Chapter 13 Caroline
CAROLINE
Iavoid Finn for the next couple days. It’s easy, since he’s barely at the apartment. After the way I threw myself at him, I can’t really bring myself to look him in the eye, much less to talk to him again.
He knows how fucked up I am now.
Maybe he knew before. I mean, I must be pretty broken if I’m willing to go along with his plan to kill my brothers. What kind of sick, evil human would willingly murder their own sibling?
I watch a team of cleaners drain the pool upstairs.
They pick the glass out from the tile meticulously.
When they’re done, they leave the pool empty.
It’s just one giant hole in the floor, a gap staring up at the night sky.
I climb down and lie on my back in the deep end and gaze at the stars.
I feel like I’m hurtling deeper and deeper into something dark and terrifying, and I’m afraid most of all that there’s no landing, that I’ll be tumbling forever.
I close my eyes and run my fingers down a scar on my shoulder.
I remember this one vividly. I was ten years old.
Dad had me doing dishes in the kitchen even though we had staff for that.
He said it made me stronger. I never saw my brothers do any cleaning, but that was fine.
It was my life. Except that day, I was paying more attention to a little TV one of the staff members had in the corner of the room and I didn’t notice a splash of water on the floor.
I slipped, stumbled, and caught myself on the counter.
But the plates I was carrying shattered all over, little colored shards scattering at my feet.
The room was quiet after that. I’ll never forget the way Shane sauntered over, clucking his tongue and shaking his head.
“You clumsy idiot,” he said, almost like he felt sorry for me.
But I knew better. I wasn’t surprised when he slapped me across the face.
I barely reacted when he pushed me to the floor.
It was the knife that made me scream. My brothers liked their punishments. My father most of all. But they rarely used anything sharp.
“Don’t be such a fucking baby, Caroline. You think Dad’s going to let me go halfway with this one?” He clamped one big, meaty hand over my mouth. “God, you can be such a wuss.”
I pleaded and struggled, but Shane’s always been strong.
He held me down and jabbed the tip into my shoulder.
I screamed in agony as he dragged it down, slicing open my skin.
I’ll never forget the fascinated way he stared at the blood.
A part of me thought he’d keep on going, keep on slicing until I was carved open, but he stopped himself and pulled back with a frown.
I was crying, whimpering, writhing on the floor, one hand clamped over the wound to try to make the bleeding stop.
“Such a fucking baby,” he muttered as he tossed the bloody knife into the sink. “Clean this shit up.”
The scar’s still there. Faded now, but I can feel it under my fingers. Straight and even. Shane always was good with a blade.
When I climb out of the pool, Finn’s sitting on the bench with his back to the house. He looks at me curiously. I stare back, my spine itching like spiders are crawling down my shirt.
“My mother invited us to dinner tomorrow night,” he says simply like this is a totally normal conversation. He doesn’t ask why I’ve been lying down there in the pool for the last hour. Which is fine by me.
I wipe my face and look away. My cheeks are wet with tears. “That’s fine. I can do that.”
“My whole family will be there.”
“That’s good, right? I mean, we have to put on a show.”
“Make them think we’re happily married,” he agrees, his expression cold and uncaring.
“Anything else you need?”
He shakes his head slowly. “Nothing for now.” His eyes stray to the pool. “Do you miss it?”
For a second, I think he means Shane and the knife. But no, of course he means the water. “I’m looking forward to going for a swim.”
The heart of the Whelan family is a gorgeous penthouse apartment across from Central Park.
It’s the sort of place that costs tens of millions at least. The interior is three floors, multiple bedrooms, beautiful old furniture, and obscenely rare art on the walls.
A thick carpet swallows our footsteps and makes the sprawling place feel claustrophobic.
At least until we enter the living and dining area.
Noise and light surprise me. There’s a big table covered with food.
Several people are sitting around it. I recognize Casey from our conversation.
She’s leaning against a small woman with thick blonde hair and a pretty face.
They’re laughing about something and the blonde woman has a little boy in her lap, maybe three years old, squirming and trying to escape.
He looks like an adorable little terror.
For a second, I’m overwhelmed. There are at least ten people in here.
I’m used to big families, but this is different.
Dinners at my house were always quiet and tense with lots of business talk while my mother fluttered around and made sure all the boys were happy.
I was usually ignored and forgotten at best. Those nights were terrible and stressful, but this place doesn’t feel that way at all. The people here seem strangely happy.
“Don’t worry, I’ll introduce you,” Finn says quietly, and I feel a sudden pulse of gratitude. I almost expected him to throw me to the wolves.
Instead, he starts with the girls at the table. The blonde is Alina, married to Seamus, and her son’s name is Niko. Casey hugs me so tight I feel like I might burst. “You were so pretty at the wedding,” she gushes.
Finn presents me to Cormac, a glaring terror of a man, and Declan, the boss of the family.
Seamus is last and he seems the most agreeable of the group.
He pulls me into a hug. “Welcome to the family,” he says happily.
“I was starting to think Finn was going to break the Whelan arranged marriage tradition.”
“Lucky me, here we are.” Finn glares at Seamus.
Next, I meet Bianca, Cormac’s wife. She’s in the kitchen with two little girls, Nora and Brianna, while Finn’s mother, Siobhan, works on dinner. “She won’t let me help,” Bianca says, nudging me lightly with her elbow. “But she’ll get tired and realize she’s only got two hands sooner or later.”
“I can hear you,” Siobhan says, brandishing a spoon. “And you need to focus on those kids.”
“It’s really nice to formally meet you, Mrs. Whelan.
” I shake her hand lightly. She gives me a warm smile.
Her hair’s a light auburn mixed with gray.
There are smile lines around her mouth and eyes.
She’s got a warm and comforting presence, totally at odds with my own mother.
I feel awkward and very out of place, but Siobhan immediately starts talking to me like I’ve been a part of the family forever.
To his credit, Finn doesn’t abandon me. He pours everyone a drink and sticks by my side.
I sip a crisp white and chat about growing up in the city with Finn’s mother and Bianca.
Other people come and go, completely comfortable with each other.
I get the sense they have dinner like this all the time.
“Has he driven you insane yet?” Bianca asks happily, bouncing little Brianna on her knee. “I mean, you’ve been married to Finn for what, two weeks now?”
“Not even, and yes, pretty much.”
“I’m shocked you lasted this long.”
“Well, I’d run, but—” I give him a sly smile. “I’m not exactly allowed to.”
Bianca grimaces. “Shit. Sorry. That was stupid of me. You’d think I’d know better, since I went through it too.”
“They all did,” Siobhan says, tasting a pink sauce with a spoon. She adds more salt. “What you’re doing isn’t unique, at least not in this family.”
“She’s fine,” Finn grumbles, looking unhappy for the first time ever. “Do we have to talk about this?”
“What, and pretend like your marriage isn’t an arranged sham?” Bianca laughs and grins at me. “We might as well be honest for once.”
It’s honestly refreshing. I can’t help but laugh at the annoyed glower on Finn’s face, and soon I’m sitting at the table with the other women while the men lurk nearby talking about whatever it is they talk about.
I listen to stories about early motherhood, both the good and the bad, and soon Siobhan serves dinner.
I’m next to Finn and Casey. She talks my ear off the whole time, somehow splitting her attention between me and the kids sitting at the end of the table.
She effortlessly corrals them into eating, which is both messy and hilarious.
I find myself relaxing more than I thought I would.
There’s laughter, jokes, some mild bickering between the boys, but all in all, it’s the most normal family meal I’ve ever been to.
Afterward, the group breaks up, some to deal with babies, others to discuss business in Declan’s office. I find myself in the kitchen helping Siobhan clean up.
“It’s always like this,” she says with an exaggerated sigh. “I cook, they eat, I clean it all up.”
“Seems wrong. You shouldn’t have to lift a finger afterward.”
“Oh, no, dear, I love it, don’t you listen to me. This makes me feel important.”
“You seem pretty important to me.”
“Once upon a time, but not so much these days.” She shuffles around the kitchen, going slowly. “Would you mind if I asked you about Finn?”
I look down at my hands as I keep rinsing plates and placing them into the washer. “I don’t know what I could tell you. I mean, he’s your son.”
“How have things been with him?”
It’s an innocent enough question, but I sense a strange undercurrent of anxiety. I look over and she’s watching my face carefully like she’s studying my reaction.
“It’s been fine. Not perfect, but not bad, either.”
She nods slowly. “And he hasn’t been… difficult at all?”
My heart rate quickens. I get the feeling she’s trying to ask something without asking it. My mouth goes dry.
“No, not at all.”
“You’re sure about that?” She moves closer. “I know he’s my son, but you’re a part of this family now, too. I take care of my own. If there’s a problem—”
“It’s not like that.”
She relaxes slightly. “Would you admit if it were?”
“I don’t know,” I say, loading another dish. I wipe my hands on a towel. “But it’s not.”
“He didn’t want to marry you. Worse than the others, but he’s much better at hiding it. He has a complicated relationship with your family.”
My stomach twists. I feel like I can’t breathe. “Oh… does he…”
“I’m betting you know some of it already. I can’t tell you the extent, but there’s a history between him and your brothers. He never talks about it. I’ve tried to bring it up over the years, but he only gets angry if I press. I just want to make sure he’s not… taking that out on you.”
“He’s not.” I shake my head quickly. “I promise. I’ll tell you if something changes.”
“Thank God for that.” She sounds genuinely relieved. “You can come to me. I’ll listen and I’ll help if I can.”
I realize she was worried Finn might be abusing me because of how much he hates my family. A chill covers my skin and I quickly start washing again to cover my reaction.
She’s right to be concerned. I’m pretty sure that was his plan originally.
But something changed.
The sauna. His mouth on mine. His hands around my throat.
“Caroline? You ready to get going?” Finn’s standing in the doorway watching me. I look up and meet his gaze. I resist the urge to turn to Siobhan. I’m positive she’s studying everything I do right now.
“Let me finish cleaning up.”
“No, dear, you’re all good. This is almost done anyway.”
“Please, you can’t be in here alone.”
“Go.” She smiles and touches my arm. “You can do it all another time.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” On an impulse, I give her a hug. She doesn’t seem bothered and hugs me back. I’m not used to someone being that kind to me, and it’s a little overwhelming.
Finn touches my hand as we walk through the house. “What did you and my mother talk about?”
“You, mostly.”
“That’s refreshingly honest.”
“I mean, what else would it be? Sports? The weather?”
“My mom’s a huge Mets fan.”
“I am too. I guess now we have another topic.”
His grip tightens on my fingers. As we get onto the elevator down to the ground level, he leans in close.
“I spoke with Liam,” he whispers in my ear. His breath is warm on my neck. “We’re moving in three days.”
I open my mouth in surprise. His stare is intense and heavy. “Three days isn’t long.”
“It’s enough. The plan’s straightforward.”
“I know, but—” I breathe in deep. “Maybe I need more time to come to grips with murdering my brother.”
“No, you don’t. It never gets easier. We do this in three days or you don’t do it at all.”
I nod, watching the lights on the door panel flit through floor numbers. “Three days then.”
He releases my hand. We stand, shoulder to shoulder, racing toward the ground.