Five Months Later #2
“It kind of just happened,” she says. “Henry suddenly turned up on our doorstep, for the first time in ages. He said he couldn’t stand by and watch what was going on any longer and he offered to make an appointment with Ms. Vail for me, to get in touch with clinics, and to get Gideon on board if I didn’t want to go to things alone.
I was raging at first, with him interfering like that, but then .
. . we both cried, and he helped me write some emails and phone people. And you know how persuasive he can be.”
I also know that Henry Bennington wouldn’t stick his nose into other people’s business lightly. Just like I know that he never wanted to hurt Grace and that he still loves her even though his heart belongs to Emma now. And what he’s done for Grace proves that it’s in the right place.
“So what’s the thinking on all this?” I ask cautiously.
Grace tries to smile but fails miserably. “I think I’m scared,” she says in the end. “But it’s probably the right thing.”
When I hug her, I can’t help but agree—I feel her bony shoulders under my hands, despite all the clothing.
“You’re so important to me, Gracie,” I whisper, and I hear the muffled sob that escapes her.
“To all of us. And my wish for you is that you’ll matter enough to yourself to be able to stop this. ”
I know perfectly well that it’s not as easy as all that, but this is a first step in the right direction after so many months when I’ve been—to put it mildly—at my wit’s end with Grace.
Growing up is painful in so many ways, and realizing that you can’t save people is hard.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last few years, it’s that Grace has the strength to save herself.
And we’ll be there to support her if she wants us to.
“Hey!” We whirl around as we hear Gideon’s voice calling us from the sports ground. He’s wearing a grass-stained cricket jumper and a beaming smile that’s all for her. “We won!”
“Of course you did.” Grace squeals in surprise as he puts his arms around her and lifts her off her feet. “I said you would from the start.”
Once I’ve congratulated Gideon on the victory, I follow them back and find Colin in the stands with Kit and Will as the whole school cheers the cricket team.
Colin immediately twigs that something’s wrong, so I whisper to him some of what Grace told me.
I’m glad she’s finally ready to get help, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’ll soon be gone, like the rest of my friends.
However much that hurts, I feel sure it’ll be good for Grace to get a fresh start in a new place. Or I hope it will.
After dinner, the others suggest ditching the party and cycling to the beach.
I look around for Dad. He’s here with Nathalie, and I’m OK with that.
They asked me if I’d mind. And I didn’t, because I have to admit that Nathalie’s pretty nice.
We’ve met a few times since our first dinner together back in the winter.
She makes my dad happy, that’s obvious, even now as she stands beside him in a little group of staff, chatting with Mrs. Sinclair.
Mum didn’t come, and that’s OK too. She and Alexis moved in together to a flat in Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t been there yet, but I think I’ll be up to it soon. I met him over a meal in the new year, and I was surprised by how much I liked him.
“Are you OK?” Colin asks as we slip away with the others and walk through the arcades. We’d already changed out of our uniform into more comfortable clothes after the official celebrations were over.
“Yes,” I say. And it’s true, even though today also showed me that everything’s changed—or is about to change. “Are you?”
He smiles. “I’m in love with you, Olive.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Don’t you think?”
“No.”
“Shame.” He grins and presses a kiss on my nose, then pulls me on.
Not so long ago, I’d never have believed it.
That Colin Fantino would be walking cheerily through the school with me and my pals.
But I wouldn’t have believed a lot of things.
That I could have forgiven him for keeping such a major secret from me, even though I now get why he did that.
I’m relieved that the trial in New York really did clear his name.
You could see what a weight it was off Colin’s shoulders not to be to blame for the accident.
There’s still nobody to blame for the fire at Dunbridge either, but I’ve learned I don’t need that to heal. I only need myself. And Colin.
He’s with me as we reach the sea in the last of the evening light, and he’s with me when it starts to rain.
Tori shrieks as she runs over the sand and Sinclair puts his arms around her from behind.
He picks her up and whirls around, spinning 180 with her, which is kind of cute.
Colin would never do such a thing. Or so I thought when he started here as such an incredible arsehole.
He’s not that guy anymore. He’s broken down his protective walls.
Now he’s soft and vulnerable but still the strongest person I’ve ever met.
I can’t stop watching him, and I don’t have to.
I’m still watching him when we gather wood for a little fire in the sand, once the shower has stopped.
“Promise me you’ll be back,” I say as the wood crackles and we sit around the fire. I can do this. I can feel the warmth of the flames and I don’t want to run away. I’m here. This is OK. “At least to visit.”
“Of course we’ll be back,” Tori says. Sinclair nods in agreement.
“Dunbridge Academy will always be home,” Henry whispers. I can hear in his voice how hard he’ll find it to leave this place soon. But I know he’ll be back. I’m more certain of him than anyone else. And he’ll be the best bloody teacher this place ever had.
“I never imagined that I’d experience anything like this with you all,” Emma says thoughtfully. I feel for Colin’s hand as Henry pulls Emma close.
And I’d never have thought we’d be sitting in this combination. Just now, it feels like the only possible outcome of everything this school year has thrown at us. Nothing was the way I expected, and I guess that’s life, but it doesn’t scare me anymore.
Sinclair throws more wood on the fire; I watch the sparks dancing up into the dark sky and feel Colin’s eyes on me. He nods inquiringly at me as I look at him. And I smile, then rest my head on his shoulder.
It’s one of the first mild nights of the year, and I’m looking forward to these last days of term with him and my friends. But I’m looking forward to the autumn too. To next year. To the upper sixth, to everything that comes after that.
There’s something inside me again; I can feel it.
A spark that went out all those months ago.
I’m me again, even though the old Olive doesn’t exist anymore.
I like the new version, maybe even more, because she can be both strong and weak at the same time.
That isn’t a contradiction in terms anymore: it’s something urgent and necessary.
Colin taught me that with every day he challenged me and drove me mad, before he was there to hold me together when I was convinced everything was breaking apart.
With every day, all the time. And every time I look at him, I know it. I’ve come home.