead of the others and now hands Grace her tracksuit jacket. Their eyes battle it out in silence, then she puts it on. Gideon has slung his sports bag over his shoulder, and as Grace reaches for hers, he moves it away.
“Everything OK?” he asks, and while his voice sounds hard, I can see the worry in his eyes. Grace’s face softens as he puts his hand on her back. She nods, and he gives her a nudge. “Come on then, let’s get you to the sick bay. I’ll take it from here, Olive.”
“Gideon, I—”
“Stop arguing, Grace. Unless you want me to call your parents.”
She falls silent, and Gideon looks triumphantly at me. I fall back, joining Emma and Henry on the way to school.
“I’m worried about Grace,” Emma says as Grace and Gideon turn off toward the sick bay and the rest of us continue to the east wing.
“Me too.” Henry’s voice is flat.
“Maybe it’s just a phase,” Emma says, not very convincingly. “Did she talk to you, Olive?”
“No.” I sigh. “I hope she will to Gideon.”
“He gives me the impression that she does,” Henry says. It’s obvious that he blames himself for Grace still seeming to be doing badly so long after they split up.
“Henry, hang on a mo,” I say, once we reach the third floor. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He turns to me. “What’s up?”
“Do you think you could help me with some work?”
Henry raises his eyebrows in surprise. “What subject?”
“Maths,” I say.
“What are you doing at the moment?”
I hesitate. “I was thinking more about the upper-sixth stuff.”
“Why do you want to do that now?”
“So that I’m up to date when I get back up to you lot. It’s nearly my birthday.”
Henry’s face softens. “Olive . . .”
“No, stop it,” I say at once. “I’ve started to have a look at what you’re doing. But I can’t do it on my own. Will you help me?”
It’s mean of me to ask Henry. I know he’s too conscientious to say no. He nods with a sigh.
“Thanks, Henry,” I say.
“Just for the record, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put yourself under this much pressure.”
“It’ll get easier once I move back up.”
Henry gives me a long stare. “I know, Olive.”