Chapter 7 Caroline
CAROLINE
Idon’t know why I keep coming back here.
Night after night, for an entire week, I show up to the apartment.
Finn’s never there. The money’s always waiting for me.
I clean a little, but mostly I swim in the pool and sit in the sauna.
I listen to music and watch movies on my phone.
I hang around for a couple hours before showering in the guest room and leaving.
Part of me thinks he’ll show up, but he never does.
I’m not sure why I’m disappointed.
Maybe I want to see him again before the wedding. The last time we talked, it didn’t end well. Probably because he’s a fucking crazy person who says he wants to hurt me and that he hates me for some bizarre reason. I don’t even know the guy.
But the more time that passes, the more I’m sure we need to get past our terrible first meeting.
We’re getting married. It’s happening. I can talk big all I want but there’s no way I’ll ever back out. Not knowing full well what my dad would do to me. There’s no plane in the world that could fly me far enough away to escape Eamon Flanagan’s wrath.
I might as well try to be civil to Finn. Even if he doesn’t deserve it.
I’m in a good routine after nearly two weeks of an empty apartment.
I enter through the front, toss my stuff in the kitchen, do a quick spot cleaning, and order something to eat.
I sit up in the pool area, watch TV, swim, sauna, all that good stuff, before leaving for the night.
Sometimes I do extra cleaning, but usually I don’t bother. Finn’s not going to notice either way.
But tonight, something’s different.
I step in through the front door and the lights are already on.
That never happens. I’m instantly on edge. I expect to see Finn’s cocky smirk at any second. “Hello?” I call out. “Is someone home?”
There’s a thump from upstairs and a door opens. I stare in astonishment as a woman comes down toward me.
She’s pretty. Probably in her early thirties. Thick, auburn hair, simple but expensive clothes. Big green eyes. She smiles big and I get a strangely warm feeling from her.
“Oh my god, I didn’t know you’d be here,” she says, stopping on the bottom step. “I am so, so sorry. I should’ve asked Finn—”
I laugh awkwardly. “No, it’s okay, I didn’t know he had a guest over.” Jealousy stabs into my chest. This woman is beautiful. She’s older and elegant in a way I’ll never be. It makes sense though. This must be the kind of woman Finn’s actually attracted to, not some random girl like me.
“What? No, Finn doesn’t know I’m here.” She waves a hand distractedly. “He’d never let me in his house. Are you kidding me?”
“Really?” I frown, squinting at her. “So you’re not, uh…”
Her eyes widen and she laughs. “Oh, shit, no, no, no, I’m not Finn’s girlfriend or anything like that. My name’s Casey. I’m married to Finn’s brother Declan.”
“Oh!” A strange wave of relief floods me. But why would I even care? I have no stake in who Finn’s dating. “You’re his sister-in-law. I’m Caroline.”
“I know. You’re the future wife.” Casey comes down the last step. She’s smiling sympathetically and she glances at the cleaning supplies and my bag with my swimming stuff. “Does he have you cleaning in here?”
“Sort of. Not really. It’s complicated.”
Her eyebrows raise. “Is it really?”
“I guess it’s not. He hired me to clean his apartment before I knew about our marriage and I guess he wanted to watch me and get to know me somehow?”
Casey sighs, shaking her head. “Sounds like Finn. Another game.”
“That’s normal for him?”
“I wouldn’t call anything he does normal, exactly.” She grins sheepishly. “But you’ll see. Anyway, I’m sorry I ambushed you like this. I just wanted to deliver a present.”
“Oh, that’s nice. Is it his birthday?”
Her laugh is light and comforting. She steps a little closer. “It’s not for him, actually. It’s supposed to be for you. I was just finishing up in there.”
“For me?” I stare at her, a little bewildered. “What? Why?”
“Finn told Declan you two would be living here after the wedding and I know how hard it is to marry into an arrangement, so I thought I’d do something nice for you.” She frowns a little. “Did I overstep? I can do that sometimes.”
“No, no, not at all, that’s really, really nice of you. I’m just surprised, is all.”
“Since you’re here, want to see it?” She gestures for me to follow.
“I hope you don’t mind but I put it in the master bedroom.
If history tells me anything, Finn’s not going to let you stay anywhere but with him.
” She rolls her eyes and glances back at me.
“Whelan men have a pattern, but you’ll hear that when you meet Alina and Bianca. ”
“Are they married to the other brothers?”
“Exactly right!” Casey chats about her fellow wives.
She has nothing but good things to say, which is really refreshing.
Her joy is almost infectious. I find myself relaxing with her, even if this is kind of bizarre.
She takes me into the main bedroom and gestures into the massive walk-in closet. “Check it out.”
This space is usually empty. I’ve vacuumed once or twice but I usually skip it. Now I step inside and straight ahead is an absolutely stunning vintage vanity.
It’s large and wooden, painted a grayish white, with a huge round mirror. Luxury skincare products cover the top. Casey shows me the nail stuff, the hair stuff, more than a few masks, and a bottom drawer of make-up.
“I didn’t know your color or anything so I just got it all.
” She beams at me happily. “What do you think? I tried to get you something that would be just yours. I know how it feels to move in with a strange man and get acclimated to his space. Now you’ve got your own little spot, even if it’s just this in a closet. ”
I gaze at the vanity and run my fingers over the top. My throat clenches with tears. I swallow them back. Crying means pain and I know better, but I’m deeply touched. “This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
Casey laughs like I was making a joke. But I really wasn’t. “Good, I’m glad you like it. If I knew you better, I would’ve gotten something a little more personal, but hey, we have plenty of time for that, right?” She slips her hand through my elbow. “You’re joining the family soon.”
“Right. The Whelan clan.”
“It’s not so big and scary, honestly.” She leads me from the closet.
I want to stay a little longer and soak in the kindness of her gesture, but I also want to spend more time together.
“The boys act all tough, but they’re devoted to each other and all of us.
You’ll see, Finn’s the same. He’s more aloof, a little more detached, but I think he’s good at heart. ”
“Are you sure about that?”
There must be something in the way I ask because Casey glances at me with some mild concern. “Did he do something?”
I shake my head quickly. “No, it’s not like that.
He just always seems like nothing bothers him, you know?
” I talk fast to cover up my discomfort.
I don’t want Casey to know about my arrangement with Finn, about the work I’ve been doing for him, about the night we spent together. It’s just too embarrassing.
“That’s Finn,” she says brightly. “I think he wears it like a mask. Alina thinks there’s nothing more to him. I guess you’ll find out, right?”
I bristle at the thought that there’s nothing more to Finn than an empty smile.
I caught glimpses of a man hiding behind that brutal facade.
I felt his passion and desire. I’m not sure why it bothers me, but the thought of people seeing only a goofy, worthless grin on Finn’s face and nothing past that is just wrong.
We end up down in the kitchen. She produces a bottle of wine and pours two glasses.
I ask her about the family and she goes on about her husband, Declan, the boss of the clan, and about Seamus and Cormac, the other two brothers.
She talks about becoming a mother and about all the babies running around.
“You’ll love Siobhan too. She’s an incredible woman.
I don’t know how she managed to survive with all these crazy men around her, but it’s like she’s really running the show. Or at least it used to be.”
“Is Finn close with his mother?”
“Probably as close as he is with anyone.” Casey takes a long drink and studies me. “What about you? Close with yours?”
I think of my mother, grinning stupidly and acting like nothing’s wrong, and the dark blot of my father, and the vicious laughter of my brothers. “Not really so much anymore.”
“Sorry to hear it. I was raised by my aunt. She’s an incredible woman. But I get it, family can be, uh, more than a little complicated, to put it mildly.”
“Feels like it’s getting more complicated all the time.”
She gives me a compassionate smile. “I know this is hard. Trust me, I know better than most people. I wish I could say it’ll be okay in the end, but…” She trails off hesitantly. “It worked out for me. It worked for Alina and Bianca too. But that just feels so lucky.”
“It’s okay, honestly. You don’t have to make me feel better.”
“Maybe it’ll work for you too. But if it doesn’t, you know that Finn isn’t in love with you, right?”
My eyes widen slightly. “I’m not sure that’s as comforting as you think it is.”
“Oh, shoot, I’m sorry, I just mean that you can work with him. Finn’s a reasonable person once you get past all the mafia bullshit. You can make a life with him, create a partnership.”
I stare down at the glass, heart skipping in my chest. “A partnership… that’s what I dreamed about when I was a little girl.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.” Casey touches my hand. “It’s not fair. I tried to talk Declan out of it, but this is how the family works. Marriage is an essential part of creating and strengthening alliances.”
“I honestly don’t care about my family’s alliances.
” I say it too fast and I instantly snap my jaw shut.
I shouldn’t have let that come out. I don’t know Casey, but she’s married to the big boss.
Her allegiances are squarely with the Whelans.
Any suggestion that I’m not necessarily a team player won’t go over with her.
I expect a rebuke, but there’s only more sympathy. “That doesn’t change much, does it? You’ll find a way to live with this. I can’t help you, but I can try to be your friend if you’ll let me.”
I nod slowly. “I’d like that,” I say even though I don’t trust her yet. She seems nice, but I’ve learned a hundred times over the years that looks can sure as hell be deceiving.
“Good. We’ll start there.” She beams at me and I try to relax, but I’m simmering on the inside.
None of this is fair and I wish there was some way I could get out of it.
I’d give almost anything to have my life back.
I was just starting to find my own way, starting to get a little independence from my family, and now suddenly they’re selling me like the pawn I’ve always been.
The door to the apartment opens. I look over in surprise as Finn comes striding into the room. He stops, an aloof, surprised smile on his face as he looks straight through me and at Casey.
“What are you doing in here? Declan send you to check up on me?”
She breezily goes over and gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Not at all. I was actually here to check up on her.” She gives me a meaningful look.
Finn’s smile doesn’t change, but I notice a tension in his shoulders. “I see you met my future wife.”
I grimace and look down. I don’t like those words, future wife.
“You’re being nice, right? Not working her too hard?”
“Nothing she can’t handle.”
Casey lightly punches his shoulder. “Be good, dickhead. She’s going through it right now.”
“We’re all going through it, Case. Thanks for stopping by.”
She looks like she wants to hang around, but only shoots me a last look before walking off. “Have a good night, you two!”
I wish she’d stay. Once the door clicks shut and I’m alone with Finn, his smile slips ever so slightly. The coldness underneath the smirk shines through. His eyes narrow, icy and dangerous.
“I didn’t know she’d be here,” I say quickly, trying my best to shrink into myself.
I’ve seen that look a dozen times before and it never precedes anything good.
I’ve learned to apologize, even if I’m not wrong, and to get very small.
The more pathetic I seem, the less likely they were to hurt me. Most of the time.
Finn’s smile disappears. He cocks his head to the side. “Why would you?”
“I’m just saying. I’m sorry I was talking to her.”
There’s a long pause. Then he walks into the kitchen. I shy away from him, heart racing, hating myself for this reaction. I feel utterly wretched. Why am I so afraid right now? Why do I keep seeing their smirking faces? Why can I feel every single scar like it’s fresh?
“You can talk to whomever you want.” He pours himself some wine. “And I know you don’t control what Casey does. That woman goes where she wants whenever she wants.”
“Right. Okay.” I take a deep breath to steady myself. “Should I get to work?”
He seems surprised. “Do you want to?”
“Well, that’s what I’m here for—”
“Take the night off.” He turns toward the steps. “I’m going for a swim.” He starts to head toward the stairs. “You can join me.”
I don’t know why, but a bold thrill slams into my bloodstream. I should get out of here, except the memory of my sweaty body under his skilled hands careens into my brain at breakneck speed. It’s like my skull bounces off concrete. I’m dizzy, my pulse racing.
“No sauna,” I call out, getting to my feet. I should just go home. There’s no need for me to stick around.
But I’m marrying this guy soon. I might as well try to get to know him. It’s possible I can learn something important and maybe figure out how I can get out of this mess.
Or at the very least, figure out how I’m going to live with it.
“Your loss,” he says back.