CHAPTER 12
HELEN
I can’t believe I just did that. I can’t believe it happened.
Rhodes Wilder and I just had sex in the backseat of his truck. The backseat of the Sheriff’s truck, even though it wasn’t his official vehicle. Aren’t all his vehicles technically official? I mean, he’s always the Sheriff.
It was the most pleasure I’ve ever felt in my life.
There’s no reason for this man, considering I barely know him though I feel the connection viscerally, to know my body as well as he does. The way he touched me was divine. I’ve never felt that kind of reverence.
And if the promises in his eyes can be believed, he’s not done with me. Not even close.
Honestly, I wasn’t entirely sure he would agree to go back to my place.
There isn’t usually a lot of traveling between our two towns. I’m sure there are places out there where people travel freely when your towns are so close, but it’s always felt like the battle lines have always been very clear here and they are lines you don’t cross.
But Rhodes doesn’t look at me like I’m from the wrong side of the ridge.
I like it far more than I probably should.
He makes me feel like he sees me. Really sees me.
Every time we’re together, the way he listens—with his full focus—is intoxicating. I’ve been craving more of it.
And I’ve been missing him since I last saw him at Bunz Out.
Considering the man just intercepted me while I was checking out the possible location of major criminal activity, he was probably focused on the case. The realization has me feeling bad.
I was pissed and hurt when I didn’t hear from him.
He could have sent a quick text. Especially after popping up randomly in my life and then disappearing.
It might not have been for long, but I can admit I was feeling the loss of it.
He’s followed behind me carefully and closely, but not too close. It’s made me feel safe in a way I’m not used to.
When I finally pull into my driveway, Rhodes pulls along the street. I’m gripping the wheel so tightly that my knuckles are turning white. I’m not afraid, I’m nervous.
This feels big. And real in a way that is both terrifying and thrilling.
I nearly jump out of my skin when Rhodes knocks on my window. When I unlock the car, he swings open the door before crouching down next to me.
As he reaches across and gently unbuckles me, his hands are steady. They’re sure. I don’t know why, but seeing it helps.
If he’s so sure, about this, about what we’re both clearly feeling then I can be too. I think. I hope.
I want to be.
But it’s also terrifying.
Since things imploded with Thad, which I know in my head wasn’t my fault at all, I haven’t been willing to put myself out there. It makes sense, but it doesn’t help me heal and move forward.
I’ve been shutting myself off from the idea of dating, of being vulnerable enough to get to know someone, so I haven’t even entertained the notion.
But then Rhodes showed up out of nowhere. And he kept showing up.
“You didn’t call me or even text.” My eyes widen in surprise as I realize what I just blurted out. But I don’t regret the words. They’re true.
Rhodes’s face falls slightly and he nods. He looks at me and everything in me hopes he doesn’t brush this off and make it seem like it doesn’t matter.
“I know, Sweetheart,” I can hear the remorse in his voice. “I’m sorry. Lyons called me with a lead which is why I was out there and doing my own recon and came across a certain someone who should not have been anywhere near there.”
The look he’s giving me can only be described as pointed. I can’t help but scrunch up my face and grimace slightly.
“So strange how we came across each other since I was just out for a hike,” my voice is all innocence.
But he’s not swayed. From the deadpan look on his face, he’s not buying even a smidgen of what I’m selling.
“Don’t get off track,” I admonish him and cross my arms across my chest.
If he believes I will be getting out of the car without this being resolved, he can think again. Although, as I eye him, I realize he could haul me out of my car without even trying.
It’s sexy as fuck.
And kind of annoying.
“I should have texted you, minimum. That’s on me.”
His words just sit there. Honest. Not making excuses or pushing for forgiveness or a bout of amnesia. He doesn’t push them or expect anything in return, no recognition or praise.
They simply are.
And I find I believe them in a way that makes me want to leap. It makes no sense, the way this man can look at me and make me feel grounded.
“I’m sorry,” his voice is soft with a roughness I can feel. “I’m not going to be someone who shows up in your life and then disappears.”
My heart clenches because that right there is my biggest fear. It feels like I’ve lost so much. The worst part is that I don’t even have the grace of memories when it comes to the biggest hole in my life.
I held my family, small and lifeless as it was, together for so long. I was my sister’s shield. I was my father’s conscience.
No one has been there for me, and I’ve never had someone who is mine. Just mine.
Could Rhodes be that person for me? What would life look like if I had someone at my back, someone whose purpose was to support me? Without judgement. Without conditions.
I want it so badly that I ache for it.
Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink them back.
“Don’t break my heart, Rhodes,” my words come out as a whisper.
His grey eyes soften and he nods slowly. Something shifts on his face, but it’s not burden; it’s pride in his responsibility, the mantle he welcomes with worship.
When his large hands cup my cheeks, the warmth of him sinks into me. I lean into his touch without even realizing it at first.
“I’m probably going to mess up from time to time,” he drawls. “I won’t clean up after myself, or I’ll forget something you reminded me about because too much of my mind is stuck on a case.”
Even with his words, there’s something steady in his touch.
“I’m just a man. You might need to help me out from time to time and explain things to me like I’m a toddler.”
I can’t help but grin at him. The self-deprecating chuckle he lets out has my desire perking up and taking notice. Again.
“But I’ll never hurt you.” His words soothe me and I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“I believe you.” As the words slip past my lips, I realize just how true they are.
I believe him.
I trust him.
And it has nothing to do with the fact the badge he wears.
When he holds his hand out for me, I slide mine into it. His hold is solid. Steady. His movements are easy as he helps me out and then leads me up to my door. My hands are surprisingly steady as I unlock it to let us in.
The moment we’re closed in together, Rhodes flips the lock and there’s a finality to it and it doesn’t make me want to run. But it should. Shouldn’t it?
I’m not sure anymore, but I know that I want this. I want him.
“Are you hungry?” I offer more out of sheer politeness than anything else. I’m not even sure what I can offer him beyond some goat cheese and white wine. Maybe. “Or want something to drink? I think I have some wine?”
Why am I even babbling? I shake my head and try to calm my racing heart.
Rhodes takes a step closer to me, his grey eyes intense as he takes me in. The way he looks at me makes me feel like everyone else in my life, every single person, has been looking through me. But not him.
Never him.
“Are you nervous?”
“No,” my answer is calm and steady.
Still, he studies my face before nodding once. His voice is gruff as he demands, “Show me your bathroom.”
Fuck, that shouldn’t work for me. It certainly shouldn’t have my pussy clenching around nothing like he wasn’t just inside of me.
As much I would bristle if anyone else spoke to me like that, with Rhodes I simply lead him down the hall and into my bedroom and then into the ensuite. It’s not much. Nothing in this house is.
But it’s big enough for me at the moment, even with my second room being taken up by all my lampshade crafting goodies. I’m certainly not going to show Rhodes that room anytime soon. Then he would know about my obsession.
Rhodes efficiently starts the shower and then strips me slowly. He even puts every article of clothing into my hamper. My knees go a little weak.
I don’t look away as he undresses and my mouth waters. I couldn’t see him in the truck, not really. It was all lines and moonlit planes. But the light in my bathroom is unforgiving in a way which usually makes me want to cover up.
Except Rhodes is looking at me like he’s never seen anything more perfect. He’s looking at me like I’m art and I don’t think anyone has ever looked at me like that before.
I’m distracted by the smattering of hair covering the top of his chest. And then there’s the strip of hair leading down. I follow it with my eyes as he pushes his pants and boxer briefs down and off. He kicks them away along with his boots. When did he even unlace them?
I don’t know. I don’t care.
When he stands up at his full height, I don’t even know where to look first. Everywhere.
And it’s all yummy.
Even though my shower isn’t huge, he gently leads me into it and slides in behind me as if it’s comfortable. It isn’t. But there’s only reverence on Rhodes’s face as he proceeds to wash me. Thoroughly.
I let out little sighs and moans as his hands glide along my skin. Every touch feels like he’s worshiping me, like the reverence in his touch is pure.
When he washes himself, his movements are hurried but not frenzied. I can see the price of his control in the way he’s holding himself back to take care of me, to put me first.
And just like that, he steals another piece of my heart.
The way his dick bobs as he steps out of my shower while reaching for a towel has me giggling. I cover my mouth to try and hide it, but I’m not fast enough. Rhodes smirks like he knows exactly what is making me giggle.
But then his hands are on me again as he dries me. Even with the towel between us, I can feel the heat of his touch against my skin.
When he lays me down on my bed, his larger body follows me down. I welcome the weight of him. It feels solid and I crave it.
My hands skim up his back, and I love the way he shudders as his pupils dilate. Even though I can see the lust tugging at him, he holds my gaze. Steady. Solid.
“You know I’m never letting you go.”
He doesn’t pose it as a question. He doesn’t need to.
I hook my leg up and around his hip, using it as leverage to grind up against him. His length is hard and hot as he slides between my arousal slicked pussy. He feels so damn good.
The moan I let out is needy and I’m not even a little bit ashamed of it. I do need him.
“I know,” the words are breathless.
His mouth slams down on mine. It’s a claiming and I sink into it.
“You’re mine,” he growls.
My lips part as my heart stutters in my chest. The warmth of his words, the promise within them, is special and I’ll cherish them.
When he fills me, there’s nothing gentle about it. The way he thrusts inside of me is rough and feral.
“Say it,” he demands.
“I’m yours,” I moan, my body arching toward him. Needing more.
His movements are hurried and strained. Like he can’t get enough of me and is overwhelmed by it. The way he shows his need, the way my body sings for him, has me clinging to his shoulders.
Am I barely holding on? My nails dig into him, and he hisses out a breath.
“That’s it,” he growls, his body tense. “Give me your eyes.”
I pry my eyes open, needing to see. Needing to feel it all and be wrapped up in the connection between us just as much as he does.
Our gazes clash. His have been overtaken by passion, glazed over and hazy.
My body moves with his, racing and chasing. So close.
“Come on my cock,” he grits out through his teeth.
The tension of his shoulders, the way he’s barely holding himself together as his breath is sawing in and out of his chest.
As I tumble over the edge, his name coming from my lips on a gasp, he follows right behind me with a groan which sounds a lot like satisfaction. I ride the pleasure, soaking in the feeling because it’s like nothing I’ve felt before.
Sure, I’ve enjoyed my partners in the past. Well, I thought I did. Now, I’m not so sure.
Rhodes rolls us and drapes me over his chest. As he slips free of me, I cringe slightly, knowing it’s going to be messy. But then, with the way he’s softly looking down at me with something more than affection in his eyes, I don’t even care.
I kiss his chest and then the underside of his jaw before I snuggle against him. His arms wrap around me and a feeling of being safe is almost overwhelming. It feels simple and yet vast.
There’s only one way to find out if I can trust him.