Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
That night, my pristine Justins crunch against the grass as I cross the field with Mia and Kit, humming “First Time in Forever.” I don’t know if I’m nervous or hungry, but I’m somewhere in that zone!
I haven’t seen Austin much since last night, so I’m not sure what to expect from him.
He may never look at me the same way. No use trying to guess until we get to the parking lot. Quick, something else to think about.
“You guys vote yet for the next hangman letters?” I half yell.
“What’s all this about hangman?” Kit asks.
“See the poster boards in the windows at Turner Hall yesterday?”
“Yeah.”
“They’re blanks for a campus-wide hangman game. If you texted the number on those for-sale signs, you got an Insta handle back. That account posts the rules and drops a comment for every letter.”
“So you vote by liking the comments?”
“Exactly. The girl running it picks the top two. If they’re right, the letters show up on the posters. If not, the hangman gets another limb. If you can’t tell, I’m fully invested.”
“Count me in,” Kit says. “Send me the handle.”
“Brilliant to involve everyone like that,” Mia says. “I wonder what the angle is.”
Kit nods. “You said it’s a girl?”
“Oh, no,” I say. “Just a girl in my head.”
“Probably a self-aggrandizing floor,” Mia says.
“Not a bad guess,” Kit says.
“Hey.” I tap her arm. “Did you leave early from lunch yesterday? Test Dr. Shannon on her theory?”
“Yes.” She gnaws on her lip.
“Aaaand?”
She glances toward Levi’s Range Rover. “He jumped up and walked me to class, happy as ever.”
“Checks out.”
“So … the exact opposite of what Dr. Shannon predicted.” Kit looks to Mia. “My counselor doesn’t like Levi.”
“About time that happens,” Mia says.
We snap to her.
“I’m joking. ’Cause everyone likes him. What?”
“You mean, besides Mateo,” Kit says.
“Eh, he barely likes anyone.”
“Isn’t it super concerning that my counselor doesn’t like my boyfriend? I’m literally paying for her advice.”
“Are you though?” I say. “You’re paying her for advice about PTSD. How’s that going, by the way?”
“That part is so helpful. Now I have strategies in place that have already been game changing. And Dr. Shannon and I get along well. She’s just been venturing off into other areas of my life. Way past the one event and its consequences.”
“I never look back, darling,” I quote. “It distracts from the now.”
But my Incredibles distraction flops.
“Sorta the MO of a therapist, no?” Mia says.
I straighten my skirt and move my hair behind my shoulders. Almost there.
“I wouldn’t know,” Kit says. “Everyone acts like counseling is exactly what a person needs to live a good life, but …” As if she caught herself, Kit looks to Mia to save her.
“What?” I press, too sharply.
“I’m not … I’m just saying that if you have a thing you need to work through, then yeah, but then once that’s getting better … She just goes on and on about me and what I need and what I deserve, and it just feels kind of … self-centered?”
Chest tightening, I raise my eyes to heaven. But that reminds me—I should pray.
Her mom literally whispered kind things in her ear every night as she went to bed. Of course she doesn’t need to be told what’s normal and what isn’t. My hands clench into fists. How dare she.
But also … She doesn’t get me, which means I probably don’t get her either. And Haymitch was right that I should work on things with her.
Help me do that?
I don’t know what to say that’s friendship promoting, so I do the next best thing—clamp my big mouth shut.
“Say more about that,” Mia says unhelpfully.
“Um? Well, Dr. Shannon is so defensive of me, and that’s nice, but I don’t think demanding respect from everyone and everything sounds like what I should be doing.”
“You are too agreeable,” Mia says.
“Right. And I’ve been trying to pay attention to my motivations.
But Jesus wasn’t prancing around demanding things.
He served humbly and selflessly. I just think the time with my counselor is sort of unproductive now because not everything is about me.
Like, when I ask my mom about something, she wants to know what the other people need and say.
She makes me see their perspective. It’s really annoying at the time, but it’s what I need. ”
See? Her perfect little mom and her perfect little life.
Except, I know better. Her life hasn’t been perfect at all the last year.
“Might be onto something with that,” Mia says. “I’m sure not every counselor has that bent though.”
Kit peers over at me, but the best I can do is pretend not to notice.
Besides, that’s not my focus right now. The guys are joking about something by the Rover. I can see the back of Austin’s head. Looks like he got a haircut.
“Sorry, Sophs, I shouldn’t criticize something that’s helped you. I only have a few weeks of data, and—”
I wave it away. No awkwardness allowed tonight. “Let’s just have fun.”
Austin’s sleeves are rolled down and buttoned—his version of fancy. Pearl buttons. Bootcut Wranglers. Those beloved cowboy boots he only wears for special occasions. He takes such good care of them that they may as well be a live animal instead of a dead one.
I give Austin’s arm a push from behind. “Oh good, you found a plaid button-up. I was worried.”
He spins around. “Hey, y’all.” His eyes drop to the cowboy boots below my skirt. My eyes, on the other hand, are firmly on his hair. Oh, heyyy.
“Austin, your haircut is fire,” Mia says. “Good change.”
“’Preciate that,” he says.
I turn to Kit, holding in the schoolgirl giggle about to escape and accidentally puff out my cheeks, all chipmunk. She pops them like we’re kids, and we both dissolve into immaturity. He always looks incredible, but this hair thing is doing me in.
Austin shoots Levi a look, eyebrows doing the talking. Levi answers with a smug little nope of a smile—whatever that means in bromance language. Then they both turn for the car like the conversation never happened.
Stepping beside me, Mia kicks my butt from behind. “Vámonos.”
I return the favor. “I sent you a country playlist, Levi.”
“A Sophie playlist. I have high expectations.”
Levi’s a sweetie.
Up front, Haymitch feels his way to the front passenger door.
Oddly, it’s the seat we all avoid. Kit still won’t sit there because of her car issues, and Mia and I don’t need to chat with Levi the whole way while Kit stares at us.
Mia and Kit crawl into the back, leaving the seat next to Austin for me. I could kiss them for that.
He glances over as I buckle in. “Hey, you.” There’s still a lilt in the “you” from being home. “Excited?”
My jaw stills. I get another chance. He’s not holding last night over my head. How? I instinctively touch his arm.
He’s so forgiving, so fun, so adventurous. I’m his biggest fan on a normal day, so on a thrilling day like today, I have to work hard to cool it.
“Completely. Thanks to you.” Yeah. Cool as a furnace. “How do you know the owner?”
“He goes to my church. The place is called Mabel’s Dance Hall after his mom, who opened it.”
“Aww.”
He smirks. “Wanna tell me I’m a genius again?”
“Nope.” Almost worth it to see his beaming smile.
“I’ll be around if you change your mind.” As he buckles, I have a split second to fully take him in. Those magnificent plaid-wrapped shoulders.
“You look really good, Soph,” he says, voice low and rough.
My greedy eyes flick to his face. My heart hammers. “Thanks …” What was that? He never talks about how I look.
But he jerks toward the back. “Hey, Kit.”
If he compliments her too, I might actually shed a tear.
“Ground rules on dancing? You gonna stick with Levi or …”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll risk it. Sophie will be way more fun to dance with anyway.”
I take back every negative thought I ever had about you, Kit.
“Yeah? You up for a dance or two with me?” he asks me. As if it hadn’t occurred to him.
I study his face. Still no judgment. Just normal Austin.
“I might be convincible,” I say.
He breaks into a sly grin. “Okay.”
“Oh-kay!” Mia says too loudly. “Sophs, you have some line dances ready? I’m amped.”
“You’re gonna slay, Mia. And you know I’m on it. Kit and I added the Step Up line dance to our repertoire today.”
It’s true. After lunch we made use of her dance studio and actually had the best time.
Kit’s years as a dancer made her weirdly good at memorizing steps in order.
She picked them all up in thirty seconds flat.
Also, she loves Step Up and will actually watch it again now that she and Levi are finally together.
“Ah-ah, ah-ah,” I start.
Right on cue, Mia rolls her shoulders to the imaginary beat.
“Levi, turn the music down for a minute,” Kit calls, and then joins in so I can do the next part. She starts a miniature version of the steps right there in her seat.
Austin watches us, amused.
I suck in some air for the long “yeah,” “ohs,” and “nos” that start the song.
Mia lifts her hands, fully invested, and belts the ridiculous high note from the movie: “O-on the weekend!”
And just like that, we’re laughing too hard to finish the song.