SAWYER #2
Noah growled. “Fine. But when I send all the wrong signals and the guy thinks I’m threatening him and there’s a bloodbath, it’ll be on you.”
“I’ll take those chances,” I said.
We caught each other’s gazes and held them a moment, then Noah looked away.
Just like I’d taught him. The yellow glow of the Christmas lights above his bed and another from the lamp on his nightstand faded the shadows on his body.
The dark green shorts he wore were high on his nearly smooth legs and the waistband was low.
While he had decent abs, the V line of a shredded body wasn’t present, and it made him look so much more natural.
He was lean and smooth and somehow vulnerable.
His lithe body seemed breakable if only someone mishandled it.
And his heart… I didn’t even know what to think of it.
I could only vow to make sure whoever we targeted on Friday was decent.
Fuckboys were off limits, that much was for sure.
Our nature was to have fun and think of consequences later.
But Noah didn’t deserve that. His expressions were too soft and his eyes too full of wonder and fear.
My heart clenched when I realized I couldn’t look away.
Friday came sooner than I anticipated, but Wallaby still hadn’t graded the test. I was slowly but surely getting ready for a failing grade.
Even accepting it. Though sixty points was all I needed, I was prepared for half as many.
Frankly, her lateness was the most infuriating, if the least surprising.
Some odd night, she’d ping us all with our results, and it would come from out of left field.
Noah waited for me in front of the dormitory, his eyes narrowing in a sneer of superiority. “I beat you at your own game.”
“Or I brought you down to my level of tardiness,” I said casually, shrugging to really drive the point of carelessness home.
He looked horrified for a moment, then hesitated, and finally started walking. “I wish I was doing anything else in the world.”
I laughed. “I felt the same way during my test.”
Tonight was later than our usual meeting times.
I’d returned from a game this afternoon, licking my wounds with everyone else on the team after we lost despite our best efforts.
Exhausted and defeated, we had all retreated to our own ways of coping.
Riley sulked, Cameron played his nerdy games, Tyler and Sebastian got far more competitive in table soccer, Beckett was off to hook up no doubt, Avery was a blank canvas, Caden disappeared.
Paxton and a few others went out to some party.
And me? I was about to test this awkward genius in the dating games.
“Come along.” I gestured with my head and we started walking.
The student center was in the heart of Northwood’s campus, surrounded by recreational facilities, then faculties, and finally, the larger areas reserved for accommodations and sports as well as a few labs which couldn’t fit into the faculty buildings.
The center was noisy almost all the time.
During the day, all the seats were occupied by coffee-downing students.
During the night, those same students poured copious amounts of beer down their throats.
And considering we were about to enter a tavern, I had a beverage in mind.
The Thirsty Thinker was as busy as ever. Two girls and a guy worked the bar that was almost completely dotted with guests. The taps were running endlessly as folks crowded around for their turn.
“Oh god,” Noah whimpered.
“They’re all a little drunk already,” I reassured him. It didn’t seem to mean the same thing to him as it did to me. He seemed horrified and I laughed. “That’s a good thing. Clouded judgment is your friend.”
“Gee, thanks.” The level of sarcasm in his tone made me proud. The boy was learning.
I found us two spots at the bar where a brunette girl sat on the right side and a couple of empty stools extended to the left.
My plan was to give Noah a boost of courage, then leave him on his own while I struck up a conversation with a girl.
That way, any onlookers who might scan Noah would know for certain that I wasn’t someone to be worried about.
As we neared the spots, the brunette looked up and caught my gaze, gave a jerky nod of greeting and didn’t wait for me to return it.
Mentally, I rubbed my greedy hands and checked her out a little more thoroughly.
She was sculpted to perfection, each curve exactly to my liking, and the highlights in her hair gave her a polished look that begged for a bad boy to taint with his proximity and influence.
But I turned away from her, both to seem uninterested and to focus on the test at hand.
“Could I have a red ale?” I asked the bartender when he reached us.
“I’ll have what he’s having,” Noah said, his voice insecure.
“You will not,” I said, incredulous. “He’ll have an American pale ale, a lighter one.” The waiter glanced at Noah, then nodded to confirm my order.
“What was that?” Noah asked.
“I’ll let you have a sip when they arrive. You’ll thank me later.” We perched ourselves on the worn, high bar stools and brought our heads together as if we were conspiring. “Do you see anyone you like?”
“Erm…I wasn’t looking.” He frowned.
A scoff escaped me before I could stop it. “Looking’s kinda important.”
“Right, but I still think this is a bad idea,” he said, then bit his lip. “I thought I was ready, but I’m really not.”
“It’s not a big deal, Noah. Just talk to any guy. Even if you don’t like him. Try out the eye contact I taught you. You were doing so well in your room.” I wanted to grab him and shake some courage into him.
“Yeah, but that was in my room.” He seemed even more nervous now. “Was your first time like this? I bet you were all cool about it.”
I inhaled a shallow breath of air, but it cut off when the meaning of his question failed to fit inside my head. “First time?”
Noah blinked, as if he was surprised by my question. “What?”
“What ‘what?’” I leaned in closer. “What do you mean, ‘first time?’”
The bartender set our beers in front of us. I barely heard him over the rising concern.
Noah was reddening at an alarming pace. “I mean, you know? A date. Picking up a date. I…”
I leaned in even closer, practically brushing our noses against one another. “Noah, is this your first time?” I emphasized the term so there was no mistaking my meaning.
Noah bit his lip and looked at me guiltily.
“Fuck,” I hissed. “I thought you had Grindr hookups. Noah, you should have told me.”
His eyebrows contorted in even more guilt.
“I lied. Fuck, I’m sorry, Sawyer. I panicked and said it because it’s frankly embarrassing.
See? You’re already looking at me differently.
And it sucks. Yes, I’m a virgin. And you know what?
It’s time to grow a pair and be done with it.
I’m sick of people treating me like a child. I’m not a child.”
I watched him, baffled, as his thoughts raced and he rambled. “Are you sure? Maybe this isn’t the best idea.”
Noah closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sure,” he said, opening his eyes and straightening. “I just want to be rid of it. It’s not that big of a deal, right?”
I had a hard time making myself lecture him on how the first time should be special.
My first time was anything but that. And the following two were awkward affairs with other girls.
I’d never had a sweetheart who I wanted to share that special moment with.
And I’d never found one, either. Still, I said, “It’s not my business to tell you, but if you pull the plug now, I won’t consider the test failed. ”
Noah snorted, then took my beer. “A sip?” And, at my gesture, he tried the red ale, then screwed his face into a sour expression.
“Fuck. That bites.” He tried his own, then, and his expression relaxed a little.
When he was less thirsty, he nodded to me.
“Stay there if I make a fool out of myself, but let me do this. If there’s any luck in this simulation, we’re in the last hours of my virginity. ”
I shook my head. Part of me thought he was rushing into it.
Then again, he was twenty-one. I’d lost my virginity at sixteen, then hooked up with my first guy when I was eighteen.
I had plenty of experience and a lot to regret despite all my parents’ efforts to teach me to make smart choices and give me the safety to make mistakes.
I wanted Noah to do this the right way, but I was the least qualified person on the planet to teach him that. If there was a right way to do it, I didn’t know what it was. “But give it another thought, will you?” I urged him.
“I’m sick of carrying that baggage around,” Noah admitted.
“Even when people don’t know, it’s almost like they can tell.
Like they can see I’m somehow…lesser.” He grabbed his glass and took a deep gulp of his beer, then another.
Courage filled him as much as the ale. He set his half-empty glass on the bar, then nodded at me bravely.
“I’m done being lesser. Now, watch my back.
” He spun away from me on the bar stool and began scanning the crowd.
Deciding to keep my ears pitched to his voice, I turned away so I wouldn’t hinder his chances. Nobody wanted to approach a guy who had an annoyed bulldog watching his back. And my annoyance was rising quicker than my mind could understand and keep up.
Something about this felt wrong on a level I hadn’t considered before.
Noah was far too sweet and tender to go into his first time blindly.
“Can I help you?” The brunette was looking at me and I realized I’d been glowering in her general direction.
I softened my edges a little. “Dunno. Can you?”
She scoffed, then returned her attention to her phone, shaking her head while a sneaky smirk touched her lips. “You’re all the same.”