Chapter 20
Casey
It’s like I’m sinking into a hole.
I keep thinking I should get up and go somewhere. I can’t just hide out in my old bedroom for the rest of my life.
But every time I try to move, it’s like my body’s trapped.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
My life used to make sense. Sure, things have worked out for me. I’ve gotten opportunities, scholarships, internships, fellowships. But I’ve also missed out on chances and spent my young adulthood chasing after one failed relationship after the next.
But now it’s like all of that is tainted.
Everything I’ve done, all the choices I’ve made, it’s all somehow twisted.
From the start, I was promised to him.
And they all knew.
I keep thinking that, over and over, letting it really sink in. They all knew. Sheila, Declan, probably the entire Whelan family. My parents set it up, back in the day.
Now he’s claiming me like I’m some blank check with his name written at the top.
I hear voices downstairs. I hear footsteps on the stairs. I can’t really make sense of anything until the door opens and he comes into the room.
Declan stares at me, standing a few feet away. Sheila’s not around.
My husband’s eyes are sunken and his shoulders are slumped.
I should be angry. Rage should fill me like a storm.
Instead, I just feel empty.
“That’s why you hired me, isn’t it?” I stare at him, aware I should probably start somewhere else. But I keep coming back to that.
Tension radiates from his body. He only nods. “I wanted to keep you close.”
“Right. Sure. Since you claimed me.”
“I never claimed you, Casey.” His voice is rough and raw. Like he’s been shouting for the past hour. I notice his eyes are bloodshot and his clothes are rumpled. I’ve never seen him looking so broken before. “You were never mine.”
“But my parents promised me to you, right? They made some deal with your family.”
His face twists at that word family. “It was a long time ago.”
“You took it seriously.”
“Nobody else did.” He comes to me. I shrink back, afraid he’ll touch me, but he only slumps down onto the edge of the bed.
His back is tense and rounded as he leans his elbows on his knees.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It wasn’t relevant. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“You could’ve given me the choice.”
“I already did. Senesi forced my hand. I planned on doing this differently, but…”
“But a box of dildos and lingerie ended up on your desk and you just had to fuck me that night.”
He lets out a long breath. “Yes, Casey. I had to fuck you.” The pain mixed with pure desire in his voice is like a hammer to my chest.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
He leans forward, his face in his hands. “Everything happened.”
“Declan?” I move toward him. He’s breathing deeply and slowly. “What’s wrong?”
“My father.” He sighs, lifting his face up, and looks at me. His stare is bleak and shattered. “He’s dead.”
Silence fills the space. I open my mouth in shock. I knew it was coming—we all knew it was happening soon—but there’s a difference between before and after. We were living in the maybe and the probably, but now we’re firmly in the definite.
“I’m so sorry.” I hesitate. I’m still angry with him. There’s still so much I want to know.
But this is bigger than me and him. Now that his father’s dead, a whole new level of responsibility was just dumped onto his shoulders.
There’s still the way he looks at me, with pure devotion and desire. Yes, Casey. I had to fuck you. Like he tried so hard to control himself, but finally broke down despite everything.
I put a hand on his shoulder. He leans toward me. I move closer and take some of his weight. He’s not crying—I don’t think a man like him could cry even if he wanted to—but he seems so broken and drained.
I doubt he’s ever been so vulnerable before. And I doubt he’d ever let this pain show around anyone else.
“It’s alright,” he says through his teeth. One arm wraps around my shoulders and pulls me against him. “It’ll be okay. The family’s going to survive.”
“But what about you? I know this means your life is about to change.”
“I don’t matter.”
“You do though. You have a choice. You have…” I shake my head and nuzzle in close. “It isn’t too late.”
“It’s been too late for a very long time, baby.”
I hug him tight. Even though I’m angry. Even though I feel like he’s been misleading me for years.
He needs me right now.
After a moment, I draw him down to the bed.
He pulls me tight to his chest, spooning me over the sheets.
His heat is like a furnace and his breathing is slow and steady.
I can feel how tired he is and I know there’s only going to be more sleepless nights and long days ahead.
He made it pretty clear that when his father passed, the Whelan Clan would be in a really precarious position.
But above all that, Declan’s still a man who lost his father.
Any normal human would grieve.
Despite how hard he tried, Declan’s a person. He’s got emotions, even if he struggles to bury them deep.
“What can I do?” I turn to face him. I brush my fingers across his cheek and kiss him lightly. A part of me wonders why I’m even doing this, but I can’t help it.
“Nothing. There’s nothing anyone can do.” He returns my kiss. “Life is going to change. I wish it wouldn’t, but it will. You should prepare yourself for that.”
I nod even though I don’t really understand what’s going to happen. “You can handle this. I know how hard you’ve already been working.”
He smiles slightly but says nothing. His arms hold me tight and I stay there locked against his muscular chest.
Wondering why I’m showing kindness to a man who I barely even know.