JORDAN #2
“Don’t get all gloomy on me, Jordan,” Dad warned me. “I’ll regret telling you.”
I snorted. “Yes, because lying would have solved things.” Hypocrite, I snapped at myself. All these days of hiding had felt like leading a double life. I was a liar and now I felt like it.
“I don’t want you feeling down, Son. We all make our own choices, right?
My and Eileen’s were good for a long time and then they weren’t.
It’s not foreshadowing your future.” He looked into my eyes like he could read my mind.
And he was close. Worry rose in me that the same fate awaited everyone, especially us.
If Eileen and Dad couldn’t work it out, were Asher and I doomed?
Were we destined to repeat our parents’ mistakes?
Again, that silence. I was drowning in it, but I didn’t dare talk about anything. My mind was swirling around Asher. He was upstairs, asleep, naked, wonderful. He had waited for me for too long to let something break us apart. That gave me confidence.
And yet, my careful nature was beginning to kick in again. I was contemplating all the possibilities, incapable of turning off my brain now. It had been good while it had lasted, all that time of not thinking.
“Tell me,” Dad said cheerfully. “Is there a girl you’re hiding from us?”
“A guy,” I muttered, snapping my jaw shut.
Fear flooded my chest as I looked up, meeting my Dad’s slightly surprised look.
“My bad for assuming,” Dad said with a smile. “Have you been keeping that for a long time?” There was some concern in his voice, but he handled it as lightly as Asher’s coming out.
I shrugged. “I figured you should know since we’re sharing stories and all.”
Dad focused on me, letting the pancake worry about itself. “You know it makes no difference, Jordan.” He licked his lips and put a hand over my hand. “I hope you weren’t keeping it a secret out of fear that I would…I don’t know, say something wrong.”
I shook my head. “It’s mostly been girls in the past,” I admitted. “I never felt like talking about it.” Because it was inseparable from the person I was in love with all these years. In love with. My heart jolted. “I knew you’d accept it like this.”
He winked. “There’s nothing to accept or refuse, Jordan.”
Dad was sort of the pioneer of the world in which I wanted to live. There wasn’t any need to come out or make a big announcement in his view. It was as simple as discussing your favorite flavor of ice cream.
We fell silent when Asher’s footsteps on the stairs announced his arrival.
He wore a sleeveless T-shirt with a low neckline that revealed the upper part of his chest and the beautiful valley between his pecs where, just a few hours ago, I’d had my tongue and lips.
His shorts were faded denim, the bottom edge rolled twice, revealing his smooth thighs halfway through.
The only way he could have been sexier was if he’d come down wearing nothing but some whipped cream on his nipples.
I’m hungry, I decided and imagined him resolutely without any whipped cream anywhere. That was even better.
Dad might have assumed he was the first to hear about my sexuality. For all his talk of nobody needing to care, he held his tongue. I was glad. I didn’t want Asher to have to act surprised or, worse, say he’d known for weeks.
“Morning,” Dad greeted him.
“Are those pancakes?” Asher asked. Suddenly, I wasn’t interesting to him at all. Nobody could compete with Dad’s pancakes.
Eileen still hadn’t shown up by the time we finished our mini breakfast. Asher and I retreated to our rooms and then met on the balcony to discuss the day’s plans.
Our plans were wildly predictable by now.
We would go to the lake and enjoy the peace and privacy it gave us.
And so we packed a basket with snacks and drinks and left the house behind.
We were lying on the pier, drying from a long swim, when I turned on my side and looked at him. Drops of water sparkled on his tanning skin. “I have to tell you something,” I began. “But you can’t freak out.”
“Tell me, or I’ll freak out,” Asher replied with urgency, turning on his side to face me, too. He lifted his dark sunglasses from his eyes. They looked great on him, but his eyes were infinitely prettier.
“Dad and Eileen are splitting up,” I said without ceremony.
Exactly the way I had reacted that morning, I watched Asher’s face brighten, and then his mood dampen. Two opposite feelings, yet equally true. “What? Why?”
“I don’t know,” I said, assuming he wanted me to elaborate. “I mean, they haven’t been great to be around lately. You noticed that, right?”
Asher bit his lip guiltily. “I, uh, was a bit preoccupied. I wasn’t paying attention.”
I snorted, but it felt good that he was focused on me so much so that an entire marriage in the house could fall apart and he wouldn’t notice. Fuck, I made myself seem like a villain.
“Don’t be so quiet,” Asher said. “Tell me what you know.”
“Since the night they arrived, there were cold looks between them, tired sighs. You know how it goes. Well, this morning, I discovered that Dad has been sleeping in the living room. He said a lot about people changing, but nothing specific.”
Asher narrowed his eyes in thought. After a short silence, he looked into my eyes with determination. “That’s not gonna happen to us, right?”
I shook my head. “I won’t let it.”
He pressed his hand on my chest and felt my heartbeat. I had my hand on his waist, enjoying the softness of his skin. After a long while, Asher pressed his lips together. “I hate this for them.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. If they’d stopped making each other happy, it was better to leave the marriage. What was the alternative? They would only grow resentful of the time they had wasted in misery.
“But for us,” Asher said and let the words trail off.
“I feel the same way,” I said.
Did it change anything, though? We hadn’t grown up together. We hadn’t truly been a family to one another before this relationship. Did the divorce change anything that their marriage had changed first?
“I came out to Dad,” I said quietly. “Don’t ask me why. I don’t know.”
Asher leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. He didn’t ask questions. Instead, he just whispered, “Good. I’m proud of you.”
I didn’t know I needed to hear those words until he said them.
But then, as he kissed me again, I rolled on top of him and kissed him harder.
This was a kiss that carried all the promises that we wouldn’t drift apart and change the way our parents had.
We could break the curse. We could be the ones who stood by each other and never let outside influences pull us apart.
If we’d managed to find a way to be together in the hardest circumstances, we could find a way to stay together after this.