NOAH #2
Fuck. Me. I crossed my arms on my chest and thanked the Maker for baggy pants that concealed all the filthy, sinful things that were happening inside my banana-decorated boxer-briefs. “See what?” It was a strangled attempt at concealing how my body reacted to his aura.
He tilted his head and raised his chin, the smallest of smirks touching his lips. “You see,” he concluded. “Now we just need to make sure you can pull it off.”
“What? Like, now?” Panic crept into my voice. “I was gonna teach you a learning technique tonight.”
“You will,” he said as he got up and approached me. The scent of grass and leaves and a cool mountain breeze washed over me and I wanted to squirm and rub my thighs together. “Sit here,” he said and pointed at the chair. “Let’s see you relax.”
“I am relaxed,” I lied.
“Unless you lost a baseball bat up your butt, you’re gonna have to try harder,” Sawyer said.
He fell onto my bed, legs spread casually.
His black cargo pants were tucked inside his Doc Martens with red laces.
His back rested against the wall and the Christmas lights gave him a halo.
He didn’t even blink at suggesting there was a baseball bat up my ass while I needed to claw at the armrests of my chair as the words rang through my skull.
It was like he was intentionally embarrassing me. “Wiggle your shoulders.”
I made circles with my shoulders and tried again, harder, when I saw visible dismay on his face.
“Better,” Sawyer said. “Slouch a little, but, like, without slouching. You know?”
“I…really don’t know,” I said, leaning against one armrest, then the other, then leaning back and forth, looking for some position.
“When were you on your last date?” Sawyer asked, a little more somber.
“Um, a while ago,” I lied.
“How did that happen?” he asked.
“Grindr.” Another lie. But it was an easy one to swallow.
He cringed. “And how did that go?”
“Not…great.” I didn’t need to invent much. The fact I was incapable of speaking of these things was already plain. As was the apparent fact that my wardrobe was doing me more harm than good. “I’m not a people person,” I said. It was true.
“Grindr isn’t a people place,” Sawyer said, waving his hand dismissively.
“The rules are all different. People greet each other with dick pics. Not that I’m judging, but it sort of kills the fun for me.
I like the chase, the flirting, the seduction.
Jumping into someone’s bed when you’ve already seen their dangly bits ruins the thrill. There’s no mystery in it.”
“Uh-huh.” I agreed in theory. The one attempt at hookup apps had been enough to inform me I was not that kind of a guy. No shade on those guys, but I also wanted to catch someone’s eyes from across the room, push and pull for a while, see if there’s chemistry before taking it elsewhere.
“Have you ever picked someone up at a bar? Or let someone pick you up?” Sawyer was all matter-of-fact about it, like that was something ordinary. I guess it was for him.
“Um, no. Never. Like I said, I’m not…”
“Friendly? Forward? Extroverted? Got it. We’ll make do with what we have.” He stretched his lips into a smile.
I sucked my teeth and directed my gaze right at him. “You know what? You’re kind of a dick.”
He snapped his fingers and pointed at me, his smile morphing into a grin. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“That. How do you grow a pair when you need to bite back?” He was way too amused by this.
“I swear to God, I’ll send your ass out and eat ice cream on the day you drop out.” I crossed my arms as I leaned back. We were on my turf, after all.
He just wagged his finger. “Maybe that’s who you are,” he said.
The excitement that was rising on his face reminded me of Archimedes spilling the excess water from the bath and discovering how to test whether the king’s gold was real or not.
Except, Archimedes ran naked all across the city before the idea evaded him and there were no hints that Sawyer would be undressing any time soon.
“Maybe we should build your brand around that. Because you are a coy fucker. Just don’t take it so far because, like I said, it scares people off. ”
“So far, you’ve told me to be scary, but not too scary; welcoming but unapproachable; attractive but without trying. I’m genuinely not sure if you’re teaching me or making fun of me.” I didn’t let my gaze waver before him.
He nodded like he understood. “I’m not making fun of you.
These lessons are all I have to save my ass.
I’ll make you the most desirable guy on campus if that’s what it takes to save my career.
Now, focus. Narrow your eyes. Give me a pout.
Never fix your glasses with the back of your hand or with one finger pushing the bridge.
Instead, take the frame with two fingers and fix them like you mean it.
” As he spoke, he moved to the edge of the bed, pumping me up for my grand fixing of the glasses.
I furrowed the space between my eyebrows and did as I was told.
“Hawt,” Sawyer said firmly. I couldn’t tell if he was kidding. “You’re not just a brainiac nerd next door. Hell no. You’re a lean, mean, fuck-machine. Say it.”
“I would literally rather jump out of the window than utter those words,” I said.
“Fine. But keep saying it internally. And believe it. You’ve got a little beard shadow on your chin and a hint of a mustache. Your hair is messy.” He was scanning my entire body.
“I mean, I’ll fix it. I just showered.” I hadn’t realized I would need to be in my best shape for the first lesson.
“What? Oh no, these are the positives. Keep it like that. It’s stylish, but casual.
Like you don’t care that you didn’t shave or that your hair’s perfect the moment you wake up.
Wear it like it’s precisely what you wanted and the pillow made it because you’re a dude who gets what he wants.
” He was nodding harder as he spoke, getting more into it with every word.
“Let’s see your wardrobe. Go and put your best outfit on. ”
I exhaled with dread, then dragged my ass to the closet and began rummaging through my clothes. My dark blue pants were the best fit I had according to Matt, but they stuck to my legs and packed everything way too tightly. I preferred the comfort of sweats or baggy jeans.
I moved my hand through my shirts and found a light green one. Matt had called it “muy caliente” when we were at the mall and I got it on a whim. I felt tight in it, but Matt said it showed off my body.
“You talk an awful lot about Matt. Are we trying to impress him?” Sawyer asked.
Only then did I realize I was saying all of this aloud. “I, um, no. No way. We’re just friends.”
“You ramble when you’re nervous,” Sawyer diagnosed me. “Gotta keep a check on that mouth.”
I snorted, then marched into the bathroom.
He’d already seen me in a towel and went way overboard with his comments.
I wasn’t going to undress in front of him.
Besides, I couldn’t trust my body not to betray me.
My dick had already been hard once in the time Sawyer had been in my room and I was losing my patience.
When I walked out, I reached for a bowtie and suspenders to complete my look. My shirt was already buttoned up all the way, but Sawyer leaped across the room and shut the closet, nearly chopping my hand off. “Oh, no. Got a belt?” he asked.
I did.
“Brown. Good. Brown is good,” he was saying as I pulled the belt through and buckled it up.
It was a thin one, not drawing too much attention to it.
It wasn’t too bad, but I preferred the suspenders if I had to choose.
“And no bowties until I can trust you to wear them like they’re a crown.
We’re going for simple, elegant, contemporary. Leave Bill Nye the Science Guy behind.”
I met his gaze as we faced one another and shot him a glare of my own.
The corners of his full lips were quivering as he squinted and scanned me.
His hands reached to my neck and I held my breath.
We were a foot apart and his fingers touched the top button of my shirt.
He popped it like he’d done that a million times.
I swallowed way too loudly, making his exhale a soft laugh. “Another, I think.” And before I could disagree, he popped another button and tugged my shirt apart. “Much better, but you could do with a smaller size to really make your torso draw the eye.”
“While simultaneously acting like I don’t want any attention,” I said.
“Exactly. See? You’re catching on quickly.
” As he spoke, I looked away. His gaze was excruciatingly thorough all the way down to my red-and-black-striped socks.
“The moment the snow melts, you’re changing into ankle-height socks and rolling up your pants.
Show some skin down there. Show the Victorians. ”
“Hmpf.” I shifted away from him. His body was a furnace. His scent tickled my nostrils. His proximity turned my guts to steel. I was going to get hard again and I needed to abort the mission. “Right. How about we discuss physics?”
It felt like the tension between us disappeared at once. Sawyer stepped back, seeming a little smaller. “Right.”
“I thought I could show you Richard Feynman’s technique to learn anything.” Even as I spoke, his attention drifted to the rest of my room. He approached the posters and examined the planets on them.
“Uranus?” he asked, pointing at an orange and brown one.
“Um, no,” I said. I had no idea why he’d think that. “It’s just an imaginary gas giant.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “Uranus is a gas giant.”
“No, it isn’t.” The moment I answered, I replayed his words in my head. “You are a child.”