24. Malice #2
“When my parents disappeared out of me and Empress life, I stepped up for my sister and I. At first, we had handouts, folks letting us live with them and some nights we slept where we could. Until my friend, well ex-friend, Saleema, introduced us to her big brother Salem. They were both a big blessing. Took us in, clothed and fed us. Not even after a full month, I had to sacrifice instead of running away. I got broken in. He was my first, at thirteen and then after him, there were so many other men for a small or big fee that I stopped counting.” She sat up with her back facing me.
Pulling her knees up to her chest, she continued as my anger rose high.
I already started making plans on hunting down this nigga and burning him alive.
“I was weak and broken at that age. I used to feel like since I was fat my body was what men wanted because they mistakenly thought that I had breast, hips and ass when at the time it was just baby fat traveling to those areas to make me appear more grown. I’d rather it be me than my sister.
” She stood up and looked around the room until her eyes landed on my ashtray.
Julia always rolled me up a couple of blunts, so that when I retreated to my room. I could relax in peace.
“I got pregnant by Salem and was taken to a hood doctor, that fucked my insides up. I still feel haunted by that abortion, and I count each year and mentally celebrate my unborn child’s birthday.
To punish myself, I forget all about my own birthday and don’t celebrate it.
” I could hear my torch lighting up the blunt that was now between her lips.
She sparked it and the smoke decorated the air.
“After being fucked and treated like shit, I found my backbone years later and roamed the streets more. I used my body as a weapon until I formed a masterpiece in the streets. I created my own family and met another man. His name was Melvin. Cut a long story short, I fell in love with Melvin. I loved how he made me feel protected. He made me feel like every woman should feel. I became even stronger, and I start seeing myself as beautiful. Melvin respected me as a Queen, his queen. Until another man that still loves me and wants to be with me revealed to me more then what I could handle. Pictures, was given to me of Melvin with a pregnant wife.” She turned around to face me and her face was void of emotion.
Her voice was flat, like what she was saying didn’t bother her much.
“That’s not even what hurt me the most.” She paused and looked up at the ceiling, releasing the smoke that she held inside of her. When her eyes focused back on me, she chuckled and sniveled as slow tears dampened her face.
“The next couple of pictures were photos of him and my sister Empress. I stood in front of Bundy wondering if I should kill him, but I let him hold me and kiss all over me. We connected at that moment, but I stepped away from him to figure out what it was I wanted to do. Bundy saw me while I was weak, and I hated that. He saw me become conflicted with doing what a Queenpin should have done at the time. Rather she was my blood or not I should have killed Empress, but I couldn’t because I fucking love her and she’s my blood sister.
I raised her and helped make sure that she was straight.
I thought to myself like damn, Sovereign!
What good example had I set for her? All she ever seen me do was lay up and get dicked down to provide.
She probably would hear me crying at night almost drowning myself in the tub with my sorrows.
I wasn’t there emotionally for her, so she found that in a man that preyed on her being young and vulnerable.
I thought that maybe one day when she matured, she’d see her wrongdoing and confess but she never did.
I let it go and me and Bundy created an unspoken agreement. ”
She wiped her face hard, and I sat up and moved to the edge of the bed to stand and go console her, but she shook her head no. I remained seated and watched her battle with her emotions.
“I tucked that shit and still took care of Empress. Out of loyalty and our bloodline. I made countless excuses for her when I found myself buried in my thoughts about her loyalty. Throughout the years, I wondered if it was her that helped Melvin escape. I still don’t know but looking into her eyes while I expressed my disappointment in her, I saw the confirmation.
I thought making her and Murk’um bring that nigga to me and watch all the evil things I had done to him and his wife that it will be a lesson to her as well.
Obviously, it wasn’t because she turned around and did some more fuck shit with Teddy. ”
“She sat up and tried to rob a boy that she knows I care for. Teddy wasn’t dealt a good hand and he doesn’t ask for handouts when it comes to shit.
I keep spinning that shit, what if her fucked up plan really worked?
Teddy wouldn’t be here and who would his sisters have?
Empress is such a selfish bitch, but I now understand who she gets that shit from.
” She took a deep pull from her blunt and gave me a look that had her eyes darkening.
“Our father, Miguel. That’s who she gets it from.” She shook her head and blew smoke out of her mouth. “He’s still alive after all this time. I’m thinking he’s dead, I done went through all of this shit and degrading because I thought both parents were dead. All of it for nothing.”
“It was for something; it was in the cards that you were dealt. If you hadn’t been dealt those cards you wouldn’t have become the strong ass woman you are today Sovereign.
You wouldn’t be a Queenpin and be able to say that you created that shit on your own.
” I stood up and made my way over to her.
Sovereign smelled so good even though she just got through sweating and fucking me hard.
I had to focus because I was ready to pick her up and fuck every issue and problem that fucked with her.
In my eyes, she ain’t have to worry about none of that shit. I had come into her life, and even though it was from an arranged marriage to create power. I planned on making her life easier.
“You keep thinking about the past and letting that shit define you, you will be stuck in that shit. Look at my father, nigga got enough money for me and all of his kids plus his great grands to never work or lift a finger. Deep down he ain’t happy, all he got is his cartel.
He got to sit from the sidelines and watch the woman of his dreams and the woman he truly love, search high and low to replace him.
He still stuck thinking about the past and what all could’ve been done differently.
” That opened my eyes to why I never settled on love.
I never wanted to be like my dad or my mom.
I didn’t want to experience loving someone all for them to betray or do me foul. I also didn’t want to have a good ass woman that I did truly love like my dad with my mom and then lose her because I couldn’t get my shit right.
“We can play the blame game all night Sovereign. I ain’t saying this shit to make you think that I’m just some heartless ass nigga.
I’m saying this shit because you can’t hold shit against people for who they truly are.
You can’t try to think because you love a muthafucka they supposed to love you the same and do you the same as you do them.
People expose who the fuck they are, and you have to treat them accordingly.
I’m not you though and you are not me and I understand that you feel how you feel.
Disappearing and trying to sort this shit out alone ain’t healthy.
” I pulled her close, but she stepped out of my embrace.
“All I have is me now, I vowed to myself that I would kill the head of my problems.” She had a determined look in her eyes that I couldn’t knock her for.
“What we have is an arrangement, but you have been giving me lethal ass dick. I’m telling you all of this because I don’t want you falling for me Malice.
I’m fucked up and you got the kind of dick that goes along with your persona perfectly.
The type of shit you packing will have a bitch hooked and if are when I become hooked on you, I will annihilate any person that I feel will cause a fucking problem.
Your handsome and you turn me on every time your crazy ass comes near me.
I like your infatuation with fire on some straight nutty shit.
I came here tonight to use you as a release, like a drug to get high off of.
I realized that I’m close to getting hooked but the red flags about you is evident.
That’s the only reason why I’m exposing so much.
” She tilted her head back a little to look me in the eyes.
In this moment everything she said had me stuck and speechless. I came back down to reality when her soft fingertips caressed my abs.
“You are my husband and it’s unethical what we have done to step into more power, but I like the shit.
I know it’s going to probably come to an ugly end once I get what I need out of my Abuela and that’s Melvin.
After that, I will be killing her and getting redemption on everyone involved in killing my mother.
I have no plans stepping into her shoes and running her fucked up cartel.
Then my need for you will go away. Your father will no longer see me as a good candidate and he would want to do away with me, then theres a war between me and your cartel as well as your syndicate.
None of that scares me Malice because if I have to go to war I will until one of us comes out on top.
” She smiled and tried to walk away but I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back into me.