5. Sebastian #2
He shook his head. “You’re so wrong, Sebastian.” His hand was still on my shoulder, squeezing a little. “We made a pact, you and I. Remember?”
Always each other’s firsts. But that was a childish thing. We hadn’t known what it was like to grow up and discover we had too little time for anything other than the bare minimum we needed to do. College, hockey, relationships, teammates, friendships… It was all too much.
“I never changed my mind, Sebastian,” he said.
Had I? I couldn’t think clearly. My heart was speeding up with the weight of his words. Was I really that important to him? Be it my general bad mood or the hurt of getting cheated on, I couldn’t see myself as anything other than an obstacle.
“To answer your questions,” Tyler said, squirming and ending up a few inches closer to me.
We faced each other on the sofa and I could smell the woody scent of his cologne.
It accompanied every hug I had ever gotten from him.
“I do believe in soulmates, but I think people get it wrong. It’s got nothing to do with who you date or sleep with.
Some people are just a perfect match. They fit you like a puzzle piece.
They know you as well as you know yourself.
If it’s someone you’re attracted to, great.
If not, still great. An old widower feeding pigeons in the park and a college student on the verge of dropping out and in need of some wisdom becoming friends?
That’s what I’m talking about. Two enemies overcoming the constraints of sexuality and their struggle for the captaincy?
Soulmates. Best friends born on the same street in the same month and never giving up on each other? ” He nodded.
Us.
We were each other’s halves. We were one whole thing when we were together.
As if by instinct or premonition, I licked my lips. My cheeks were growing hotter as I blinked and focused on his eyes.
“Breakups happen,” he said. “And relationships come and go. But we stay. And you’re never in the way, Sebastian.” Something dark was rising in his eyes. Some deep sorrow that I could feel before I saw it. His lips quivered and he shook his head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m here,” I whispered. Some long-buried fear of losing him revealed itself. He needed to know he wouldn’t be alone. He had done so much for me and I wanted to return so many favors. Fueled by this fear, I groped for him and touched his upper arm.
Tyler’s gaze flickered from my torso to my eyes. He held his breath when I touched him. He swallowed, a worried frown creasing his forehead. But in the next instant, he was moving toward me.
I had no time to think. I didn’t consider all the implications. I didn’t even realize it would happen until the moment it happened.
Tyler’s lips ghosted over mine in a gentle, quiet collision that could wreck lives. His warmth was incredible and the softness of his lips welcoming. My mouth was closed in surprise while he pressed his lips closer, making my heart skip once and thunder endlessly.
Something like fury roared through me. It took control of my limbs. It dictated my actions for me. It injected adrenaline into my bloodstream. But I was wrong. It wasn’t at all like that. I wasn’t furious. The hot, suffocating sensation that erupted in my chest bore no trace of negativity.
I found that the hand I used to hold onto his arm was tensing, gripping his swollen bicep and pulling him closer. My mouth. The thought crossed my mind in a flash. My mouth was closed. What if I…?
My lips parted a little, fitting perfectly against his, and the kiss felt infinitely better.
It felt right. As though I had spent all my life in semi-darkness and finally stumbled out of my cave into the light, I discovered how obvious and inevitable it was.
Who else would know the precise combination of pressure and movement that made my ideal kiss?
Who else would run their fingers through the hair on the back of my head in such a soothing way?
My body knew how right this felt. It knew all too well how much it needed it. With one kiss, he had gone through all of me, picking up the pieces of my shattered soul. He put them all together neatly like an archeologist who carefully brushed bits of an antique vase.
A moan rose through my chest and escaped my mouth, alerting my ears. It was real. This was happening. Tyler. My best friend. He was kissing me.
What would Courtney say?
Fear returned to my body and gripped my heart in its wretched hand.
What if my parents found out? I was in enough trouble with them already. They would…they would…
I squirmed and released his arm. My open palm pressed his chest in an attempt to push him away, but I savored a single instant of touching him there, feeling his defined pecs under my hand, catching the beat of his heart, following the rise of his chest as he inhaled.
Then I pushed him away.
My ears still rang as I turned from him.
It was my heartbeat that I could hear. It thumped so loudly that I almost didn’t hear Tyler’s flood of apologies.
But the tingling in my feet that I had attributed to alcohol was rising, soaring through me, reaching all the nerve endings in my body.
My breathing was shallow, my fingers twitchy, and my…
Fuck. My dick was hard as hell and my head was so light it would have floated into the clouds if it wasn’t attached to my body.
I wheezed in a breath of air. “It’s okay,” I said. Or I thought I had said it.
“…Sebastian, you have to believe me,” he said quickly. “I have no idea what came over me. I think I’m drunk. I thought…maybe…”
“It’s okay,” I said, making sure that my words left my mouth this time. I looked at him.
Horror painted his face. His mouth was open mid-apology and his eyebrows were unnaturally twisted in pain and regret. Fear had narrowed his pupils so much that they were just tiny black specs in rich brown eyes. “Oh, God, Sebastian, I swear…”
My friend was spiraling. The moment I realized it, I pushed aside whatever confusing and wonderful and terrible things I was feeling.
I looked into his eyes and made my voice loud enough to drown out his erratic rambling.
“Ty, it’s fine,” I said. “We’re drunk. We made a mistake.
It’s nothing.” Somehow, somewhere, I found a smile for him.
“We’re not the first people to drunk-kiss at midnight. ”
“…mistake,” he whispered, frowning a little, then nodding with determination and an eagerness I had rarely seen him exhibit. “Totally. Still, I’m sorry. I usually ask.” His voice thinned almost to a squeak at the last part.
I laughed at that bit. I couldn’t imagine Tyler often mistakenly kissing his heartbroken friends. But I also didn’t know what else to say. So I pulled him in and hugged him.
As I held him in the same sort of embrace he had given me countless times over the last week, I thought I felt his fast heartbeat and his shallow breathing. He hugged me back and didn’t let go.
I was grateful that he didn’t want to break it off right away.
My face must have been glowing with heat.
I didn’t know what I looked like, but I knew I didn’t want him reading my expressions.
My body was still on the verge of shuddering, my legs heavy as lead.
I didn’t even dare consider why my dick was throbbing with painful hardness and why my heart was dragging all the way down into my stomach with some feeling I didn’t understand.
It couldn’t possibly be disappointment that he had listened to me and stopped.