Chapter 10
Sarge
I wanted her. Bad.
The sunlight crisps my retina, forcing me to squint the moment I step out of the clubhouse. I close my eyes, but it still burns through my eyelids.
I lift a hand to pull my dark sunglasses from my hat, wishing for more sleep, a cup of coffee, or both. Even though I came back before the sun was up, I’m drained.
Raydar’s in the gravel lot ahead, doing some sort of maintenance to his bike. Gets me thinking I should do the same; an oil change wouldn’t hurt, especially after my bike sat idle while I healed. I add that to my never-ending mental list of things to do and stroll over to Ray.
“Hey, man. Whatcha working on today?” I ask, plopping down on a bench seat.
Owning a Harley is a choice that comes with expected expenses. The HD on the tank is often said to stand for Hundred Dollars, and I can’t say that’s incorrect. But the second you hit third gear on an open highway, you forget all the problems that come from these machines.
I can hear tools clanking against metal as he works away.
“Ah, she was acting up last night on the ride home. Decided to come out here today and check the points.” Wiping his hands off, he sits up so he can see me over his bike. “Hey, you wanna tell me why I was babysitting last night?”
His tone’s casual, but his eyes make it clear he’s not entirely joking. “You’re the prez. You know I’ll do anything you need, but I’m curious why. This girl someone to you?”
I drag a hand over my face, feeling every line of exhaustion. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw hers. The way she looked at me right before shutting the door.
“She’s not just some chick in a bar,” I mutter.
Raydar raises a brow. “No shit. You don’t pull me off general security to watch anyone.”
I don’t hand that kind of trust out lightly.
Hell, I don’t hand it out at all. If I want something done right—I do it my damn self.
But Raydar’s been at my side for a decade, from club runs, fights, close calls that could’ve gone either way.
.. I’d trust him with my back, my bike.. . Hell, even my life.
That’s why I asked him to keep an eye on her. If anyone could help keep her safe, it’s him. I didn’t want to leave her side, but I had to see Booker off in his Uber. Good enough guy—but he doesn’t know when to stop drinking.
“Looked to me like shit was gonna go down with you two... but you came home early. She kick you out or something?” Raydar asks with a smirk.
I shake my head. “Nah, she seemed more than willing... but I don’t take advantage of drunk women. And I need this one to go differently. Not some one-nighter.”
“Wow,” Raydar says, his eyebrows shooting up. “You really mean it, huh? You like this one.”
I grunt, staring past him at nothing. He’s not wrong. I wanted her. Bad. Still do. And that’s the problem—wanting her shouldn’t pull at me like this. Usually, wanting a woman is a simple itch that needs scratching. This feels like a hook in my gut.
“Yeah, man. I do.” I let the words hang for a moment, let them sink into the air between us, then I harden my tone. “And I’m willing to go through any motherfucker to get to her. She’s spoken for.”
Raydar shakes his head, a low laugh rumbling out of his chest. “Calm down there, brother. She’s your girl.”
The words hit me harder than I expect. Your girl. Part of me wants to believe it, wants to claim her as mine already. But Hannah hasn’t given me that right. Not yet, at least. Hell, for all I know, she might not.
She has a toughness that didn’t come out of nowhere. She’s lived through her own shit, much like I have, and I’m not going to rush her. I refuse to be the next thing she has to survive.
“Don’t gotta piss on her, man,” Raydar says, clapping a heavy hand on my shoulder as he starts cruising toward the door. “We got it, she’s your territory. No one’s dumb enough to touch what’s yours.”
I shake my head, a dry laugh escaping me as I follow him inside. Rounding the corner into the common area, we join Ace, Wolf, and Gizmo.
Ace and Wolf sit relaxed on the couch, half-watching some loud action movie, while Giz is being a nerd at the table, brown eyes glued to his computer screen.
“Prez got himself an Old Lady,” Ray announces to no one in particular.
“Woa.” Giz offers with utter disbelief.
Pausing the movie, Ace straightens and shakes his head. “Bullshit.”
“Damn, and I’m still single?” Grimace walks towards me, clutching his chest as though I’ve pained him.
“Nah, man, that’s awesome. I’m happy for you,” he adds. “I gotta head into town for a bit. Should be back in an hour or so.” Grimace says before walking out of the clubhouse toward his bike.
“Good for you, man. Was starting to wonder if you were becoming a monk or something. Haven’t seen you with a woman in months,” Wolf says with a chuckle.
If anyone, I know he’s happy for me. He’s seen me at my worst, which is why his approval actually carries weight.
I catch his eye and give a single, rapid nod. The guys can joke all they want, but the reality is settling in. I hope she’ll be okay with what I have to offer her. The club is my family; I’m not leaving this life or these men. This is the one place I feel like I completely belong.
Leadership is in my blood. It felt right in a uniform, and it feels right in a kutte.
But leadership feels even better when you’re leading something that matters—and people who would take a bullet for you.
I want Hannah in this world with me; I can see her by my side.
I just need to get her on board with the idea.
“So, what then? You gonna see her again?” Wolf asks.
If I have anything to say about it, I am. “Yeah, man, that’s the plan.”
“How does this work then? Do you wait around for her to message you? Do you wait three days and contact her? I’ve been out of the dating game for more than a decade. Don’t know how you kids do this shit anymore.”
I freeze. Shit.
I don’t have her number and don’t even know her last name. I know where she lives, but would that be weird? Just swinging by her house to ask for her number and see if she wants to see me again?
Fuck.
That would be completely creepy. The last thing I want is to scare her off before we’ve even started.
I could ask Gizmo to track her down—he could find a needle in a digital haystack in less than ten minutes—but that feels like a breach of privacy. I want her to choose me, not feel forced into it.
“No. Looks like I’ll have to wait until I can see her again. We didn’t exchange numbers,” I admit.
“Old school. That’s what I’m talking about, man. That I can relate to.” Wolf hand lands down hard on my shoulder. “Doing things the old way... I swear it’s the way to go.” He strolls over to the clubhouse bar and orders a drink.
Hell, it’s five o’clock somewhere.
Maybe he has a point, though. I need her to know I’m serious about this.
I’m half-scared by how deeply I’m feeling this so soon, but I’ve got to get over that shit.
If I’m going to prove to her that I’m not here to play games, I have to be the one to lower my guard first. I’m not a man who will ever aim to let her down.
On the outside, as far as anyone else is concerned, she’s mine.
But I know I need her full consent before that statement is a fact.
This needs to be on her terms. As much as I wish I could fist her hair and tell her she’s mine, she has a wall up. Forcing my way in isn’t the way to break down those defenses. I have to be patient. I have to be the man she wants to let in, not the one she feels the need to protect herself from.
So, what does that leave me with? Fuck-all, that’s what.
My best bet is running into her at Rawhide again, but with the upcoming run, the chances are slim. If I push it, I can make it back late Friday night before the bars close.
The problem is finding the balance. I have to figure out how to maintain this life while building something real with her. Maybe I can have Bear or Wolf take over some of these runs so I can stay local more often.
Being gone for days on end isn’t the best way to build up a new connection. I need her to see that I’m present. I need her to know I’m a constant in her life, not just some man popping in and out when it’s convenient.
I’ve spent my life leading men and making tough calls, always looking toward the next mission. Right now, the only mission that matters is making sure that when she needs me, I’m there—every single time.
I call the brothers into church to go over the new play.
We need a way to handle the upcoming run, so our business is covered both locally and across the border.
We’ve been moving product from Nogales long enough that everyone knows the drill.
My men can handle the tail end of this run so I can bail early.
I have a Butterfly to catch, and I can’t do that from a hundred miles away.