20. Chapter 19
Arianna
Tucker had done the very best he could to protect me in that room, but as I slipped in the bathtub, wincing as my sore pussy connected with the warm water, I couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down my face.
I’d spent the past couple of years imagining what my wedding night would be like. I’d pictured the dress and decorations and party, but more than anything, I’d fantasized about finally getting to have sex with Tucker.
Leyla had given me the play by play when she lost her virginity, and every time she’d hooked up with a guy after that, but I just knew in my heart that it would be different with Tucker. He’d always been so gentle with me and made sure that my needs were met.
I honestly thought that while it might not be comfortable, he would be so gentle and take his time so that it was as painless as possible. That we’d stare into each other's eyes, and not only would our bodies connect, but our hearts would.
It was going to be the most magical experience a woman had ever had.
Now, I would have killed for the experience Leyla’d had.
It wasn’t Tucker’s fault there was an audience to watch me get deflowered. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t take his time and just got it over with as quickly as possible. I’d told him to, and he did exactly as I asked.
But that didn’t make my heart hurt any less. It didn’t make me resent him for the image in my head of a perfect night being ruined.
I had to make sure I cried silently so that he wouldn’t hear. Even with the door locked and me telling him I wanted to be alone, I felt positive that he was sitting on the other side of the door and if he heard me crying, he’d burst his way in to comfort me.
When the twenty minutes was up, I did as Leyla said and hopped in the shower to wash off, then dried myself with one of the fluffiest towels ever.
Now that I was clean, it occurred to me that I hadn’t brought any of my things to his room before the wedding, so when I saw the comfy pjs, granny panties, and a pad sitting on the counter, I almost chuckled in relief. Leyla had brought everything I’d need and made sure I was taken care of.
Briefly I wondered if I could get away with sleeping on the bathroom floor so I didn’t have to face Tuck again so soon, but not only would it not work, it wouldn’t be fair to him.
He hadn’t done anything wrong. It had been his first time too, and he’d been ridiculed by one of my fathers men because of it.
Fuck.
I’d been so wrapped up in my own emotions, I hadn’t even thought about how he must be feeling.
Opening the door, I saw Tucker sitting on the couch in nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants, his head hanging in his hands. His head snapped up when he heard me start moving towards him, the redness in his eyes telling me that I wasn’t the only one crying.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Ari. That is not at all how I wanted our first time to go. I wanted to show you how much I cherish you. How much you mean to me. Not have a bunch of horny men watching and getting off on it.”
I crossed the room and straddled him, taking his face into my hands and pressing a kiss to his lips as my thumbs wiped away his tears.
“It’s not your fault, Tuck.” It wasn’t fair to either of us, but we didn’t have to let that moment be the wedding night memory we’d have forever.
Though, I was sore as hell so I’d be sticking to Leyla’s no sex for twenty-four hours advice.
“We signed the marriage license before the wedding, but we don’t think of it as the moment we got married.
That memory is of the moment the priest announced us as husband and wife.
So why can’t we think of what happened in there like signing the marriage contract?
It was the legal part, but not the actual first time we have sex. ”
“You can do that? You can forget about what happened and we can have a do-over?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that, but I can agree with us doing it right and trying to use that memory in place of it as our first time.” I felt him harden beneath me. “Tomorrow. I’m too sore right now to try again.”
Tucker leaned his forehead against mine and let out a sigh. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too, Tuck. Now, let’s go to bed and try to sleep. As soon as brunch is over tomorrow we’ll be on our way out of this hellhole headed to Barbados.”
Climbing into bed, Tucker’s arms wrapped around me, I fell asleep and slept better than I had in my whole life. No matter what the future held, I knew that Tucker would have my back.