Mia
LILLY AND SHAWN’S APARTMENT
Monday Evening
I couldn’t go home.
Everywhere I looked, I’d see Theo and what we did and what it caused, and I just… couldn’t.
Lilly and I picked up some fried rice and an order of egg rolls on the way to her place, and I blew on a spoonful of it now, my stomach churning as Shawn sat across from me, resting his elbows on the countertop between us.
“I’ll talk to Rutton,” he muttered. “Lilly shouldn’t lose her promotion over this.”
I felt like actual toe jam.
Not only could I not believe that Lilly was by my side, going through this with me, but so was Shawn. Of all people, he should hate me most. I said I’d look after her. Instead, I ruined her career.
All because I couldn’t stay away from Theo. All because I fell in love with Theo.
That was the part that killed me most. That Lilly knew, understood, and forgave. Because she knew what it felt like to do the stupidest things when you were in love.
“If getting Lilly’s promotion back means firing me, I’d be fine with that.”
Lilly ran her hand down my arm, comforting me, which was just ludicrous. I should have been comforting her.
“Mia, you didn’t do anything that Rutton could fire you for,” Lilly soothed. “It’s not illegal to fall for a student’s father.”
“Just frowned on.” I dropped my fork and put my head in my hands. “I know. I checked the handbook.”
“When?” Shawn asked. His smooth, deep voice was oddly reassuring. I couldn’t believe we didn’t get along once. Now, he was one of my favorite people.
“Months ago. Back when I was worried about this whole universe thing. It’s not a fireable offense, but I should’ve handled it better. I should’ve kept it in my pants.”
Lilly leaned into my shoulder, and I looked up. Sure enough, her big green eyes were locked on mine. “We’re going to be fine. Don’t worry.”
“Liiiilly,” I whined. She was being too good about all this. “Rutton didn’t just demote you–she made you take my program too. You don’t actually think that’s okay, do you?”
Her smile was enough to make me groan. This wasn’t the reaction I expected when shit hit the fan. I thought her chronic anxiety would turn her into a ball of pukey stress.
“You should be mad at me,” I muttered. “You should tell me to shove, I don’t know, a pool stick up my ass and twirl on it.”
She winced. Just winced. Ugh.
“You already did the hard part,” she reasoned. “You bundled their best essays and sent them off on Friday, right?”
“They should get their results in a few weeks.”
“Then all I need to do is prep them for the exam, which is only twenty percent of their overall grade.”
“But you were counting on me, and I just blew up our department. And hurt Kira. Oh god.” My face dropped back into my hands. “Kira must hate me.”
Between my fingers, I watched Shawn lift a shoulder. “I’d hate you if I were her.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
“But Theo will handle it.”
“That’s if he wants to see me again after all this.”
And this was where my two closest friends fell silent, because neither of them knew where Theo and I stood.
Theo had one goal, and we all knew what that was. He was focused on building a future for Kira. A future I made worse by falling for him.
“I should’ve walked away,” I muttered into my palms. “Why didn’t I walk away?”
Lilly sighed and pawed at my shoulder as Shawn’s voice rumbled across from me. “Because you knew you would’ve regretted it if you did.”
Monday Night
Theo’s deep, gravelly voice made my stomach flip.
“Hey. Are you okay?”
I rolled over on the couch and murmured into my phone, “I’m fine. Is Kira okay?”
“She’s asleep. But no. Not really.” He blew out a breath. “I didn’t think any of this through.”
Burrowing deeper into the cushions, I whispered, “Me neither. She wasn’t supposed to find out.”
Fresh anger edged his tone as he said, “I want to know who took that picture.”
“I think we both know who took it. Amber had a copy and sent it to their entire grade.”
“Fucking Ashley.”
“Yep. Fucking Ashley.”
“Miss Fares lost her promotion?”
I swallowed around the Lilly-shaped lump in my throat. “Yeah. And she already forgave me for it.”
“She seems the type to do that.”
“I have to get her job back.”
“You will.”
I snorted quietly. “You sound confident.”
The smile in his voice felt like pure sunshine as he said, “I am. I’m confident you’ll stir up so much shit, Rutton will give in just to get you to stop.”
I put a hand over my mouth, smothering my laugh. I was on Lilly’s sofa; I didn’t want to wake her. “Maybe we should’ve–”
“What?” he asked.
“Been smarter about this. This wouldn’t have happened if I walked out of your office.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop myself from smiling.
“I didn’t want you to go,” Theo went on. “And I still don’t.”
My breath hitched in my throat. He made me feel all warm and melty. I really, really liked it. But it didn’t change the fact that people were hurt by what we did.
I sighed. “Only I could manage to ruin two people’s lives within forty-eight hours. Because I had sex, of all things.”
“Well…”
“If you call me trouble again, I’ll tell Mario you ate his yogurt cup last week.”
He laughed. “I shouldn’t have told you that.”
“What are we going to do now?” I asked.
A moment passed. Then Theo said, “Kira is my first priority. Everything has to come second to her.”
“And it should.”
“But not this, Mia. Not you.”
“Theo–”
“Mia, listen. Please. I’ve never felt like this before. And I can’t–”
He cut himself off and let out a breath, like he wanted to be sure of what he meant.
My heart thrummed as he said, “I can’t end this. I don’t want to.”
How was he making me feel all this? My chest felt heavy and light all at once.
“I want to see you. I missed you the second I left you.”
“Oh, bloody hell,” I grumbled. “You’re not playing fair.”
His laugh rolled into my ear, and hearing it gave me the delusional sense that maybe, maybe, we could do this.
“Just… take your time with Kira. I don’t want to end up being something you regret.”
“Never.” And he sounded so sure that I had to resist every romance-heroine, main-character urge to bolt from this couch and run to him as he said, “The way I feel about you–I could never regret this.”
South Bronx Classical
Tuesday morning
Want to know what regret looked like?
It looked like Kira.
She was a lost baby deer, all fawn-like and willowy, clutching her notebook to her chest as she ignored the snickering around her.
And it only got worse. Her sad baby blues widened when she spotted me in the hallway.
“Ah, shit,” I muttered under my breath. I tried to give her a smile.
She lowered her eyes instantly, and I didn’t know what got into me, but no. Nope. I was not okay with letting her hate me.
So instead of walking by her like I should have, I went to her, holding her gaze as I asked, “Kira, can I see you in my staffroom, please?”
The students around us dropped their voices in a synchronized, “Oooooo,” and I frowned at them as I led her down the corridor.
Once the door was shut, I turned to face her, and I didn’t know what I expected to see, but the look on her face surprised me anyway.
She was angry.
“What do you want?” she snapped.
Well. The resemblance she shared with her father was pretty obvious now.
“I want to talk to you about yesterday.”
She rolled her eyes. “My dad told me everything. We don’t need to talk.”
“Yes, we do. Because you’re mad at me, and I’m not okay with that.”
“Well, too fucking bad, Miss Walker.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Calling me ‘Miss Walker’ weakens the swearing a bit, don’t you think, love?”
“I don’t care.” She slapped her arms by her sides. “You should’ve left my dad alone.”
I frowned. I wasn’t sure how to move on from here.
If I thought I felt guilty after what happened to Lilly, I felt even worse after seeing Kira like this. She was so upset that talking to her felt like handling a time bomb.
“I know this isn’t easy on you, and I’m sorry it happened–”
She threw her arm out, pointing at the door. “Do you know what they’re saying about me? It’s been one day, and they’re already saying I only got into the program because you wanted to—to… fuck my dad.”
Saying this out loud seemed to make her feel sick.
“Kira, you know none of that is true. You earned your spot before I met you. And you saw how your dad reacted when he realized I was your teacher.”
“He yelled at you. He wanted you gone.”
Well, that was true.
“Exactly. You have great grades despite him. I’d never let how I feel about him change how I feel about you.”
Her anger faded into something pained. “I listened to you, Miss Walker. I thought you actually cared about me.”
I’d never wanted to wrap my arms around someone as badly as I wanted to now. “Oh, love. I do care about you.”
“You’re just saying that because of my dad.”
I had to put my hands behind my back to stop myself from touching her. She was so hurt. I hated it.
“Kira, I didn’t plan for this to happen. But I do care. Tell me how to fix this, and I will.”
She lifted her head, her bottom lip wobbling as she said, “I want you to break up with my dad.”
I was afraid she’d say that. But Theo and I weren’t actually… were we? I still hadn’t pieced together last night’s phone call. How could I break up something that had barely started?
“I don’t think I–”
“Leave us alone,” she suddenly yelled. “I don’t want you with him.”
And with that, Kira pushed past me, opened the door, and slammed it shut behind her.
I’d dealt with teenage outbursts for years, and they never affected me much. But Kira’s did. As the door rattled in its frame, so did my nerves.
This… definitely felt like regret.