Chapter 14
REGAN
“Sit still.” My mother tugs at my hair and I grunt in response, nearly dropping my phone.
“Mom, could you not?”
“I could, but I’m going to if you keep on squirming. I’m almost finished.”
I grumble something but quickly shut my mouth at the look Noreen gives me in the mirror.
She’s in a mood today and I don’t know why. Not that I have the emotional space to deal with it at the moment.
I’m currently occupied with my own issues around today’s wedding.
It’s strange, sitting in a chair in front of a massive mirror, wearing a white dress, looking exactly like a bride’s supposed to look, but not feeling like one. I know, at an intellectual level, that I’m getting married in a little over an hour.
But my gut says this is all wrong.
Not that I can stop it. And even if I could, what would I do? Go back to being single? Hating myself for what Kieren did to me? That guy can go to hell for all I care.
Though hitching myself to Liam Lankshear probably isn’t a reasonable reaction to getting cheated on.
“There. Finished. Take a look.” Mom sits back and allows me the dignity of movement for the first time in twenty minutes. I turn sideways and inspect her work in the mirror: a long braid, wavy, loosely done, with several white flowers and a complicated pattern on the base of my skull.
Frankly… it’s beautiful.
“Mom…” I catch my lip between my teeth and have to take a deep breath to keep from crying. For whatever reason, my reality hits hard all of a sudden.
I’m getting married to a man I barely know… and don’t particularly like.
A dangerous, violent man.
All because I’m a useful chess piece.
“Yes, sweetie, I know, I’m quite good.” Mom stiffly pats my knee. That’s about as expressive as she gets. “There's no reason to cry over my skills, darling.”
I laugh despite myself and wipe my eyes. “God, I’m going to mess up my makeup.”
“I’ll fix it if you do.” She makes me turn to face her and dabs at my face with some tissues. “There, not bad at all. You’re fine, right?”
“Mom…” I trail off. What can I say to her? Tell her that I’m cracking up inside? That I want to scream and scream and hope someone would come to help me, but knowing that nobody would? I’m a victim of my own life. I’m a prisoner in my own wedding.
“I know, Regan.” Mom’s back straightens. She gives me her severe look, but for the first time in my life, I think I can see something else. Something new… and vulnerable.
It terrifies me.
“There’s really no other option, is there?”
“I’m afraid not.” She fusses at my hair. “When your father told me, do you know what I said?”
Several options run through my head, mostly some variation of yes dear. My mother has known better than to mess with my father for the bulk of her life.
“Dad’s not easy to contradict,” I say as politely as I can.
Mom’s scowl deepens. “Regan, I told your father that he’s a stupid, pigheaded, psychotic piece of human refuse. I yelled in his face for ten long minutes. I made a scene, my love. My word, thinking of it now, I’m embarrassed. I raised my voice!”
I snort an undignified laugh. “God forbid! Did you really though?”
“I cut into that man harder than I’ve ever done in our marriage, and he took it. I think he knows, at some level, that this is a monstrous and difficult thing to ask of you. But do you know what he said when I was done?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“He said it was the only way he could guarantee your safety. In what’s to come… in these times…” She trails off, looking toward the door. “Well, now you see how I feel about all this, but there’s no changing it. Your father knows best, doesn’t he?”
“He certainly thinks so.”
“And I do too. If your father says this is necessary, then we’ll grit our teeth together and bear it.”
“You’re not the one marrying him.” It comes out an ugly, broken whisper, right on the edge of crying again.
“No, I’m not, and I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Did I ever tell you what my mother said to me the day before I married your father?”
“I don’t remember Grandma all that well.” My mom’s mother is a vague shape in my mind, an old-woman sized hole in my memory: white hair, dour expression. Very old country.
“My mother never spoke out of turn. It’s where I get my impeccable manners from.
But that night, she was positively morose.
She said to me, Noreen, you’re killing yourself, marrying that oaf of a man, but I can say this about him: he’ll take care of the family, that’s for sure.
I never got more from her, about what she meant or what she felt.
She was right about him though. He takes care of us and always will. ”
I turn to the mirror, trembling. I don’t feel like I’m being taken care of. If anything, I’m being sold like a used car, passed off and tossed aside because I had the gall to get cheated on by the golden child and promised man. Somehow, Kieren’s bad behavior is my fault.
This marriage is my punishment.
“Knock, knock.” Luke appears in the doorway to the bridal suite. “You ready, Regan? Mom, you did an amazing job as always.”
“Of course, dear, it’s what I do.” Mom stands. If she wants to talk more about my upcoming vows, she doesn’t show it. The perfect mask is back on. She walks away and kisses Luke on the cheek. “Deliver her to your father shortly. I plan on making sure this day stays on track.”
He mockingly salutes her. “Yes, ma’am, right away, ma’am.”
I swear, Luke’s the only person in the world that can elicit a smile from her no matter what. She walks off, shaking her head.
He comes over and sits on the couch against the wall. Luke’s in a black suit, tie impeccable, hair swooped back and a touch messy. He drapes an arm sideways and kicks his feet up, studying me.
“What?” I ask.
“You look nice.”
“Wow, thanks, what a ringing endorsement.”
“Seriously Regan. You look great. You nervous at all?”
“Not really.”
“Liar.”
“Yeah, I know.” I dab at my eyes one more time. “Bring me anything to drink by any chance?”
He puts a hand to his chest. “My stars, is the bride asking for alcohol before her happy day?”
“I thought men got shit faced all the time before their wedding.”
“That’s socially acceptable alcoholism.”
“No such thing. Where’s my drink?”
He produces a flask and tosses it over. I catch it, screw off the top, and sip. I let out a hiss. “Are you kidding me?”
“Cheapest vodka I could find.”
“Jesus, Luke.”
“I love that stuff. Don’t hog it.”
I pinch my nose and take another sip before closing the cap and tossing it back. He slips the flask away and watches as I compose myself. I hate the tension in this room, hate the way he’s waiting for me to break down.
I won’t do it. Even if I want to. I’m going to get through this day, and the next one, and the ones after that, if only to spite everyone who doubts me.
Oh, Regan Corrigan, the poor crazy girl who got dumped?
Luke makes a show of checking his watch and tapping the face expectantly. I wave him off, do my last minute prep, use the bathroom, and present myself at the door.
“Do me a favor, okay?” I ask as we step into the hall together. “Make sure the drop is long enough that my neck snaps.”
He grunts. “You have a sick sense of humor.”
“Didn’t realize I was joking.”
We walk together toward the chapel. The sound of milling guests echoes through the narrow halls. The ceremony is taking place at one of the biggest churches in the city, a fact my mother has made sure to tell me multiple times leading up to now.
“If it helps at all, I asked around about Liam.” He keeps his eyes grimly forward, not looking at me. “He’s hard to get a read on, but everyone I’ve talked to says some variation of the same thing. He’s solid. He’s dependable.”
“He’ll make a great husband?”
“Probably not, but he’ll be good to you at least.”
“God, sweep me off my feet now. I’m head over heels for good to me at least.”
“Come on, Regan. I know this is fucking crazy, but everyone’s trying—“
“Maybe that’s the problem?” I stop and turn on him, my heart racing into my throat.
“Everyone’s trying so hard to make this work instead of asking if we should be doing it at all.
Seriously Luke, your sister is about to marry a total stranger, all for dad’s business.
Isn’t that insane? Why are we all letting this happen? ”
He looks at the ground. For a desperate moment, I think he might agree, might even say something to help my situation. Maybe he’ll offer to get me the hell out of here. But instead, he only shakes his head.
“You don’t understand. It’s not Dad’s business… it’s the whole organization, Regan. This is going to change our life. You’ll see.”
If there was any hope left in me at all, it gets crushed under his lifeless expression. I gather myself, force a smile on my face to keep from throwing up, and slip my hand through Luke’s arm.
“Yeah, you’re right. It’ll be fine. I know it will.”
“Regan—“
“Let’s go, okay? Dad’s waiting and God knows Mom will literally murder me if we hold up her precious schedule.”
He seems like he wants to say something else, but instead we start walking. “You should’ve heard her comments about my tie. Apparently, it’s not the right color.”
“Monster.”
“Guilty.” He pats my arm as we step out into the atrium. It’s quiet now as the guests are gathered in the main room. Dad’s near the doors with the wedding planner. Piano music filters out. “You’ll be alright. I’ll see you when it’s over.”
“Yeah. I’ll see you.” I want to grip him, hold on to him, but he pulls away and walks off, pausing only to say something to Dad before slipping into the chapel.
Leaving me alone to face this nightmare.
I have a few quiet seconds to steel myself before my father comes over. He doesn’t look happy as he checks his watch and gets the move it sign from the planner. “It’s our turn,” he grunts briefly before fixing me with a hard look. “You’re good?”
Far from it. Good is a planet in some distant solar system. I see the light of good on a million-year delay at best.
“I’m fine.”
“Alright.” He awkwardly holds out an elbow. “This’ll be over soon.”
The wedding planner ushers us forward and pushes open the doors.
“People keep talking about this like I’m going to be killed.”
He grimaces as the crowd turns toward us. There are so many faces it’s overwhelming. I’m dimly aware of the sea of them, their attention like a weight drowning me.
“Nobody ever said marriage was easy,” he grumbles and starts forward down the aisle.