Chapter 33 Caroline
CAROLINE
“What’s it feel like to have brothers you can count on?”
Finn doesn’t answer right away. He stares out the windshield of the nondescript sedan. We’re tucked half a block away from Dermot’s apartment building, sandwiched in between a huge truck and a passenger van.
I watch him carefully. He hasn’t spoken much tonight.
I think he’s not used to getting his brothers involved in his business.
I got the feeling they were all close in their own ways, except for Finn.
He held himself apart from them for years, probably because of the abuse he experienced, and none of them knew about it.
“Strange,” he says finally and lets out a long sigh. “For so long, my brothers only ever saw me as the useless younger brother. I played into that as much as I could. It was easier that way.”
“You wore a mask.”
“Exactly.” His eyes close briefly and his hand brushes against my thigh. “But now I feel like I threw that mask onto a bonfire and I don’t know how to hide myself. It doesn’t feel right letting them in like this.”
“Cormac and Seamus seem like they care.” I hesitate and lean in closer. “Declan does too.”
“Declan cares, but he’s got other responsibilities to deal with now. I don’t blame him for the way he handled it.”
“I’m jealous, you know? Your brothers are rallying around you.”
His jaw tightens. “That’s how it’s supposed to be. Family’s supposed to help.”
“That’s not my experience.” I edge closer and move across the console.
I kiss his cheek lightly and stroke my hands through his hair.
I want to be close to him all the time now.
It’s like something in me changed, like the barrier that’s been standing between us crumbled.
Now that people know what we are—what happened to us—we can’t pretend like we’re normal.
That makes me want him even more.
“I’m sorry for that.” He tilts his chin over and kisses me lightly. “It’s not right.”
“What are you going to do now, though? I mean, now that your brothers understand what happened to you?”
“Nothing. I don’t know. What needs to change?”
“No more mask means you have to be yourself.”
I want to add, do you even know who that is?
But Finn’s answering smile sends a tingle into my core. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
He kisses me again. This time, it’s deep and firm. I let myself lose perfect moments in his lips. Seconds slip past and none of them matter. I’m so deeply embedded in this car with him, in every moment we’re together, and I think I’ve been looking at this all wrong.
It’s been about revenge. Killing my brothers for what they did to me.
But what if it’s about freeing myself from them?
In the same way that showing himself to his brothers seems to have freed Finn, maybe killing my brothers can do the same for me.
Our kissing doesn’t go too far. We’re in the middle of an important operation and we’re both aware that we have to be on our best behavior. But there is a part of me that wishes he’d drag me into his lap and sink his dick between my legs.
“I need to go check on Liam,” he says after another few minutes pass. He checks his watch with a slight grunt. “I think he’s behind schedule.”
“Are you worried?”
“Not yet, but I’ll feel better if I make sure he’s okay.”
“He’s a good friend, isn’t he?”
“One of the best. Stay here and don’t move.” Finn pushes open the door and gets out. “You’re safe. Just keep your head down.”
I watch my husband disappear into the night. He quickly crosses the street, walking with his hands in his light jacket. Liam’s on the other side of the building watching for any sign of Dermot coming back and he was supposed to check in, but it looks like he’s slightly late.
It’ll be fine. Liam’s not putting himself in harm’s way.
Not tonight, at least. I slump down in my seat, watching the building, and I almost scream when there’s a knock at the window.
My heart’s racing wildly as I look over to find Finn’s brother Cormac peering in at me with that eerily calm stare of his, like the guy’s never felt an emotion in his life.
The Ghostman. The family’s murderer. I shiver and push that thought aside. He’s my brother-in-law.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, rolling down the window. Cormac climbs into the car instead. There’s a slight resemblance between him and Finn, but they’re also total opposites in a lot of ways.
“It’s done.”
“Seriously? All the boxes are planted?”
“All of them. Wasn’t difficult.”
“Dermot has some serious security—”
Cormac stares at me. “Like I said. It wasn’t difficult.”
“Right. Great. Fantastic.” My pulse hammers in my chest. This is good news. We came here tonight to frame Dermot as planned. Cormac volunteered to go inside because apparently, he’s very good at this sort of thing. But why does it feel like something bad is happening?
“If I had known what they did to my brother, they would all be dead by now.”
He says this as if he’s reciting the weather, and I absolutely believe him. “I don’t think Finn wanted anyone to know.”
“You’d be dead too.”
I let out a soft grunt of fear and have to physically steady myself. “Uh, right, but what happened to him was before my time.”
“I know. I’m glad you married him. I’m not good at restraint. I would have burned your entire bloodline to the ground.” His lips press tightly together. “I still might.”
Jesus Christ, this guy’s intense. “I wouldn’t mind that, if I’m honest with you.”
He looks straight ahead. “I have a question. I need honesty. You and my brother are sleeping together.”
The way he jumps around between topics is extremely unsettling. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “I mean, we’re married, and I guess—”
He holds up a hand. “I don’t care. I want to know something. Do you love him?”
I laugh, unable to help myself. He’s not smiling at all. “That’s a little… I don’t know. How am I supposed to answer?”
“Love isn’t complicated.”
Yep, he’s definitely a crazy person, because that’s just about the least true statement imaginable.
I rub my forehead. “Liam didn’t call in because you wanted to come talk to me without Finn, right?”
He nods once. “Yes. You figured it out. Now answer me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
I open my mouth to tell him no, our marriage is fake, it’s an arrangement that neither of us wanted, but I can’t make the words come out. I don’t want to lie to him, and I realize that wouldn’t be true. In shape maybe, but not at the heart of what we’ve become.
“I think I do,” I say quietly, my voice very small. “We fit together. We went through the same thing… but he’s also a good man. He survived it in a way that I didn’t. I want to be around him all the time… I think that’s love, isn’t it?”
“Love was overwhelming for me. It nearly broke me. I felt like I was dying, like if I was apart from her, my body would crumble. Anything less and what’s the point? So tell me the truth. Do you love him?”
I nod slowly. “I love him.”
“Good. He deserves that. Maybe you do too.” Cormac gives me the ghost of a smile. Probably that’s the closest he gets to happiness. “Welcome to the family.”
Finn comes striding across the street. He looks unhappy when he spots Cormac sitting with me and leans down to talk into the window. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to still be inside?”
“All done.” Cormac gets out and steps aside. “I was just having a chat with your wife.”
“Don’t tell me you were being an asshole to her.”
“No, Finn, it’s fine,” I say quickly—
But my words get cut off when a car comes screaming down the road.
Both men react instantly. Cormac draws a weapon and drops to a knee. Finn throws himself into the car, grabbing at me and covering me with his body.
“Get down!”
I try to throw myself to the floor. Finn practically uses himself like a shield. Then the world goes berserk.
Gunfire erupts from the van. Bullets rip into our car like needles through skin.
The sound is insane. Cormac’s shooting back, his unnaturally calm face lit up by muzzle flashes.
Blood explodes from the window of the van and the wheels spin wildly.
It lurches forward, smoke kicking into the air, and races out of sight.
For a moment, all I can hear is ringing in my ears.
Then Finn’s pulling me up. “Caroline, talk to me, are you okay?” He’s yelling and touching me, and it takes a second to realize he’s looking for wounds.
“I’m fine,” I say loudly, probably yelling like a lunatic. “What happened?”
“Ambush.” Cormac is still alive. He seems unhurt and totally unfazed. “We have to go.”
“He’s right. We’ll meet back at the house.” Finn nods at his brother, slams the car door, and starts the engine. We pull out quickly as Cormac jogs away to his own vehicle on the block over.
My head’s spinning as we drive. That makes no sense. How did someone attack us like that? How did they even know we would be there?
I can tell by Finn’s expression that he’s having the same thoughts and he doesn’t like the answers.