Theo #3
Rochelle paused. She chewed her slice and swallowed, watching my daughter as she did it.
“This is too dramatic for a family dinner,” I muttered, finally picking a slice for myself and biting into it. Immediately, the taste took me back to eating with Mia on her sofa, and an intense bolt of longing hollowed me out.
I wished she was here. I wished I could’ve figured out a way to make this work for us.
“Look at your dad, Kira.”
“I see him.”
“No, look at him.” Rochelle waved a hand above my shoulder, gesturing to all of me. “He’s exhausted.”
Kira looked away. “I know.”
“He isn’t sleeping. He isn’t eating properly.” Rochelle gripped my sleeve and shook it. “And I’m pretty sure he wore this outfit yesterday.”
“Rochelle,” I snapped. “I’m fine.”
She rolled her eyes and kept going. “And the stubble. Your dad’s never been a beard guy.”
“I know,” Kira repeated softly.
She pointed at Kira with her pizza slice. “He’s miserable.”
I took the slice out of her hands and dropped it on her plate. “I’m not ‘miserable’.”
“Yes,” Rochelle insisted. “You are.”
She was right. I was. But that was my problem, not my daughter’s.
Kira slid her gaze to me carefully, and something Rochelle said seemed to make her look at me differently. For the first time in days, she looked worried about me.
“I’ve never seen him like this.” I thought Rochelle was done then. She took another bite of her pizza, chewed, and swallowed. But then she added, “He’s heartbroken.”
I put my head in my hands and groaned as Kira looked away again, her cheeks flushed like she was embarrassed that Miles was listening to this.
“This is the first time he’s ever really been in love,” Rochelle mused. “And he gave it up for you.”
My head snapped up, and I stared at my sister.
“Rochelle,” I warned.
Kira stared at her aunt, shocked, as my sister said, “It’s true.”
“It’s not okay to put that on Kira,” I barked.
Rochelle straightened in her chair, shrugging as she said, “Well, I never thought you’d fall in love, but I did think that if it ever happened, your daughter would be happy for you.”
Kira’s expression dropped into a scowl, and Rochelle tutted at the sight of it. “Oh, come on. What’s that face for? Because you’re mad your dad’s fallen in love? I know that’s not the real problem here. It isn’t him and Mia. The problem is whoever took the picture in the first place.”
At that, Kira stood from her chair and stormed out of the room.
Out on Rochelle’s patio, the cool breeze lifted strands of Kira’s hair and swept them over her shoulders. She still seemed so delicate to me–this small, uncertain, hopeful little girl.
I was the person she trusted to fix things. I was the one she relied on when life got hard. I’d helped her get here, to this place, where her and her mom’s dreams for her were about to become a reality.
But somehow, I’d broken everything. And I didn’t want that to be true anymore. There had to be a way to fix this. For both of us.
“I’m not upset that you’re in love.” Kira didn’t turn around. She spoke into the crisp air as she said, “I’m upset that it happened after Mom died.”
I stared out over her head, studying the clouds. “I know.”
“It should’ve been her.”
A heavy sigh rolled out of me. I couldn’t blame her for feeling like this. In a perfect world, Tash never would’ve died, and we would’ve been married. The perfect happy family.
But Tash and I weren’t in love. And I couldn’t change that.
“I remember holding you for the first time.”
“Dad,” Kira complained, rolling her eyes. I went on anyway.
“You were this tiny, wrinkled, pink thing.”
She groaned, leaning her elbows on the railing and putting her head in her hands.
“And Kira, until that moment, I just–I didn’t know what love felt like. Then, there it was, in my hands.”
Her head shifted slightly in her grip, and I knew she was listening.
“I had everything I needed right then and there. And it’s still like that every time I look at you. Your mom felt the same. We didn’t need to love each other, because we loved you.”
She sighed, lifted her head, and turned to look at me.
“You’re the best thing I will ever, ever do. You come first in here–” I patted my chest “–and you always will. Loving Mia won’t take that away. It can’t.”
Her bottom lip trembled. “I know. That isn’t the problem. I just wish it was Mom. I wish she was the one who made you happy.”
“I know. And I know none of this is fair. When your mom got sick, it changed everything. But it’s okay that we’re okay now. It’s what your mom wanted for us.”
“She didn’t want us to forget her. And being happy without her feels like that.”
Instinct took over as her eyes filled with tears, and I pulled her to me.
Holding her tight, I spoke into her hair. “You look at all the ways you’re living your life and feel like you’re letting her down by enjoying it without her. But that’s not what she would’ve wanted.”
Kira sniffled into my chest, and I rubbed her back in the slow, comforting circles she liked.
“You know your mom. You know no one could ever replace her. She just wanted us to be happy. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”