CAMERON #2
I narrowed my eyes, deciding not to give him the pleasure of knowing I might have had a zing of jealousy. A long time ago, he had been mine, even if that pipe dream never could have lasted. “That’s rich coming from someone who got all flustered over my Grindr message.”
Riley’s cheeks reddened. “I didn’t… That’s not…”
A moment of confusion was all I needed to round on him and swap our positions.
It had been too long since the last time I was in control.
Three years of distance and a month of me keeping my head low gave Riley some ridiculous fancies about this power dynamic.
Pressed against the railing and with nowhere to go, he jutted his chin out in defiance that did little to soften me.
I leaned in, fearlessly allowing my body to press against his even though his heat on me was the last thing I needed.
“You’re forgetting yourself, Brooks,” I growled into his ear.
“Maybe you have had your skates licked too much since your captaincy, but don’t expect me to follow along.
I’m not someone you can boss around, Riley. Or did you forget that?”
The heat that radiated off his body seemed to rise by ten degrees in the next instant.
He was still. As I pulled back from his ear, I glanced down and noticed the goosebumps along his neck.
His blue eyes were wide, black eyebrows high on his brow in surprise.
He licked those red lips quickly and recuperated enough to frown at me.
“We’re not those boys anymore,” he huffed. “As you keep reminding me.”
For the briefest of moments, it felt like firecrackers went off in my chest. I didn’t want to dive into the useless talk of why things had gone this way or that way.
None of that mattered. The facts were as plain as they could be.
I’d broken off whatever it had been that we’d had and Riley was far more butt-hurt about it.
Had I not done it, he would have dumped me sooner or later.
Or we would have turned into a horribly codependent couple.
And that would have been worse than what had actually happened.
But right now, as we entered an impromptu staring contest, jitters filled me.
The memory of those Sundays blazed before my eyes.
Riley’s skinny frame that made him the butt of all the jokes on our high school team and the fierce desire to do anything and everything in the two hours of privacy we’d had each week; the fire that burned in him to this day had once been directed to the sweetest, most exciting acts of pleasure.
And, as I glared at him now, I could see that it had never truly gone out.
He was just as feisty, but not nearly as skinny as he had been in high school.
Where the years had worn me down, they’d only shaped him into someone far more cocky.
And, admittedly, handsome. The momentary temptation to seek common ground with my oldest friend and first flame just because there existed such a bright passion somewhere behind his cold glare was hard to push aside.
I held my breath just so I wouldn’t wheeze before him.
It took me a moment to find my voice again and pitch it low.
And there, I went in for the kill. “You’re right.
We’re not those boys anymore. You’d better keep that in mind.
If I could break your heart so easily at eighteen, what do you think I’m capable of after three years of booze and sex and deprivation? ”
His expression melted into some blend of horror and hatred. He detested everything about me as plain as day. And it was just simpler that way. But he managed to squeeze out a few more words. “For you to hurt me, I’d need to give a fuck, Cam. But you’ve taught me how to not care.”
“Good.”
I turned on my heels and marched out of the frat house.
The storm of emotions that warred in me ranged from self-pity to hateful competition.
But what I tried and failed to ignore was the sliver of excitement.
I hadn’t been this close to him in years.
I hadn’t had my lips so near his earlobe since high school.
I hadn’t felt his wavy blond hair brushing against my cheek since the morning I last had him in my arms.
We were probably the wrongest choice for one another.
I had resented him, to a degree, my entire life, even at our closest. He hated me for putting myself first for once in my shitty existence.
If there was such a thing as self-destruction by lust, he would be mine.
Just the scent of his sea breeze cologne made my cock stir.
And if I allowed myself to think of the things I’d wished to do when he was at his snappiest, I would soon find myself panting for air.
He irked me in ways nobody ever had or would.
The defiance in those eyes and the way his nostrils flared made me want to put him in his place any way I could.
And I knew one way of subduing Riley Brooks. But that way was as off limits as it could get.
At the empty team house, I slammed and locked my door, undressed, and treated myself to a cold shower. My head was spinning with conflicting thoughts that attacked one another, but one thing was constant. Riley Brooks had inadvertently made me hard and the cold water wasn’t cutting it.
Either this dry spell had left me far more desperate than I’d realized, or it was muscle memory reacting to his proximity. I only knew I needed to tread very carefully from now on.
But that was a lie.
I knew one other thing that terrified me. It wasn’t just sex I was lacking. That much I could get with a few taps on my phone. It was the familiarity. It was the companionship. It was the sense of longing for a place I’d never known. And Riley ticked those boxes just by being who he was.
I’m not doing it, I told myself firmly. I’m not considering it. He doesn’t even want to be near me and the only thing that can come out of all this baggage and resentment is heartbreak.
I kept telling myself these things all the while closing my eyes and pulling an old memory from the depths of my mind.
A Sunday morning. His family wore their best clothes for the mass.
It was spring. The fact that Easter was only one week away made it so much more sinful to sneak behind their righteous backs.
Riley was at his wildest so far and he had me every way a human body would allow, doing goddamn splits on the bed while moaning the roof off the house.
Sliding back into those days was so much easier than I’d expected.
It was all still intact in my consciousness.
His scents and sounds, the feel of his fingertips dragging along my torso, and the pain when he grabbed fistfuls of my hair as he neared his orgasm.
I’d preserved it all in my head for years.
Afterwards, as I lay in my soulless dorm room, guilt wrecked me.
The emptiness of the last three years of my life threatened to engulf me and carry me far from the coast. The longing for something more hadn’t faded even for an iota.I grabbed the pillow and pressed it over my face, then growled into it to no relief.
Frustrated out of my mind, I got up, put some clothes on, and headed to the basement.
Everyone was at the party except me, so I browsed the common area with a can of cold beer in my hand until I came upon another ancient memory.
On the far side of the basement, near the soccer table, up against the red brick wall, was a gaming console I had spent hours enjoying, side by side with Riley, who had always been glowing after soaring through heaven and hell with me.
He still had it. Here, in the common room, was his old PlayStation.
I chugged the beer and decided I didn’t care if it pissed him off that I touched something of his. It was in the common room. And I was the common folk of the house. Losing myself in The Fallen Order for a few hours suddenly seemed like the brightest prospect a wreck like me had.
And, for the first time in longer than I cared to remember, I actually, truly smiled.