CAMERON #2
It was pure, swaggering fun as we whirled and skated and slammed each other against the boards.
There was no anger in me when I hard checked him.
In fact, pinning him against the boards and getting our helmets to bump against one another only gave me a glimpse of a time long gone.
Way back in our senior year of high school, when the first feelings of attraction and excitement had emerged, I had been craving these moments like a starving man.
I had been dying for body checks like these just to feel Riley Brooks on me.
The excitement and fun of the game returned to me in this silly little exercise. And when we were heaving for air and dripping with sweat that would soon freeze on our faces, I took my helmet off and grinned from across the rink.
I didn’t know what the hell I expected. The bubble in which we had existed for the better part of the last hour burst as soon as the game was over. Riley spotted me, but turned away and headed for the locker room instead.
I skated quickly to the other end of the rink and took my skates off as soon as I could.
In the locker room, still adjusting to standing on my own two feet, I found Riley partially undressed.
The eerie silence of this place felt like reality was slightly altered.
Normally, this place was brimming with guys who had a lot to say.
Now, there was nothing. Just the tearing of velcro filled the locker room with a rapturing sound.
As quickly as we had fallen into the good old fun of hockey, we had fallen back into the awkward, agitated silence just as fast. Riley stripped down to his underwear and grabbed a towel from his locker, then walked away.
I told myself there was no reason for me to care. We’d shared an hour on ice that wasn’t as hate-filled as all the other moments we had had to endure this month. It wasn’t groundbreaking.
Bit by bit, I removed my gear and clothes, then took my own towel and went into the shower.
Riley’s cabin was releasing steam like the Orient Express at full speed and my heart tripped in the moment when I considered my earlier thoughts.
He was probably just sulking in there, his eyebrows flat over his eyes and his lips thrust out. But he was also naked.
I shut myself in the stall a couple doors away from him and turned on the shower. It splashed against my skin, chasing away the cold of the rink but failing to push aside my sinful thoughts of Riley.
I told myself it was just the odd feeling of an empty shower room after practice. I told myself it was just the remnants of days gone. But I knew I was fooling myself. He’d asked me how it was so easy for me and I had given him a non-answer.
I soaped myself up, then rinsed, and by the time I was done, Riley was wrapping up, too. I quickly dabbed myself with the towel, then wrapped it around my waist. It was tight and long, reaching below my knees.
We got out of our stalls at the same time, Riley lost in a thick cloud of steam.
He was pink with heat and his hair was almost brown.
He glanced at me, then made a point of not looking at me again as he walked out of the shower, but that brief moment had been enough.
He hadn’t caught my eyes; instead, he’d scanned my torso.
And it was enough to make my heart clench.
It was enough to make me want to reach out to the hellfire that his feelings for me had become.
I didn’t mind my flesh and bones melting if only I could graze his body with my fingers one more time.
I closed my eyes and fought these wild ideas back. But when I walked out, Riley was standing dull and almost lost in the locker room, his towel wrapped tightly around his waist, too. He hadn’t started changing yet.
I swallowed and walked up to my locker. It was just an excuse because they were next to each other. I was actually walking up to Riley and I opened my mouth before I could think this through. “It’s not easy.”
Riley turned to me. “Huh?”
“None of this is easy.” My voice was raw when I spoke.
I patted the back of my neck where a drop of water trickled from my hair.
“But I’m out of options, Riley. This is the only thing left to me.
I would’ve spared us both the pain if I could, but I had to come back or drown.
” My voice cracked at the last part. I had never said these words aloud and I hadn’t planned on telling them to Riley of all people.
But California had done a number on me and I was struggling to claw my way out of the abyss.
“I knew you were here, Riley. I knew it would be hard to face you. Hell, man, I was terrified until I saw how much you hated me. That…” My words faded and I looked down.
His hatred made it ever so slightly easier.
“It freed me of my guilt,” I said quietly.
Whatever I thought I was saying wasn’t what Riley heard. His face twisted in an expression of contempt and he closed the distance between us. “So just because I’m not rushing to forgive you, you get to act all superior?”
“Christ, Riley, that’s not what I’m saying,” I snapped, annoyance overtaking all the other feelings. “You’re acting like a brat again.”
“Freeing you of your guilt, huh?” He bared his teeth. “I can’t fucking believe you, Cam.”