CHAPTER 22
HELEN
Rhodes gives me a gentle shove out of the kitchen and toward the living room. For a moment, I don’t move as I look up into his grey eyes and get lost. He’s so handsome. There are times when I can’t believe that he’s really mine.
But he is.
He’s made it very clear about being all in. And I am too, but I’m cautious. It’s not a matter of not wanting to get hurt again, it’s knowing if things were to go bad then I would never be the same again.
I would heal, sure. That’s what we do.
Even healed, I wouldn’t be the same.
“I’ve got the dishes tonight, Sweetheart,” Rhodes’s deep voice wraps around me. “You go and relax.” His grin turns wicked and sexy as hell. “I love seeing you curled up on my couch while reading a book. It’s cozy and it feels like you’re making this place your own.”
The warmth in my chest with his words has me grinning from ear to ear. This man. My man.
I love him.
The words almost fall from my lips, but I swallow them down.
When Rhodes gently pushes me toward the living room again, I don’t put up a fight. Why would I? He wants to do the dishes? That’s fine with me.
Before I step away from him completely, I tip up on my toes and kiss the underside of his jaw. The way he clenches his fists as if he has to stop himself from reaching for me makes me feel giddy. I practically float into the living room to curl up in the corner of the couch.
The sigh I let out is full of relief as I pull the cozy blanket, which one day appeared across the back of Rhodes’s couch, across my body. I have no doubt he got it just for me.
He keeps showing up that way. Keeps putting me first. Keeps finding ways to watch out for me and take care of me.
I love him.
I reach for my e-reader which is already waiting for me and fully charged. It makes me giggle softly under my breath.
As I look around the room, I realize there are little glimmers of me everywhere. I didn’t even realize I was invading Rhodes’s home. Honestly, I think he likes it because I’m sure he’s noticed and he hasn’t stopped me.
No, I think he’s been gently encouraging me to take up more space.
My soul settles as I relax back and let the feeling of being home, being right where I’m supposed to be, wrap around me. It’s not a feeling I’m used to at all.
As I start to read, I get lost in the romance between the two characters.
I used to read romance with a feeling of yearning, with an edge of hopelessness which I figured I simply had to accept.
To me, it was a future I wasn’t destined to have and would, maybe one day, settle for a good enough connection.
Now, I’m glad I never settled.
Because the connection I have with Rhodes is much more than good enough. It’s everything.
When Rhodes sits down next to me, it startles me because I was lost in the sexy as hell scene. I blink at him a few times as my mind leaves the fantasy and is plunged into another one, but this time it’s my reality.
“You were lost in that story,” he teases, his eyes sparkling with mischievous interest. “Was it a good part?”
The way he wiggles his eyebrows at me has me giggling. He’s so fucking adorable.
“Maybe,” my voice is sly as I look over at him.
I practically melt into the couch when he pulls my feet into his lap and starts to massage them. The way Rhodes cares for me is so damn sweet.
He makes a humming sound, and I can’t tear my eyes away from him as I watch him focus on his task. It’s a heady feeling being caught in the intensity that is all him.
“I need to talk to you about something,” he starts and I can hear the note of hesitancy in his voice.
My heart seizes for a moment before it starts to pound in my chest. That’s not good, right? When someone you’re seeing, dating or whatever this is, tells you they have to talk. It’s a bad sign.
My breathing becomes shallow as I start to freak out. Before I can spiral too far, Rhodes grips my calf and gives a squeeze.
“It’s okay, Sweetheart,” he coos, “it’s nothing bad.” I take a few deep breaths and his mouth twists to the side. “Well,” he backpedals, “it’s not bad in terms of us.”
“Okay,” I breathe out.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I had the chance to go and check out the Old Mill after the McMinn Sheriff and his deputies had already cleared it. They did find evidence that the dog fighting ring was operating there, but they moved out in a hurry.”
My shoulders slump with the news. If I hadn’t gone out there that night to see what was going on and Rhodes had been able to check it out, would the end result have been different? Would they have found the people responsible or, at least, those running it?
Guilt fills me and I look down at my e-reader even though I’m not really seeing the words on the screen. My vision blurs with tears, and I have to blink them back before they fall.
“Hey,” Rhodes’s voice is gentle as he grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger before tilting my head back up. His eyes search mine and I have to wonder if he can see the way guilt is making me regret my own damn actions. “What are you thinking?”
“If you didn’t need to rescue me that night then maybe you wouldn’t have missed an opportunity to find out who is behind all of this,” my words are small and far too soft.
Can he see my vulnerability and my worry? Can he see the weight of it all?
“No,” his voice is hard, unrelenting, “this is not your fault. The trash there looks fresh, but that’s relative.
Fresh could have been days, weeks, maybe even a month.
We have no way of knowing how long ago they were or how long they had stayed before moving on.
This is not your fault,” he says it with such conviction.
“You don’t know for sure,” my voice breaks slightly.
“You don’t know it either,” he points out. “You can’t say for certain I would have found anything that night. It’s more than possible that I would have only found a few empty cages and the crude remnants of the dregs of society.”
As much as I hate to admit it, he has a point. I don’t have to like it.
“After talking to Lyons and a few Sheriffs of the surrounding counties, we’ve decided to pull back a little from the investigation.”
I shoot straight up from where I’m leaning back in the couch. “You’re giving up?”
Immediately, I wince because my question sounded far more accusatory than I intended. Rhodes doesn’t seem bothered by my outburst as he gives me a look filled with understanding.
“Never,” his voice is firm and sure. “I’m not giving up, but I can’t use all my resources on a case that has gone cold when we don’t have any more leads.
If I keep chasing something that isn’t there to find, I could be putting people in danger because deputies are chasing ghosts instead of being there for someone who needs it. ”
As much as I hate the end result of it all, I can’t argue with his reasoning.
“Yeah,” I whisper, “I get what you’re saying.”
His large hand cups my cheek and his thumb sweeps across my skin in such a way that is comforting and ignites my need for my man. Having a serious conversation is almost impossible because he’s so fucking distracting.
“I’m not giving up,” there is steel and resolve in his voice.
“I’m going to keep my deputies looking whenever they can, to keep their eyes open.
The last thing I want is for someone to take advantage of the size of my county and all the little places where they could hide something like this.
I want to keep everyone safe and take these assholes down if I can. ”
“I know you will,” I whisper and swallow hard.
I have no reason to not believe him. And the everything this man has shown me is that his words hold weight and he will do everything he can to follow through with his promises.
“Thank you,” his voice is rough and something in his tone has me snapping my gaze up to look at him.
My eyebrows pull together as I ask, “What are you thanking me for?”
“For believing me,” his words are measured before he emphasizes his words, “Believing in me.”
I smile at my man and scramble out of my seat to straddle his lap. Even though I do it to be closer to him, I can’t help the way my body reacts.
“Rhodes,” his name is plea on my lips, or maybe more like a prayer.
My fingers brush against his beard and my thighs clench from the memory of how it feels as it rubs against the inside of my thighs when he buries his face there.
“It’s easy to believe you and believe in you,” my words are soft.
I know they land when he closes his eyes and a look of peace crosses his face.
“I trust you,” I tell him, every word dripping with sincerity.
His eyes pop open and then drop to half-mast with lust as he looks at me. It makes me want to squirm in his lap, but I stop myself. Fucking barely.
When his mouth tips up into a sinful grin, my nipples pebble and practically beg for attention. My man’s eyes don’t leave mine though as his hands land on my hips and squeeze.
“You have no idea what that means to me,” his voice cracks slightly before he clears his throat.
He takes another deep, steadying breath and then lets it out slowly.
His fingers tighten on my body, and it grounds me.
Maybe it does the same for him. “I think there’s one more thing we need to talk about. ”
I can’t help my reaction and freeze in place as I’m straddling his hips. The way his eyes are soft and filled with affection as he looks at me. My heart starts to pound in my chest because whatever he’s about to say feels big. Huge.
“The last thing I ever want to do is rush you, but I want to make it clear where I’m at and what I want to happen in the future,” there’s a steadiness in his voice which has calm rolling through me.
“Happen with us?” I know my eyes are wide and round as I ask the question.
“Yeah, Sweetheart,” his voice takes on an indulgent tone, “happen with us.”
“Okay,” I whisper.