28. Theo
Theo
ROCHELLE’S APARTMENT
Friday Night
“How was it?” Rochelle asked Kira, and, on instinct, I turned and walked out of the room.
After rehearsals, I put my arm around my giddy teenage daughter, led her through the city streets, and into the subway. We had plans to meet Rochelle for a late dinner at her apartment.
Although, ‘apartment’ seemed like the wrong word to describe my sister’s home. Her Upper West Side luxury space was a few floors below the penthouse, but it was no less impressive. It had large square windows set in dove-white walls and a view of New York’s famous skyline.
Then there was the dining room, the twelve-person solid mahogany table that went unused, her cinema-sized TV plastered against one wallpapered feature wall, the modern marble-laden kitchen, and artfully tiled bathrooms.
Her home was a masterpiece.
And I took my time wandering through it, pausing every now and then to look at the artwork lining her walls, so my daughter would have a chance to talk to her aunt about… rehearsals. She wouldn’t want her father listening in on the details.
But I definitely didn’t wander far enough. I could still hear Kira gush.
“It was so good. He has, like, this bit of stubble, and I never really thought much about it before, but when he rubbed it across my chin, it kind of hurt–but in a good way? Is that why men don’t shave?
And his lips were so soft. He had gum, so his breath was okay, and I liked that we got to do it a few times because–”
“Okay, wow. Slow down.” Rochelle breathed out a laugh. “I’m glad he didn’t chew your face off, but it was just a kiss, Kira.”
I peered around the corner and watched my daughter shake her head. “I’ve kissed other guys before, and it wasn’t like this.”
“What do you mean ‘like this’?” Rochelle asked.
“I mean, like, um… like my stomach gets all light and tingly. And I feel warm all over.”
Rochelle hummed.
Kira put her hand to her chest. “It’s like I’m floating in here, like there’s some kind of–”
“–Glow. You’re glowing.” I watched Rochelle soften.
“That’s what it feels like. And like I didn’t get enough, if that makes sense?”
Rochelle laughed again, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be a part of this. I stepped back into the room, and both of them turned to face me as I said, “It makes sense.”
Kira pulled a face. “Dad, you said you wouldn’t listen.”
I lifted a shoulder and joined them on the sofa. “I know, but your aunt’s walls are paper-thin. I didn’t have a choice.”
“He’s right, though,” Rochelle added. “It does make sense. Do you know how hard it is to find someone you actually like kissing? Kissing is gross. Between bad breath and sloppy tongue–”
“Ew.”
“When you finally find someone who kisses you the way you need to be kissed?” Rochelle shook her head. “It’s rare, trust me.”
Kira tilted her chin, studying her aunt for a beat before finally saying, “Can we eat after I use the bathroom?”
The sudden change of subject made both of us laugh as Kira hopped up and skipped out of the room. I hadn’t seen her this happy in months. She was floating. Wrapped in a sea of clouds, swept up and out of reality.
“That’s what a teenage crush looks like, huh?”
Rochelle made a noise as she stared after Kira. “I think it’s more than a crush. Did you hear how she talked about that kiss?”
She nudged my shoulder.
“It’s not like she’s in love.”
“She might be.”
“Rochelle. Come on.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s what it feels like.”
“It’s not the same thing. She’s a teenager. She’s hormonal.”
She scoffed. “God, you’re hopeless. You think Kira can’t tell the difference?”
She pointed to her lap. “Hormones happen here. They’re physical.”
My shoulders tensed. I wasn’t sure I liked where Rochelle was going with this.
She moved her finger to her chest. “But love happens in here.” Then pointed to her head.
“And here. You can’t stop thinking about them, you want to be around them all the time, you start making excuses to see them.
All of that is love. And it makes you feel like–” she waved a hand at the door Kira disappeared through “–that. Like a whole new world just unlocked for you.”
“That’s not what love is like.” I gave her a look, and she shifted from exasperated to startled as I asked, “Is it?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re not asking because of Kira, are you?”
“I… shit.”
As I put my head in my hands, my sister lowered her voice. “What? What did you do?”
I spoke into my palms. “I kissed Mia.”
“You–Mia Walker? Kira’s teacher? That Mia?”
I looked up to find Rochelle staring at me, waiting. When all I could do was nod, she picked up one of her expensive decorative cushions and whacked me with it.
“Are. You. Kidding. Me?”
I took the cushion from her. “It was a one-time thing.”
She almost yelled. “A one-time thing? Are you–? I thought it was funny when it was just this cute crush you had on her, but you kissed her. This is Kira’s teacher.”
“I know,” I hissed, shushing her. “I know it was a mistake. It’s not happening again.”
She glared at me, looking so much like our mom that I had this weird sense of déjà vu. For a second, I almost thought she’d send me to my room.
“If you know that, why are you asking me about love?”
I looked away. “It felt different.”
“You mean when you kissed her?”
I nodded, then shook my head. “Yes, but maybe–” I winced. “I might have feelings for her.”
“Feelings?” Her whisper was harsh. “Do you think about her?”
I shut my eyes and let out a breath. “All the time.”
“Do you like having her around?”
“Yes.”
“Do you try to make her laugh?”
I swallowed. “Mostly, I just try not to touch her. But yeah. Her smile is… incredible.”
She groaned. “Have you been making excuses to see her?”
“I’m trying to do the opposite, but I don’t like it. I don’t want to stay away from her.”
It felt good to finally say it out loud, but then Rochelle said my name like she was about to yell at me.
“Theo, you’re in love with her,” she whispered.
“I’m not.” The two short words felt wrong on my tongue, and Rochelle could tell.
She pushed at my shoulder. “You big dope, you’re in love with her.”
I held up my hands. “Okay, fine. Look. I have feelings for her, I know that. But it doesn’t matter. Mia is Kira’s teacher. I can’t do anything about how I feel.”
“No,” Rochelle agreed. “You can’t.”
She made a frustrated noise, then said, “You do know you’re meant to be the level-headed one, right?”
“It’s not like I wanted this to happen.”
She dropped back against the sofa and grumbled, “Yeah. You and me both,” and I could tell she was talking about her ex-husband.
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened after Roger?”
Her eyes squeezed shut as she slumped deeper into the cushions. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“We don’t have to. But you said there was some trouble after your divorce, and–”
She opened her eyes and stared at me. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
When Rochelle spoke to me like that, when she looked at me like that, I knew what it meant. I held up my hands. “Then we won’t.”
“Good.” Her voice softened as she asked, “What are you going to do about Mia?”
There wasn’t much I could do. “Kira’s finally okay. I can’t do anything to screw that up.”
“Yep. The last thing that girl needs is to see you with her teacher,” Rochelle said, and I nodded because I had to.
Being in love with Mia didn’t matter if it meant hurting Kira.
But then… I couldn’t ignore that every time I saw her, it was getting harder to hold myself back.
What if, one day, I couldn’t…
Fuck.
Maybe this was a problem I just couldn’t solve.