Chapter 14
Alina
Anoise pulls me from sleep.
I stare at the ceiling, heart beating fast. I’m not even sure why I’m awake right now. Seamus stirs next to me, but I can tell by his breathing that he’s still out. I roll onto my side, letting myself drift apart when I hear it again.
Something downstairs.
Instantly, I’m fully up and alert. I stare at the door, adrenaline slamming into my veins. But the more I sit in silence and listen, the more I’m not sure whether I actually heard something or not. Could it have been a dream? That’s happened to me before.
I know Seamus would want me to wake him up. But I also know he’d use my worry against me. I can almost picture him smirking at me and casually saying how if I’m so afraid of every little noise at night, we should move to his place since it’s so much safer.
Screw that.
I don’t even hate his house. I’m happy to split time with him. I don’t want to be difficult and unfair. It’s more that this marriage is happening a lot faster than I anticipated and it’s leaving me feeling extremely unsettled.
Random murders do that to a girl.
Quietly, I slip out of bed. I walk lightly to the door and pause, listening to see if Seamus is going to wake up. He doesn’t react when I move out into the hallway.
The stairs are quiet. Downstairs is dead.
All the lights are off. The fancy smart smoke detectors glow as I pass, giving me a little visibility.
The kitchen is wreathed in darkness and the city outside my windows glitters.
It’s a little past two in the morning, and New York is slowing down for the night.
I’m being stupid. Seamus’s worries are making me paranoid. I understand all too well how dangerous our family businesses can be, but that usually doesn’t extend to people like me.
I’m outside the lifestyle. I don’t have anything to do with Morozov activities. Most men living that life understand there are certain lines they shouldn’t cross if they want to protect the people they care about.
Wives and daughters are usually off-limits.
But since I was used in an arranged marriage to create a more solid mafia alliance, does that mean I’m a valid target now?
The living room feels cold. I hug myself, not sure when it got so chilly. A breeze kicks up the edge of my pajamas. I’m about to head back when I notice one of the windows is open. They don’t push out all the way, just enough to let in some air.
I don’t remember touching them. Seamus must’ve cracked it earlier and forgot to pull it shut.
I walk over to close it when something catches my eye.
It’s a piece of paper. Thick cardstock, folded in half to form a tent.
My name’s written on one side.
It’s propped up on the sill beside the open window.
And I know for a fact that it wasn’t there earlier.
Another chill runs down my spine. This time, it’s not from the breeze. I look around in a panic, but nothing’s moving. There’s nobody else in here. I’m all alone.
I feel like someone’s watching as I pick up the note and look inside.
Do You Want To Leave Him?
I stare at the bizarre message. It’s written in blocky letters. I don’t recognize the handwriting. It’s not signed by anyone.
Only those words.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who would leave this for me? I can’t even begin to think of who would break into my apartment just to leave this strange little question.
It makes no sense.
“What’s going on?”
Seamus’s voice makes me yelp. I jump and hide the note behind my back without thinking. He’s standing over in the hallway, squinting over at me, wiping his face blearily. Before he comes closer, I bend down and tuck the note behind one of the couch cushions.
“Nothing. Couldn’t sleep.”
He drifts toward me. He’s shirtless and wearing a pair of cotton joggers. They cling to his muscular legs. In the half-light from the city, he looks like a vengeful demon lord. Like an incubus sent here to break me.
I should tell him about the note.
Someone definitely broke in here to leave it for me. It could be connected with the murders.
But I don’t say anything.
Maybe because of what it says.
Because it’s about him.
And a part of me doesn’t know how to answer it.
“Everything okay?” He stands at the edge of the living room, looking at me carefully. He’s waking up now.
“Totally fine.” I pull the window shut with a light thud. “I just needed some air.”
He seems more curious than suspicious. “Do you do this often?”
“Not really. But I like the view.” I glance at the buildings and see him coming closer in the reflection in the glass. “It’s just been a stressful few days, that’s all.”
“I know I haven’t made things easier.” His voice is low and soft. He’s very close to me now. I can feel the heat from his bare chest. “I don’t like being controlling. That’s not my personality. I prefer to let things be as they are.”
“I know it’s been a tough situation.”
“I’ve never been responsible for someone before.” He sounds almost pained. “I’ve never cared enough.”
I glance back at him over my shoulder. He’s staring at me, ruthless and unrelenting. There’s hurt in his eyes.
“I find that hard to believe. You’re a good-looking man. I bet you’ve had a million girlfriends.”
“For a night or two.”
“You’re seriously telling me that I’m your most serious relationship?”
I get a very small smile. “You better be. We’re married, remember?”
“You know what I’m saying.”
“I’ve never been with a woman long-term before you.”
I open my mouth to protest, but I don’t think he’s lying. I honestly can’t judge him for it. Alex was my most serious relationship before Seamus, and he was barely more than a fling.
That seems like forever ago.
“You don’t have to be so worried. Whatever’s happening with your family probably has nothing to do with me.”
“A man was killed during our wedding.”
“Yeah? And?”
“How many couples do you know that started out with a murder?”
“Good point.”
“I’m just trying to say that I understand why you’d be unhappy with me right now. I’m only asking you to try seeing this situation from my perspective.”
I take a deep breath and fully face him. He’s so close and beautiful. I want to put my hands on his chest, but I hold myself back.
“I can try.”
“I can’t ask for more.” He reaches forward and brushes something off my shoulder. I hiss in a surprised breath as a fuzzy drifts down toward the carpet. His touch lingers, fingers brushing up against my neck.
My mouth opens as I meet his gaze. “What are you doing?”
“You said you couldn’t sleep.”
“That’s not your problem.”
“All your problems are my problems now, princess.” His fingers touch my cheek. I lean into them, vibrating with how badly I want this. “Do you want me to help you get back to bed?”
“I can find the way on my own.”
“That’s right. Fuck the world. It’s you against everyone.”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“No?” He bends forward, lips brushing across my ear. “Then let me in.”
I turn and meet his mouth with mine. The kiss sears pure bliss into my spine. He pulls me tight against him, and his heat burns into my core. Desire pulses down along my skin as I melt into his touch, hungry and buzzing, needing him more than I ever thought I could.
It’s the darkness. It’s the stress. Or maybe it’s just that I find him so attractive.
Either way, I let him guide me to the couch, let him lower me down and undress me, his mouth finding my neck, nibbling softly, finding my lips, biting lightly, before moving down to my bare breasts.
I’m gasping and whimpering as he licks and sucks my nipples, chewing on them so gently it’s almost too much, as his right hand slowly strokes my pussy over my underwear.
“You should be impressed,” he says, tugging my panties off and throwing them aside.
“Yeah? With what?”
“My restraint.” He kisses me, index finger rolling up and down my wet slit. “Looks like you’ve been holding back too.”
“Just a physical response.”
“Means nothing, right?”
“Exactly.”
“Good. Then you won’t mind if I don’t stop.” He slides his fingers inside me, and I gasp, arching into him. He buries my moans with a kiss, teasing me and fucking me with his fingers.
“You know the more we do this, the more we complicate things, right?”
“Who needs simple?” He licks my nipples before moving down to my aching core.
His mouth works around my wet slit then licks around my clit.
I moan, and it feels so fucking good. “I like complicated. I think complicated is more fun. I’m the kind of man who can roll with anything.
” His fingers slide in deep as his mouth does its filthy work on my swollen bud, and my eyes roll back as bliss hammers down my spine.
I don’t care about anything else but him right now. I want to roll and roll against his mouth. I want to scream his name. There’s nothing else but pleasure and need hammering into my chest over and over. I’ve been so pent-up and frustrated lately, and this is exactly what I’ve needed.
“Every day I think about this,” he whispers, pulling back.
I whimper, melting like a needy puddle. He smirks, and it’s the most glorious thing in the world.
His lips are wet from me. “How badly I fucking want you, Alina. How badly I want to corrupt your perfect little body. You walk around so stuck-up and stubborn like you’ve never gotten dirty in your whole life, and all I want to do is make you fucking filthy. ”
“Then do it,” I groan, back arching.
He stands and tugs off his pants. I drop to my knees in front of him, helping to get his boxer briefs off.
His dick is so hard he’s like iron in my hand as I stroke him.
His fingers lace into my hair, and he pulls me closer to his tip, pressing it against my mouth.
I open, whimpering, and suck him slowly before he slides himself deeper.
“That’s a bad fucking girl,” he groans, tightening his grip in my hair. “Take it all the way. Don’t be shy. Don’t be fucking clean. Go ahead and gag. Let your spit roll down my shaft.”
I’m humming with bliss. I’ve never been talked to like this before. And in the back of my head, I know I’ve always desperately wanted permission to act out my wildest, dirtiest fantasies. I’ve always wanted to feel sexy and slutty. Seamus makes me feel safe enough to let loose.
I suck him deeper. I gag just like he said, but that doesn’t stop me.
I suck him, sloppy, stupid, stroking his cock with both hands and using my spit.
He loves it, responding with the most masculine and sexual groans I’ve ever heard.
He’s in bliss like I am, and I feel incredible.
I don’t have to overthink, don’t have to worry what he thinks or what I look like, because none of it matters.
I’m here on my knees with his massive dick in my mouth.
I don’t have to be in control. I can lose myself in him. For once, there are no schedules or worries. No obsessions or pain.
There’s only the desire to keep going.
He pulls me back and hammers his mouth to mine. He kisses me deeply as he drags me down to the couch, pulling me into his lap. His tip presses against my soaking entrance before I slide down, taking him inside of me with a whimper.
His size stretches me to the limit. I arch, feeling him go deeper.
His mouth finds my nipple and sucks hard as his other hand slaps my ass.
“Ride faster,” he commands, and I do what he says.
“That’s a bad fucking girl. A filthy, dirty, beautiful fucking girl.
” I grind against him, moaning like crazy.
“You like being my little toy, don’t you?
You want to get fucked and filled by me.
You want to take my cock again and again until you’re ruined, don’t you? ”
“God, yes,” I gasp, kissing him, grinding down and riding harder. “Please, keep going.”
He squeezes my ass and thrusts with my rhythm.
I feel like I’m going to break as we keep going, the couch shaking, my wetness rolling down his shaft, but before I can finally shatter, he pulls me off and shoves me aside.
I gasp in shock, but he turns me over so my face is against the back of the couch, and he fills me from behind with one rough thrust.
“That’s my girl,” he whispers, pulling one arm behind my back so I’m pinned.
I’ve never been this out of control before in my life, and I love it.
He’s enormous, and everything about him is driving me wild.
“Taking my big dick and loving every single thick inch.” He strokes rough, hammering into my pussy from behind. “Tell me you want to come.”
“I want to come so badly,” I moan, pushing into him with every stroke.
“Tell me you want to be a good girl for me.”
“I want it, god, I want to be a good girl.”
“Then come for me.” He fucks me faster and reaches around to stroke a finger over my clit. “Come for me, baby.” He fucks me hard, a monster, a filthy beast filling me again and again, and I can’t take it anymore.
For once in my life, I obey his command.
I break into a million pieces. The orgasm rolls over me, and I come apart like an untangled knot. I bite down against the couch, and for a few seconds or maybe a few hours, I black out. There’s only bliss suffusing every corner of my skin.
But he doesn’t stop. He doesn’t hold back. Seamus strokes into me over and over until he meets me at the peak. He growls in my ear and tells me how sexy I am as he comes inside my pussy, his strong body going slack for a few seconds as he’s as ruined as I am.
We stay like that, just for a moment. Breathing hard, naked, damp with sweat. Exhausted and perfect.
Until he slides out and stands, pulling me into his arms.
I yelp in surprise. He lifts me like I’m nothing.
“What are you doing?!”
He carries me toward the stairs. “I told you I’d help you back to bed.”
“I didn’t mean literally! I can walk!”
He ignores me. I’m carried like I weigh nothing into our bedroom and deposited gently onto my side.
“Now sleep,” he orders, climbing in and wrapping his arms around me.
“But I need to pee first.”
He sighs and lets me hurry into the bathroom. When I’m done, he’s waiting. I think about putting on clothes and how I’ll have to change the sheets in the morning, and god, we left everything downstairs, and maybe I’ll clean the couch too—
But he’s giving me an impatient look, and I decide to put all that aside.
Let go for once.
I climb into bed, completely naked. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest, holding me tight.
I close my eyes and let myself relax, and I’m only dimly aware of the note still hidden downstairs in the couch.