Ares (De Bellis Crime Family #6)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

Iwonder what it would feel like to walk out into the water and let the waves engulf me. Wash me away. An offering to the ocean. A calmness comes over me at the thought. I bet it would be freeing.

It’s not so much that I want to die. I just want to not be… me. I want to get out of my own head.

Bringing the joint to my lips, I inhale as deep as I can while keeping my gaze settled on the dark blue water in front of me. The sound of the waves crashing as they break against the sand is the only thing I can hear. Well, that and the loud thoughts in my head that never go away.

Smoke billows out of my mouth. I watch it disappear into nothing and wish I could do the same. When a tear makes its way down my cheek, I swipe at it. I know how this works. One tear will turn into two, and two will turn into three. Then it’ll be a river and I won’t be able to stop myself.

Inhaling another lungful of smoke, I count to ten in my head.

It does nothing to make me feel any better.

I search the veranda and spot a yellow throw cushion on the sofa and a yellow umbrella folded up and leaning against the door.

Two yellow things. Yep, counting coloured things does nothing for me, but according to Google, it’s supposed to help.

The second tear falls. I stare back out at the ocean. Maybe I should try it. Just walk in and not walk back out.

Footsteps behind me have my shoulders straightening. I quickly wipe at my face, because one thing I won’t do is let anyone see me cry. I knew they’d find me here. I just thought I’d have more time.

I don’t bother looking back to see who it is. It doesn’t really matter. I knew someone would come for me. When a body sits down on the step next to the one I’m currently perched on, I know by the scent of the aftershave that it’s my grandfather.

He reaches over and snatches the blunt out of my hand. I forgot I was holding it. I probably would have put it out and hid it if I were thinking more clearly. I look at my grandfather and watch in shock as he takes a pull.

“It’s good stuff,” he says after blowing out a heap of smoke.

“Helps when you can afford the good stuff,” I tell him.

“And what would you know about not being able to afford anything, Zara?” he asks.

He’s right. I’m an heiress. Both of my parents come from old money.

Australia’s golden couple—that’s what the press calls them.

They blended two billionaire empires together when they married.

And me? I’m their youngest daughter, which makes me the little billionaire heiress with everything I could ever want.

My oldest sister, Kyla, got married and moved out, leaving me to have my parents’ full attention. Always. And they love hard. I know… How horrible it must be to have parents that care and love me, right?

I have no reason to feel the way I do, the constant state of sadness and depression. And yet, I can’t shake it. I know how lucky I am to be me. And still, I want to be anyone else.

“Nothing,” I admit to my grandfather.

“Want to tell me what you’re doing hiding out in your grandmother’s beach house?” he says. “And why your father is currently on a jet on his way up here looking for you?”

“I got expelled.” I didn’t want to see the disappointment on my parents’ faces, so I got on a flight and came here.

“On the first day of school? That has to be some kind of record. Want to tell me what happened?”

I shake my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I’m old, not stupid, Zara.” He puts the blunt out on the step. Stands and offers a hand to me. “Come inside. I bought food.”

I grab on to his palm and tug myself up.

Before I can take a step towards the house, my grandfather pulls me into a hug. “Don’t ever think you can’t run away here. This is your home too, Zara, and your grandmother and me? We will always be on your side, no matter what.”

I return his hug. “I know. Thank you.” As soon as I enter the house, I smell it. Mexican food. “You got burritos?”

“I did. Sit down. Eat and tell me what happened, so I know if I need to get a principal fired for expelling you or not.”

I pull out a chair at the dining table. “It was my fault, sort of.” I shrug. “I deserved it.”

“What’d you do?”

I look up at my grandfather. “Gramps, if I tell you, you won’t think of me the same.”

“You’re forgetting I raised your father, Zara. There is nothing you can do that will shock me or make me think any less of you,” he insists.

“How long do I have before he gets here?” I ask instead of answering.

“I’d say an hour.”

“Right, so enough time for me to get a new identity and disappear?” I joke.

“There’s nowhere you could run that he wouldn’t find you. Your parents love you.” My grandfather gives me a hard look. “Don’t go running away to anywhere that isn’t McKinley owned.”

“Good thing there’s plenty of those then. I have choices,” I sass. Having the last name McKinley opens a lot of doors. It also closes a lot of others. The thing is, I don’t deserve any of the wealth or the advantages that come with it. I’ve done nothing to earn this. I was simply born into it.

“Eat.” My grandfather points at the food.

I’m not really hungry but I pick at my plate, because if I don’t attempt to eat it, I’ll only get more scrutiny. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. You are going to be okay, Zara,” he says.

“I don’t know. This might just be the thing that gets me fed to the pigs.” I smirk.

“That would never happen and you know it,” my grandfather tells me.

It’s a running joke that my dad feeds his enemies, or really anyone who crosses him, to his pigs.

He got the habit from his Uncle Josh. I’ve never seen evidence to suggest there’s any truth behind the claims. Also, my dad does like to keep me nicely wrapped up in cotton wool, so nothing bad in this world can ever touch me.

I love my parents, and I’m grateful for them.

I just wish I could shake this feeling of not being good enough, the constant doubt, the sadness that threatens to drown me.

I can’t let them see my issues, though, which is why I do everything I can to put on a smile and carry on like everything is fine.

When the front door opens and heavy footsteps echo through the house, I know my dad is here.

“Zara McKinley, you better have a damn good reason for having me fly around the fucking country to collect you.” His voice is loud as he comes to a stop in the dining room.

I can’t look at him. The guilt eats at me. I shouldn’t have run. I just didn’t know what else to do. I needed an escape. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, keeping my eyes averted to the ground.

“Right, I’m heading out. Make sure you stop in and see your mother while you’re here, Dominic,” my grandfather says before he disappears.

My dad kneels in front of me, his fingers cup my chin, and he pushes my face upwards until my eyes meet his. I can feel the tears welling up, but I take a deep breath and try to hold them back.

“What happened?” he asks, his tone a lot softer now.

“I don’t know,” I admit.

“Okay, let’s try this then. Why are you smoking weed? And at school, of all places?” he presses.

I knew the school would have called him.

It wasn’t smoking weed that got me expelled, though.

“I was in the bathroom and I overheard some girls saying shit about me. I snapped. I came out of the stall and pushed one of them. The other one, I hit. A few times,” I explain, because I can’t tell him the reason I’m smoking weed.

That’s not a conversation I want to have with my parents.

I smoke to try to escape my thoughts. I’m not entirely sure it’s all that helpful.

I was fourteen when I first tried weed. I remember the day as vivid as if it were yesterday.

We were at a gala, some fundraiser my mum was involved in.

I found Ares De Bellis hiding out on a balcony.

He had a joint and offered it to me. Of course I took it, because I wasn’t going to look anything but cool in front of Ares.

He has an effect on me that no one else ever has. It’s something I refuse to acknowledge or let show. I can’t do anything about it, because I know if I did, he’d either reject me, which would not be great for my mental state, or he wouldn’t and then he’d figure out just how fucked up I am.

“Good. Fuck that school, Zara. You are a McKinley and you don’t ever have to turn a blind eye when someone disrespects you,” Dad says. “I’ve already enrolled you into Prahran High. You start tomorrow.”

“Public school? You’re sending me to public school?” My eyes widen.

It’s not because I’m opposed to it, but my parents have always fought my desire to go to that school. I stopped asking two years ago when it was evident they were never going to let me. I’ve always gone to private, all-girls schools.

I wanted to go to Prahran public because that’s where he goes. Ares. But that was years ago, when my crush on him was at an all-time high. Now, I do everything I can to avoid seeing him. We can’t be at the same school. He’s going to figure it out. He’s going to be able to tell I’m not okay.

Ares has a way of looking at me as if he can see right through my facade, and I fear if he looks long enough, he just might actually be able to.

“Yep, it’s where you wanted to go, right? Come on. Let’s go see your grandmother so I can get you home. Your mother is beside herself with worry, by the way,” Dad says, adding to my already enormous guilt.

“Sorry,” I mumble, following him out of my grandmother’s beach house.