CADEN #2
I looked over my shoulder. Funnily enough, he was dressed for a night out and it pulled at the corners of my lips.
The familiarity of Beckett Partridge sliding into my room was such that there never could be a bad time.
Every instinct told me to drop everything.
Our hours were few and precious. “Of course not,” I said, closing my laptop and textbook in turn, then piling up all my notes into my drawer.
“Good,” Beckett said. “I don’t want to go back.”
“Are you alright?” I asked as I got up and crossed the short distance between us. I pulled the thick jacket off of him and tossed it on the spare bed.
“Fine,” he said. “Just wanna be here.”
I nodded while Beckett kicked his shoes off.
He went through the effort of dressing up and putting his shoes on every night for the ten paces he needed to cross the hall to my room.
It was charming. And it was heartbreaking.
Did he not realize Jordan was as open-minded as any guy I’d ever met?
Did he not realize Asher was gay? But I didn’t ask him.
Such a question would sound too much like a suggestion that he should be coming out.
It was none of my business whether he wanted to or not.
My business was my own; I needed to figure out what my place was.
“Er, are you alright?” Beckett asked.
I realized then that I had been staring at his handsome face in silence for far too long.
I folded my lips, licked them, and then set a hand on his chest. Leaning in to kiss him was the easiest thing I had ever done.
The routine of it didn’t make the kiss any less exciting. My heart jittered whenever we did this.
Beckett smiled against my lips and kissed me back, then pulled away. “Now I’m really worried. What’s up?”
I almost made a dick joke there but chose a better path.
“Nothing’s up. I’m just glad you’re here.
” I found his hand and pulled him toward my bed.
He followed like a goofy teenager who’d just gotten his first real kiss on the cheek.
His heart eyes were unmistakable as he stumbled after me and dropped onto my bed.
He didn’t cover me wholly when we laid down, but he rested on his side and examined my face. “Do you realize how unlikely this is?” he asked.
“What is?” My frown was merely curious and my fingertips explored his chest over the nice, dark blue shirt he wore.
He hadn’t worn it before. I thought it could be a new one.
I had noticed his haircuts had grown more regular, his scents more adventurous, and his wardrobe emphasized his curves better.
“You and me.” He turned on his back, twining his fingers on his stomach, crossing his ankles, and gazing at the ceiling. “I’m not trying to pick a fight, but remember the very first thing you said to me?”
How could I forget? I had been equally star-struck to meet Nate Partridge’s nephew as his stunning looks had swept me.
“That snide little comment,” Beckett said, chuckling to himself like he was revisiting a fun, old memory. “That hint of accusation.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, alarm rising in my tone.
Beckett’s attention snapped to me, bewildered. “Don’t you remember? The age-old nepotism bullshit. It’s just funny how that was our whole relationship for years. And look at us now.” His expression held no accusation. If anything, he struck me as flirtatious.
“You’re so wrong,” I said, trying to match his lightheartedness about this.
The truth was, it was hard. We had never put our ghosts to rest. This, and the captaincy that had been snatched from my grasp, were things we had set aside to enjoy one another’s bodies as well as company.
“I didn’t make any such comment, Partridge. ”
He frowned. Confusion was so apparent on his face that I felt the need to explain.
“I’ll never forget that,” I said. “It was the quickest I ever went from liking a guy to detesting him. No offense.”
He snorted. “None taken. We’re doing a pretty good job of detesting each other every night.”
I slapped his abs playfully. “I walked in and you were eating a grilled cheese or something. Your mouth was full, but I couldn’t contain the excitement when I recognized you.
Nate was one of my heroes when I was in high school and you looked so much like him that I instantly knew who you were.
In fact, I saw your name on the team list a month earlier and I had goddamn butterflies about meeting you. ”
Beckett’s frown deepened. “No, that’s impossible. I remember when you walked in. You had your resting bitch face on and you immediately mentioned my uncle. Like there was no way I could be on the team without him.”
“You couldn’t be more wrong. I wasn’t even thinking about that.
It was Dennis who mentioned it first a few weeks later.
By then, I already hated your smug face so much that I just accepted the gossip.
Seriously, you were insufferable.” I dug my fingers into his ribcage and Beckett yelped and laughed so hard that he nearly fell off the bed.
He wasn’t having any of it. He turned on me, climbed me like he was about to cowboy me, and trapped my wrists above my head. He brought his face close to mine. “Why am I not surprised that you listened to the laziest guy on the team?”
Dennis had dropped out mid-season in our first year. Coach Murray had once mentioned in passing that taking the guy on was his biggest lapse of judgment. “How the hell was I supposed to know he was lazy?”
“You should have given me more credit,” Beckett said in a husky voice right against my ear.
I shuddered as I thrust my hips up both to tip him off balance and to rub myself against his butt. “You should have been nicer to me when I wanted to be friends.” Although I said these words playfully, their unbearable weight suddenly crashed into me.
It was the same old story. I saw a cute guy, I wanted to be friends forever, I realized I was catching feels that could never be reciprocated. And then I buried them in resentment.
Beckett must have remembered my story of coming out because his grip loosened around my wrists and he pulled back enough to look into my eyes.
He blinked twice, his pouty lips parting, and he inhaled through his mouth.
“You wanted to be friends.” He wasn’t asking.
He was fully realizing the depth of this reality. “Fuck, Caden.”
I bit my lower lip, torn between meeting the regret in his gaze and needing to look away. What I had said bared my feelings far more than I ever intended. I managed a little shrug.
“Fuck, Caden, I should have realized sooner,” he said, dismayed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Not your fault,” I said. “No. Scratch that. It’s totally your fault and you’re paying for it tonight.”
But Beckett didn’t bite that bait. He wasn’t dropping the topic.
“No, it is, and I’m sorry.” He slipped off of me and laid on his side again, setting his hand under my chin and turning my face towards him.
It was such an Old Hollywood move that I almost expected him to call me ‘sugar’ or ‘darling.’ “We need to talk,” he said.
Those four words sparked an almost physical reaction in me. I felt my walls rising immediately and needed to dismantle them bit by bit with the sheer force of will. I managed a small nod.
He released my chin and waited in silence.
If he thought it was my turn to start, he was wrong.
I had no idea where to begin. But there was some mercy in him and Beckett inhaled.
“Uncle Nate’s my hero,” he said. It was a truth in need of no evidence.
He said it so firmly that there wasn’t a power on this planet that could change his mind.
“I…” And he stumbled. He blinked fast and looked away.
“He’s the father I never had. He’s the reason I play.
He is the greatest man I have ever known.
” The phrasing and the preamble of it told me there was more he wanted to say, but he desperately wanted me to understand the whole picture.
Beckett let out a strangled chuckle. “But he’s also a megastar with incredible shoes to fill.
Even if he’s the reason I found my love for hockey, I can never hope to live up to that glory. ”
“That’s not…” I blurted, but Beckett shook his head once and I went quiet.
“The fact is, few people are truly great. And if one Partridge already holds that title, it’s not likely another will take the crown.
I know that and I’m okay with that for the most part.
I accepted it. But nobody else understands.
The fact that I am Nate’s nephew doesn’t make anything easier.
It makes things twice as hard. I keep having to prove myself as a player because everyone thinks it’s in my genes or my uncle’s backend deals with my coaches.
As if. Nate’s too busy to keep up with it.
And too proud of me to meddle and risk my future. ”
I felt like I had always known that somewhere in the depths of my heart. But the nature of our rivalry hadn’t allowed me to admit as much until now.
“I know I’m a piece of shit to many people,” he said off-handedly.
He focused on me and there was nothing dismissive about his words, then.
“Most of all to you. I was having a bad day, Caden. I just got here and everyone was talking about my uncle. You can’t imagine what that’s like.
I love that guy more than I can tell you.
And yet, when everyone flocked to ask me what he was like, I wished he’d never existed. That messes with your brain.”
I swallowed. “I think I get it. And I walked into all that with praise for your uncle when you were already sick of it.”