. . . a travel buddy #2
I’ve known him for a day. Not even a whole day – an afternoon and night.
A night where I came back here because I had no real other option.
But today I do – there are enough apps and websites around that I could find somewhere new within an hour if I really wanted.
And, yes, it would be a cash loss, especially since my last place was non-refundable, but I’ll get paid eventually.
It’s got to be safer than staying with a stranger.
‘I could be a serial killer,’ I say.
‘Are you?’ he asks plainly.
‘No. Are you?’
He laughs. ‘No. So that’s that sorted, then. Will you stay?’
So, I’m not in physical danger, sure. I do believe Noah is most likely harmless.
But there is still a real threat . . . I feel it burn inside me every time I cast my mind back to what we almost did last night.
I barely managed to separate myself from him then; it took every ounce of self-restraint I had.
Now I’m depleted. If something else were to happen, I don’t know if I could be the bigger person and resist. And if the two of us continue to live under the same roof, I am putting myself in a very treacherous position.
‘It’s not a good idea,’ I say.
‘Why?’ he asks. ‘My place not up to your clearly very high standards?’
I roll my eyes and he smirks at me.
‘I don’t see what the issue is. It’s super central, you save on rental costs and – like you said – it’s safer.’
I think about leaving – walking out that door and once again being alone. My chest grows tighter as I run through a slew of gruesome possibilities.
‘But what about after?’ I ask before my brain can stop me.
His eyebrows knit in confusion. ‘What do you mean “after”?’
‘After the three days – after you leave Brussels,’ I fret, trying to steady my breaths once more. ‘You’ve promised three days of safety, sure, but then you go and I’m alone all over again.’
I imagine my face on the news and Sara and Paige’s tears as we lose yet another member of our family.
Sara spent years piecing us all back together after we lost Mum so suddenly.
She stepped up when no one else could and she was only sixteen.
I feel like she’s only properly started living for herself over the last three years and even so, I still live with her.
I can’t reset her progress again. The whole thing overwhelms my brain so much that it starts to darken with the thoughts.
‘You were always gonna be alone – you’re solo travelling.’ He tries his best to reassure me.
It doesn’t work. I grow dizzy, my face drooping in panic.
‘I can’t do this.’
‘Yes, you can!’
He shuffles closer. I feel his fingers flutter hesitantly as they make contact with my skin, grazing it lightly in fear before deciding to commit.
‘Look how far you’ve got already!’ His grip grows tighter. ‘I mean, it takes a certain type of bravery to accost a stranger for a date in broad daylight.’
My eyes dart up on instinct. ‘When I asked you for coffee, it was not . . . I didn’t . . . You just assumed that . . .’
My words jumble and I feel my face scrunch up at the insinuation, but when I look back at him, he’s grinning deviously.
‘There you are,’ he says fondly. ‘All it took was a little riling up.’
His smile melts softly, mine curving to match. We stay there for a moment, held in a silent, tender bubble. It sends a shot into my heart that ripples out and slowly fills each crevice of me with a warm fuzz.
‘Travel with me.’
It leaves my mouth before I realise I’ve said it, my eyes sparking with concern in time with his own.
‘What?’ he asks, dropping my arm.
He’s shocked, and rightfully so. Where did that come from? I take a deep breath and let my words take over from my brain.
‘Think about it,’ I say. ‘We’ve pretty much ruled out any possibility of us happening, but that doesn’t mean we need to say goodbye.
’ My brain starts whirring with ideas as I sit up straighter.
‘I need to date. I don’t know how. But you said you do!
And you want a relationship – I was in one for five years!
Not only could we help each other, but we could also circumvent all the sucky parts of solo travel. It’s genius!’
I look towards him. He’s speechless, so I continue.
‘Where are you going next?’
‘Rotterdam,’ he says, stunned.
‘Perfect. I’ll go too,’ I say, slapping my thighs.
‘Amorie.’ His voice is hesitant.
‘I’m serious!’ I say. ‘It’s the perfect solution. We’ll be on our own journeys together – solo travel without the stress.’
I look frantic, I know, but I can’t help myself.
A new fire has been lit under me. Staying with Noah may have its own set of worries, but all of them beat constantly fearing for my life.
He’s been so good to me so far, and, yes, we had that little blip last night, but I can forgo my urges in exchange for added security.
Who cares if he’s cute and has nice eyes, and looks particularly sexy as he chews the inside of his cheek while he mulls my offer over?
I evolved and I have willpower, and I will be dating many cute people over the next few months.
He looks back at me with concern. ‘But you just got to Brussels and I leave in three days. That’s not fair to you.’
‘That’s plenty of time to explore the city,’ I say, lying, the excitement of this coursing through my body on high. ‘Come on, Noah – it’s perfect! You’ll teach me how to casually date and I’ll teach you what it takes to stick in a long-term relationship.’
I hold his gaze, willing him closer and trying to silently convince him that this is, in fact, a fantastic idea.
‘It’s crazy,’ he says.
I feel my body deflate. Of course he doesn’t want to go round Europe with a girl he met a day ago. That’s a perfectly sane response – truly, incredibly rational, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting.
‘You’re right, sorry, forget it.’ I keep my eyes down, reach for my laptop and start to retreat back to my room to browse cheap hostels. But he stops me as I stride past him, his hand reaching to grab my arm. I feel my heart skip at the contact and turn back to face him.
‘Hey, I said it was crazy,’ he says. ‘But I didn’t say no.’
His lip is curled, eyes alight as he looks up at me and sets my hopes aflame yet again.