Chapter 5
Declan
My assistant never came to work today.
It’s the first time since I hired Casey that she didn’t show up.
She’s taken PTO, but this is different.
I can’t concentrate. All afternoon, I keep thinking about her. I’m such a wreck. My brain’s a mess. This is why I avoided crossing that line for so long.
When she was younger, it was easy to act like she didn’t exist.
There were the occasional status reports, but otherwise?
Casey was just a project humming away in the background.
But now she’s addictive and dangerous.
I never should have hired her. That was my first mistake. Life was fine when I kept everything compartmentalized. Work, family, Casey…
Then I never should have opened that box, never should have pictured what she’d look like in lingerie, never should have imagined her squirming with pleasure as I slide that vibrator deep into her pussy…
This has always been my problem.
I have to be disciplined. I learned that at a very young age. If I’m not, my broken brain will run in circles, obsessing and fixating, and I won’t be able to function.
Which is why everything must be in its proper place. My apartment, my work, my entire life.
Otherwise, chaos destroys me.
Taking Casey out to dinner last night broke all my rules.
I knew it while it was happening, and I still couldn’t stop myself.
It’s too soon. But when I heard her explain why she bought all those sex toys, I couldn’t stop myself.
I had to make her feel better.
Now I can’t concentrate on anything else.
I give Casey her space and leave her alone.
Internally, I process her absence as a sick day, and nobody questions it.
I spend the afternoon at my desk, listlessly trying to answer emails while I keep coming back to the memory of last night with my assistant.
The way she moaned as I got down on my knees in front of her. The taste of her orgasm… the desperate way she whispered sir… the feeling of her licking me clean after finishing in her mouth.
Fuck, it kills me.
I force myself to stay for the full day before finally leaving at six. Instead of going back to my apartment where I’m sure to spend the night smelling what’s left of her scent on my sheets like a sick freak, I decide to skip all that and go to my parents’ house instead.
The Whelan family home is a sprawling building deep in our personal territory. I’m intensely aware that every street I drive down is owned by either my father or someone who works for my father. Skyscrapers, strip malls, corner stores, it all comes back to the Whelans.
And for the past few years, our power has only grown and consolidated as we’ve made strategic alliances among the other powerful criminal organizations.
My mother greets me in the kitchen. Siobhan Whelan looks good for her late sixties. Her hair’s lightening and going gray, but she’s still got a touch of her signature red. She kisses my cheek with a charming smile. “You’re the first one here tonight. Your brothers are still on their way.”
“I’m always the first one, Mother.”
“I know, but I like pointing it out sometimes. You deserve the credit.” She pats my arm lightly.
I look back toward the stairs. “How’s he doing today?”
“Not well, honestly.” Her smile disappears. Her fingers dig into my arm. I don’t think she even realizes she’s doing it. “He’s in some discomfort. I told him to stay in bed.”
“I bet he hated that.”
“He absolutely did, but you know your father. He can’t turn me down.”
“That’s always been his best feature.”
She tries to laugh, but it sounds hollow and exhausted.
I’ve never seen my mother so drained before.
Siobhan Whelan is the light at the heart of our family. She’s the glue that holds it all together. She’s the hand that sets the course and the mind that keeps us pointed true. Without her, I think we’d all be lost.
And now it feels like she’s finally beginning to dim.
I hate it.
“I’ll go check on him.” I gently disengage myself from my mother’s grip and leave her in the kitchen. She needs a break sometimes. I keep trying to hire more help, but she refuses.
She says caring for her sick husband is her job.
But I think she’s been holding this family on her shoulders for long enough.
Let others take the burden.
I have a million other tasks that demand my attention and an executive assistant who is either going to marry me or run for the hills, but I will always put my mother and my family first.
The TV’s playing the Yankees game from the night before. Dad’s propped up against a bunch of pillows and he glances over as I enter the room. His face is so thin, like the skin’s stretched to its limits. I hate seeing him like this.
“They blew it again, didn’t they?” he grunts as I pull up a chair and sit beside him. “Wait, don’t tell me how it ends.”
“All I’ll say is you know the Yankees.”
He sighs and shakes his head. “The last season I’ll ever watch and I don’t think they’ll even make the playoffs.”
“Don’t say that.”
“You’re right. They’ll make it.” He smirks at me, eyes narrowing. Despite how physically frail he’s become, the man is still just as sharp as ever. “How’s your mother seem? You talk to her before coming up here?”
“She’s tired. Worried about you.”
“Yeah, that woman can worry about the entire world and never let it get to her. But I get sick and it’s like—” He sighs and throws up his hands when another Yankee strikes out. “Swing the bat, you idiot! At least swing!”
“She just wants what’s best for everyone.”
“I know that.” He sinks further into the pillow. “You know what’s funny? I always thought it would be fast. I never figured I’d make it this long. Not with the life we live.”
“The family’s different now. Less danger. More power.”
“Don’t let the power blind you, Declan. There is always danger, no matter how strong we are.
That’s why it’s never enough.” He lets out an ugly, hacking cough and spits something bloody into a tissue.
“Fucking prostate. God, sometimes I wish it was a gun, you know? Instead of an ass tumor filling me up with all this shit.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“You’re too uptight sometimes, Declan. It’s not good for you.”
I frown at him. “Someone’s got to be the responsible one.”
“Yeah, I know.” He gazes at me for a long moment. “Maybe we shouldn’t have named you heir so young. Maybe we should’ve given you time to live. It’s always been a lot.”
“I could handle it.” Which is the truth.
I took to the family business more than any of my brothers did.
Seamus runs the streets, Cormac’s got his killing, and Finn drifts around and tries to make everyone happy, and then there’s me.
The adult in the room. Getting business done, because otherwise, who’s going to make sure the soldiers get paid and the lights stay on?
“I know, and that’s why you’ll become the new boss when I’m gone, but even still. I just wish…” He trails off and loses himself in another coughing fit.
We don’t talk business after that. Instead, we watch the game together, my father for the first time, and me for the second. When the center fielder hits a two-run homer in the ninth to win the game, Dad laughs and looks at me with an enormous smile.
“You kept that ending close to the vest, didn’t you?”
“Wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Fucking Yankees.” Dad grunts and adjusts himself. He looks tired, his eyelids fluttering. “Tell me something. I’ve been wondering. You still hung up on that girl?”
“Casey Brennan.”
“Right, the Brennans. Good family. Strong people. Dead a long time though.”
“Why are you bringing them up now?”
“I just know how seriously you take that deal we made back then, but I keep telling you. The Brennans are dead. Murdered and gone. Whatever deal I had with them doesn’t matter anymore. I keep telling you.”
“A deal is a deal, Dad. Besides, I’m already moving forward with her.”
“With Casey?” He squints at me. “That’s your problem. You’re too rigid. You need to live a little.”
“I am living. And soon I’ll be living with my new wife.”
“Believe me, in the end, sometimes it’ll be about what you didn’t do… more than about what you did…”
I leave him at that. I don’t want to talk about Casey anymore. We’ve argued about it enough over the years and Dad has made it clear that he thinks I’m insane for sticking to a plan nobody cares about anymore.
Except I care. Even more than I ever did.
I head back downstairs but pause in the hallway.
Nobody notices I’m watching. Mom’s in the living room with Seamus and his wife, Alina, while Cormac and his wife, Bianca, are cooking dinner together in the kitchen.
The grandkids run around, laughing and chasing each other, while Finn chases after them.
It’s a nice picture. I’m happy for my brothers. Both Seamus and Cormac found love and have built good lives for themselves. My father might think I’m being difficult, sticking to a dead and gone promise, but it gives my life meaning. In the same way those children enrich their parents.
My phone rings before I can join everyone. I hesitate, prepared to send it to voicemail, but I stop and stare.
Casey’s name appears on the screen.
She never calls my cell. Not unless it’s an emergency. I’ve made that extremely clear over the years. This number is off limits for normal workday problems.
I answer, my heart skipping in my chest. “Hello, Ms. Brennan. You didn’t come to work today.”
“Declan, it’s Natalie. I went to her apartment… I went there and she’s…” The panic in her voice immediately rings a thousand alarm bells in my head. I’ve never heard her like this before.
“Slow down. Tell me what happened.”
“I’m at Natalie’s apartment… Declan, oh my god, there’s blood… there’s blood everywhere…”
She’s sobbing inconsolably.
I try to get her to talk, but she’s not making any sense.
“I’m coming,” I snarl into the phone, already running for my car. “I’m coming, Casey, just wait for me.”