Chapter 5
Chapter Five
When I get home, the house is empty, bar the staff.
I head straight for my suite. All I want to do is shower and get into bed.
It’s exhausting pretending to be fine all day, especially when someone like Ares is constantly watching me.
And then having Uncle Marcel turn up to take me for ice cream, a tradition he’s been doing since I started school thirteen years ago…
Technically, he’s not my uncle. He’s my dad’s best friend.
He is, however, Ares’s uncle, which I’m sure is the reason Ares was hovering today.
Uncle Marcel no doubt ordered him to watch over me, and in the De Bellis family, you don’t question orders.
You just follow them. Or from what I’ve witnessed over the years, that’s how I’ve seen it work.
After showering, I climb into bed and exhale, cocooning myself up in the blankets. I know I have a few hours before my parents get home. I can lie here and just be until then.
Closing my eyes, I let myself feel it. The sadness, the loneliness. And then the tears start. I don’t even try to stop them as I snuggle deeper into the covers and cry. I’m so tired I feel it in my soul. I just want to close my eyes and not wake up. And that thought scares me the most.
I know my mum and dad would be hurt if I were to go away.
I know it would hurt my sister too. But other than them, would anyone else care?
I don’t think so. Or if they did care, they’d forget me in no time.
I’ve done nothing in my life worthwhile to be remembered. Honestly, I don’t think I ever will.
What could I possibly do to make a difference? I’m an heiress. I’ll end up working at my parents’ companies, and I’ll continue to live a life of luxury I haven’t earned.
After almost an hour of crying, I finally stop and that’s when the guilt hits me. I should be happy. I should be out hanging around friends my age and not stuck in my bed on a Monday afternoon. I shouldn’t be feeling so worthless, when I have no reason to feel that way.
I know I have a blessed life. I know I’m better off than most people, and that’s why the guilt weighs down on me.
I honestly can’t remember a time I did feel true happiness.
I’m so alone in this. I can’t tell anyone.
I can’t let anyone see just how not okay I am.
I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am.
I look at the clock on my wall. I have to get up.
I need to wash my face and put on the show of being fine.
It’s for the best that my parents don’t know the thoughts in my head.
If they knew even some of them, I’d never be left alone again.
I wouldn’t put it past my dad to spend twenty-four hours a day watching me, to protect me from myself.
I’m not going to act on my feelings. At least, I don’t think I will. I just need to keep fighting within myself. I will get past this.
After washing my face and putting some drops in my eyes so they don’t look red, I head downstairs. Finding my mother in the kitchen. She likes to cook dinner, even though we have a full-time chef who happily works alongside her as her assistant for meal times.
“Hey, sweetheart. How was your first day?” Mom asks, a huge smile on her face.
Matching her smile and attempting to match her energy as well, I open the fridge and grab a bottle of water and a handful of grapes. “Good. It was school.”
“Yeah, but this school has boys at it. Any cute ones?” She waggles her eyebrows up and down.
My last school was all girls. My dad insisted that my sister and I attend.
Not that it made any difference. Kyla still ran off and married a New York mafia prince while my family was on holiday in Italy.
I should mention she was only eighteen. That’s why it was a shock and my dad literally wanted to kill her new husband.
“I didn’t notice any cute boys.” I shrug, lying because I spent the entire day noticing one boy.
“Really? Did you see Ares?” Mum presses.
“It’s impossible not to. He’s such a douche, walks around like he owns the whole school.” I roll my eyes.
“I think that’s a family trait. Your Uncle Marcel had that same arrogant air about him when I first met him, but when you get to know the family, you discover there is a lot more to them and there are reasons they’re so guarded,” Mum says.
“Come to think of it, your father was just as bad. But boy, did he look good even when he was an ass.”
“Gross.” My face scrunches up.
“Who was an ass?” My father’s voice booms as he enters the now-crowded kitchen.
“You were, when we first met.” Mum laughs.
“I was not an ass,” my father insists. After kissing my mum, he walks over and wraps me in a hug. His lips press against the top of my head before he steps back. “How was school?”
“It was fine,” I tell him, guilt seeping into my pores. There is no doubt my parents love me, and I love them. Again, blessed life.
“Just fine? Marcel take you out for ice cream?” Dad asks, even though he already knows the answer.
“Mhmm, Ares was not happy about that.” I laugh, remembering the look of shock on his face at finding out his uncle and I have ice cream dates.
“Who gives a fuck what Ares thinks about anything?” my dad grunts.
“Not me.” I lift a single shoulder up and down. “I’m going to do some homework. How long will dinner be?”
“About thirty minutes,” Mum says.
“Okay, smells good in here,” I tell her as I walk towards the door.
“You can have your car back tomorrow,” Dad calls out right as I’m leaving.
“Thanks.” I wave a hand.
I sound ungrateful. I’m not. I like my car, but I really didn’t care that he took it away when I got expelled either.
It’s hard to find the energy to care about much these days.
Having my car back just makes it easier to get around.
Although now I’m wondering why he’s giving it back.
It’s only been a day. I’m also not going to question it.
Instead of going back up to my room, I walk into the library and curl up on the sofa. This is one of my favourite spots in the house. I like to read. When I’m reading and stuck in a book, I’m living someone else’s life and not my own. It’s an escape from reality.
Not really feeling in the mood to read, I open Instagram and start scrolling. Before I can stop myself, I’m clicking on Ares’s profile page and now am staring at the most annoyingly handsome face I’ve ever seen.
God, I hate him and his perfect face. Even knowing how much I hate him, I can’t stop those damn bees that buzz around inside my stomach just at the sight of him.
A message pops up in my inbox as I’m scrolling. A message from Ares. I’d like to say I have the self-restraint not to open it. I don’t.
Ares:
Here’s one you can keep so you don’t have to keep scrolling through my old posts.
There’s a selfie of Ares with a stupid smirk on his face, right under the message. I drop my phone. Shit, how the hell does he know I was looking at his page? Another message pops up, and I look over at the screen that’s now sitting next to me on the sofa.
Ares:
You liked one of my pictures. That’s how I knew.
I didn’t. I would know if I did. I was super careful not to hit any of the little love-heart buttons.
Ares:
The nice thing to do would send a selfie back. You know, repay the favour.
Me:
You sending me a photo of yourself is not doing me a favour. But here’s one you can keep so you can stop staring at me in class.
I snap a quick picture, not caring at all how I look. I’m not trying to be appealing to Ares. Right now, my hair is up in a messy bun, minus my usual pink bow. My face is free of makeup.
Ares:
Hot!!
I roll my eyes. Like I said, I was not trying to be hot.
Logging out of the app, because I do not want to keep talking to the asshat, I start searching the shelves for a new book to start.
And then it occurs to me. It was a five-minute exchange, but the whole time I was messaging Ares, I felt…
something other than sad. I can’t pin what that feeling was, though.
Annoyed? Probably. He annoys me so much it overtakes the sadness.