29. Soulful Hurtz
Chapter Twenty-Nine
SOULFUL HURTZ
I hate I came to school dripped the fuck out.
I didn’t have time to drive to my house and switch my clothing around.
I only really came to see Jocelyn; I had been missing her ass like crazy and needed to lay eyes on her even if it was for a couple of seconds.
I went through each class period collecting homework and listening to my teachers preach to me about missing school and assignments.
After stuffing my backpack with lots of homework and assignments that I had missed out on.
I walked out of my last class feeling a little better.
I wasn’t too far behind with work, and I also was planning on bringing my mom home for just a couple of hours then putting her back in the hotel that I was funding.
When Luv broke down, I spent weeks combing Watts trying to locate my mom.
It wasn’t that hard finding her because she was at a new crack spot that was popping with new come up boys that got their hands on some drugs from the African niggas that called themselves trying to make a name for themselves.
I already put Sovereign up on game about the new niggas trying to move big work in the urban communities.
That was a no go and sooner or later that would be shut down.
That was one of the big reasons that I fucked with Sovereign heavy.
She didn’t push heavy drugs in the black communities.
She dished that shit out to rich neighborhoods that could actually afford the shit.
When I found my mom, I placed her in a hotel and told her the date and time that I would be by to pick her up from the hotel.
I told her that I expected her to be sober before I brought her to my place to see the girls. Luv behavior hadn’t gotten any better, but I was hoping that we could reason a little. Maybe if she got to see Antionette more that could possibly help with her behavioral issues.
I caught the back of Jocelyn and watched her walk through the back exit.
All day at school she had been avoiding me and I knew it was because she was angry with me for curving her.
She didn’t understand that I did that shit for her own good.
Picking up my footsteps, I followed right behind her.
My car was parked the front of the school inside the parking lot.
Jocelyn switched her ass fast as she talked and walked with her homegirls like she didn’t see me trying to catch up with her.
It was crazy that she was even conversing with them broads when two of them passed me notes during class offering to fuck me. I wasn’t dusty anymore and now these birds were trying to be down to see what all I could offer them.
“Jocelyn!” I called her name tired of following behind her.
She turned around slowly and looked at me with an attitude.
Placing her hand on her small curvy hip, she poked her lip out and stood in the same spot close to the curb.
The closer I got the more uncomfortable she seemed to be.
She looked nervous as hell, and I didn’t understand why.
Choosing to not say anything to her, I pulled her close and hugged her tight. I enjoyed the soft scent of vanilla invading my nose.
“I missed you, Jocelyn.” That was the truth, it wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t find myself thinking about her and this pretty ass face.
I can see her eyes glossing up like I put her through so much turmoil.
She looked around at the people near us then pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose.
“Soulful, I have a man now.” That shit almost knocked me down, but I couldn’t be mad at her. Although I liked Jocelyn a lot, I was still laying pipe to a couple of females when I found the time to.
“What that got to do with me? You give him your virginity?” I frowned and when she got quiet, I was ready to turn up on her.
Sensing my anger, she quickly shook her head no, and I calmed down a bit.
I dug in my back pocket and handed her my iPhone.
Without saying too many words she punched her number in then handed me my phone back.
I was happy that I now had a number on her.
Sometimes I just wanted to hear her voice, I had a lot going on right now and didn’t want Jocelyn mixed up with my problems.
“You need a ride home?” I didn’t plan on going that way but for Jocelyn, I would. Since I was making lots of money now, I tried to stay far away from the hood. If it didn’t have anything to do with finding my momma, then I figured I didn’t have any business over that way.
I wasn’t scared of niggas, but I also knew that I wasn’t untouchable.
I bled like the rest of these niggas and didn’t want to chance having to lay another nigga down.
I noticed a big body Benz pulling up to the curb with tinted windows and music blasting.
Jocelyn body language changed to, so I took a couple steps away from her.
“It was good seeing you, Soulful. Call me whenever you get the time.” She touched my arm and then quickly walked away.
Watching her get into a car with another nigga and knowing that she was giving him time and attention didn’t sit to well with me.
I knew that I was that nigga that could treat Jocelyn right and not just use her to get what I wanted since she looked so fucking good.
All the way to my car, I thought about calling Jocelyn and taking her ass home with me. For now, I had shit to do and that was see about my stubborn ass momma.
I stood in front of my mom hotel door and dreaded picking up my fist to knock. I hope she listened to what I told her ass and sobered up. There was no way, I was bringing her to my house high off drugs. Finally knocking on the door, I got irritated with how long she took to open it.
She looked frailer like she lost even more weight. I could tell she was having withdrawals because she was shaking like the weather was zero degrees. Her long brittle hair was slicked back into a ponytail, and she sported some sweatpants and a graphic Tupac shirt.
“Hey, Soulful. Just come in for a while, I got to finish packing my bag.” I nodded and remained quiet.
Walking into her room, my stomach instantly turned.
It smelled like ass and cigarettes mixed with the smell of beer.
The room didn’t look cluttered or a mess so I took a seat in the loveseat that sat in the corner next to the window and AC vent.
“I can’t wait to see my girls. I miss them and you, so much.
” She picked up her backpack from the floor and looked over at me with sad eyes.
I wanted to talk but couldn’t. I was still picturing her at that park with Passion, out of it and being raped in front of my little sister.
Every time I thought about that shit, I found myself getting emotional.
I just didn’t understand why my momma couldn’t get right for us.
She didn’t say anything when she noticed that I wasn’t offering her much conversation. She looked nervous and like she wanted to say more. When she was done gathering her things she turned back around and looked at me.
“You know why you caught me like that Soulful?” She shivered like she was cold and scratched at her small arms. “I was willing for them niggas to run a train on me. I would never pimp my baby out for drugs! I went to that park itching for a hit but when they started talking about the debt I owed and how they were going to do horrible things to my baby, I allowed them to take turns fucking me!” She sobbed as I roughly wiped at my own tears.
It never amazed me how much I allowed this woman to hurt me. I could never stop the love I had for my mother and treat her cold, but I couldn’t be weak for her anymore.
“That explanation ain’t enough for me, ma.” I shook my head and bowed my head.
“I can’t keep letting you do this to us!
I’m grown now but before being grown I’ve been carrying us on our backs!
That ain’t shit to brag about though. I did that shit cause I ain’t have a choice and I love the fuck out of my sisters and you!
Damn ma…” I took a deep breath. It felt like each breath that I took was painful.
Sharp pains hit my chest; the tears kept falling but this time faster.
“I had and have so many fuckin issues that you never saw and tried to talk about it with me.” I cleared my throat and wiped my tears.
“I’m a new person ma, the only relationship you can try to fix is the ones you have with Luv and Passion.
They love the fuck out of you, and I don’t knock them for it because I love you a lot too.
That shit will never change, but I’m done allowing you to hurt me.
Only reason I’m here right now is for the sake of my siblings.
” I stood and went to the door to wait out in the car for her.
One day, I knew I would have to forgive my momma but right now I just couldn’t.
I thought back to Jocelyn and decided that I was willing to make her mine again.
I didn’t like the idea of her being with another nigga.
Once I sorted some shit out and got things more solid on my end I was coming for my girl and claiming her as mine.