Chapter 70
CHAPTER SEVENTY
Austin Scott, in the flesh. Singing to me, staring at me, talking to me … pleading with me. But it’s one sentence playing on repeat in my head. The one that reframes everything else—I tried so hard to give you space to move on.
It’s so Austin it hurts. He was too Austin to function.
Everything clicks. The absolute avoidance. The grief in his posture. How Kit and Levi were convinced his hangup wasn’t anger.
The lifetime supply of hibiscus tea Savannah thanked me for buying—I didn’t.
But Austin knew that’s what I drink when I’m sad.
The Super Tips markers I found in the lounge—they weren’t Kit’s.
But he knows those are the kind I hand-letter with.
The beanbag chair. The trail mix that appeared in our cabinet. What else was him?
Thrill. Longing. Hope. Fear. Anger. Joy. Vulnerability. A hundred emotions in one body.
What is this? What do I do? What if we try again and I’m crushed a second time?
So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?
The gift.
I thought seeing myself in a new light was a gift. And it is. But what if the gift that night really was Austin? The Us I’ve wanted back so badly.
I can’t explain it, but I just know—I can trust Austin with my heart again. Even if memories from home scream not to touch that fire twice. Words need to be said first, but Levi’s right—he’s the best guy out there.
So I hold my head high. I risk the heart we both broke. And I accept the gift.
“Okay,” Sophie says. “Yes.”
I jolt upright, like I’ve just been yanked from a nightmare.
Cheering explodes behind me.
“A second chance?” I call over the noise.
She nods.
Jerking forward, I yank her in, squeeze her close. She’s thinner now. Did she lose her appetite like I did? Has she been just as sad? My heart breaks all over again. More late-night pancakes. More fancy dinners. I’ll start picking up desserts with Levi. Cookie cake. Definitely cookie cake.
Sophie. She’s here. I breathe her in. Vanilla today.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m lifting her and spinning. A real Sophie laugh rings out. The best sound in the world. Her hands land on my shoulders, and every knot in me unravels. Then reality slams in. I shouldn’t have hugged her without asking. I set her down gently.
“Soph, I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me? Please forgive me. For failing you when you needed me. For not protecting you. For not talking to you about it. For ghosting and hiding and … decomposing for a month.”
Soft brown eyes meet mine—I suck in a sudden breath. Soothing, latte-brown. Warm when I’m cold. Cool when I’m hot. I went without them for weeks. I will never hide from them again.
She nods, tears on her cheeks. Can I wipe them away? I don’t know if it’s okay to touch her face. I don’t know if it’s okay that I spun her around. I’ve lost all right to touch her, to be close to her, to know everything about her. Do I really get to earn it back?
“I messed up first,” she says. “I betrayed your trust. Will you forgive me—”
“Yes, I forgive you,” I cut in. “Yes.”
Whiplash. Those girls fawning over Austin and then commanding me to take him back. Whiplash. Releasing him for good just minutes before twirling around in his arms. Whiplash. My friends’ looks of pity this afternoon and the fascinated, exultant glances in the rental car now.
I insisted he ride shotgun next to Mia, climbed in the backseat, yanked Kit’s willing arm with me. I’m a coward.
Her Rapunzel eyes shine, assessing me for visible insanity.
I turn to watch the mountains and snow and endless pine trees, morphing into a new perfect scene with every twist of the road. “I’m scared.”
“Keep talking?”
“I can’t be sure if we’ll be like your parents or mine.”
A soft noise. “We get no guarantees. But you can pray and obey and keep showing up. That’s the best anyone can do. And …” She flits a glance to the front. “I really think you’re in good hands.”
I let out a slow breath. God knew I’d need all of this.
Friends who forgive, not flake. To face shame and stop running—except in temptation, where running’s the power move.
To see Austin for who he is: imperfect, breakable.
Like me. Like everyone. But also profoundly good.
And stubbornly determined to obey his Creator.
You’ve been busy.
I drop my head. Humbled. Grateful.
“Go on,” Kit interrupts, pointing to the empty seat in front of me. “Talk to him.”
I shake back to the present. “Here? No way.”
“Sophs, it’s okay. Do it scared.”
“All of you are here!” I hiss. “I literally haven’t talked to him since that morning in his—”
Levi twitches in front of me.
Shoot. Quieter. Quieter!
She squeezes my hand. “Okay. We’ll find a place for you to be alone.” To Levi, “Babe.”
He twists around with the cockiest grin I’ve ever seen. “Yeah?”
“You call him babe?”
She laughs. “Are we still going to Beau Jo’s?”
“Whatever you want,” he says.
I make gagging noises.
“Yeah, right,” Kit points at me. “You’re the one getting spun around like you’re Disney on Ice.”
Levi chuckles at her. Dude’s so whipped he should come with a nutrition label.
“You two can get your own table,” Kit says. “Far away from ours.”
“No. Too much pressure.”
“Okay. Dinner at home and we’ll do Beau Jo’s later? Or pickup order?”
Bending forward, Levi reaches to receive something from the front. Austin catches my eye and sends a tentative smile. The air in the car shifts.
Levi hands me a note written on the car rental agreement in Austin’s handwriting. I unfold it slowly, like it might detonate.
go on a walk with me when we get back?
ps - i missed you so much
And he signed his name with a scraggly little heart—pure boy, pure him. So sweet my chest aches.
He’s still craning around to see my reaction. I meet his gentle gaze and nod.
Kit tap-taps my leg. “Can I read it?” She tucks her hands under her chin like a prayer.
I hand it over.
She squees with delight, and more of my armor flakes off.
But what if he leaves again?
Tears fill Kit’s eyes and turn them an otherworldly blue. “I’m taking partial credit for this,” she teases, raising an imperial brow. “I’ve been praying for you two every day since you broke up. This is my yes.”
Up front, Austin cranks up “Goldest,” and Mia’s look speaks volumes. This music is not her jam, but Austin’s too happy to shut down. Levi reaches around his seat for Kit’s hand, and their fingers lock, a wordless agreement. I feel myself nodding.
What they have is worth all the risk.