CHAPTER 24
HELEN
As I walk up to Kelly’s desk, I paste a smile on my face.
I haven’t stepped foot in Dad’s office since the day he tried to suddenly act like a concerned father after caring more about appearances than me my entire life.
That doesn’t mean I’ve ignored my dad completely, but I certainly haven’t been sharing anything he didn’t need to know.
One of the things he didn’t need to know about was my plan to move to Sweetwater Valley.
I don’t care what he would have said about it if he had known, but I suppose I might as well tell him now.
While I doubt that he’d show up at my old place, considering he had never been there, I didn’t want to deal with his anger about it later if he felt embarrassed in any way by not knowing.
And I suppose it is the right thing to do to let the only parent who is in my life know where I am.
This is his chance to step up and be the dad I think he could be. I’m not expecting perfection, but I would like to see some sort of improvement. Even just a glimpse of real care would go a long way.
How sad is that?
Kelly does a double take before her eyes soften as she looks at me. “Helen,” her voice is bright, and there’s not the fake edge to her voice that’s there when she’s in work mode, “it’s so good to see you. I’ve been missing you around here.”
My shoulders slump slightly because while I would have seen Kelly around town, even if I was avoiding Dad and his office, I haven’t really been around. Not for a while.
Once I realized Rhodes could be called out at any time as Sheriff, I hated the idea of him needing to drive farther than needed, especially when considering how unpredictable the weather can be. I was not going to be the reason to add danger to my man’s life. Nope, no fucking way.
“I’m sorry,” I keep my voice low out of respect for my dad’s position more than concern for his judgement, “I haven’t been around as much.”
Kelly gives me a small smile and leans over her desk toward me. “Is it because you’ve been spending all your free time with a certain Sheriff?” Her eyes sharpen, an accusation on the edge of her tone, “He better be treating you right.”
“Absolutely,” I chirp brightly with amusement in my voice. “He’s amazing. I love him.”
Kelly does a little dance in her seat before gripping my hand tightly. “I’m proud of you for finding something that is all for you. Hold it tight and don’t let anyone take it from you. Love is worth fighting for when it’s right and as long as it doesn’t hurt you.”
I suck in a sharp breath and need to blink a few times to hold back my tears. While I don’t need anyone’s permission to love Rhodes or to choose myself, having it from this woman who has helped me learn how to navigate life without a mother, is special.
“Thank you,” my voice is thick with emotion and the smile on my face doesn’t feel forced, it feels grateful.
Kelly glances at the door and bites her lip. “He’s in a meeting right now,” her voice is strained.
I study her face, but I have no idea what has made her nervous. She doesn’t give anything away, but it’s not like I have any right to know about my dad’s business beyond being a citizen of Dogwood Ridge. He’s always cared more about the job than his girls anyway.
Or maybe that’s not fair.
Because I can’t begin to know what kind of deal or plan he made with my mother before it all went to hell. Maybe part of him did care about me and Jessi at some point.
Maybe he just never knew how to show affection.
Internally, I shake my head at myself because I am done making excuses for him.
As long as he doesn’t switch his focus to Jessi, having some distance with Dad has felt good. I’ve been less stressed and I haven’t gotten lost in anxiety loops. It’s also possible that the number of orgasms I’ve been having has helped.
I’m not going to say it’s not a factor.
A very delicious factor.
Before I can get lost in the memories of the way Rhodes touches me, which would be very inappropriate considering where I am right now, the door to my dad’s office opens. I’m momentarily stunned when Thad walks through the door with Dad right behind him.
I throw up a little in my mouth when I see the practiced politician smile on Dad’s face as he looks at Thad. While I can’t exactly ask the man to stonewall my ex just because he is my ex, this stings in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
Thad sees me first and the smile on his face turns lascivious.
It makes my skin crawl, and I almost take a step back from the pair of them.
When I glance at Kelly, she as an apologetic look on her face, but it’s not like she can control who my dad meets with.
She just controls whether someone gets decaf or regular.
I hope she gave Thad decaf.
Dad sounds surprises when he exclaims, “Helen!”
When I look at him, he flinches back from the cold look in my eyes. He clears his throat and, for the first time I can remember, Dad looks uncertain and even a little embarrassed.
That should give me the feeling of vindication, but it doesn’t.
Thad opens his mouth to say something offensive, I’m sure, but I cut my eyes in his direction, my words like knives, “Don’t say a damn thing. You’re the last person I want to hear a word from.”
Dad gasps, his voice filled with censure, “Helen, you can’t speak to people that way.”
I arch an eyebrow and direct my gaze toward Dad.
My words are slow and measured, “Are you saying I should play nice with a man who cheated on me, and has been a pain in my ass ever since? He never misses an opportunity to be a complete asshole to me. He lives to be derogatory and I’m not going to simply roll over and take it. Not anymore.”
Kelly covers her mouth to hide her smile while both men gape at me like ridiculous guppies. I’m about to turn around and walk away, but then Thad scurries away and I figure now is as good a time as any to ensure Dad learns I won’t be shouldering his expectations anymore.
I square my shoulders and then breeze into my dad’s office without looking back.
My heart is pounding hard against my sternum as I manage to convey confidence that feels fake, but I hope it looks convincing.
Dad follows me but I have a feeling it’s because he doesn’t want to miss the chance to scold me.
Right on time, he hisses, “What the hell was that, Helen?”
I turn around slowly, not bothering to take a seat. My gut is telling me this visit won’t be useful or long. It’s such a shame he never truly saw how special Jessi and I are. We could have helped him heal after our mother walked out.
“You weren’t the only one abandoned,” the words slip past my lips before I can think about the impact they’ll have and the ripples they will cause.
Dad freezes in place and he stares at me. Just stares at me. Shocking him gives me a thrill I fear that I’ll never get used to.
I clear my throat because if I’m in for a penny then I’m in for a pound.
“I’m done making myself small and shouldering all your expectations to make you happy.
I’m a grown ass woman. You can no longer tell me what to do or expect me to act a certain way just because you’re the mayor.
You’ve always been a mayor first and a father second, but it should have been the other way around. ”
Something crumbles in my father’s expression, and his shoulders falls as he shuffles toward his desk. By the time he sits in his chair, he’s cobbled together a little bit of bravado. But it’s weak at best.
“I taught you better than to speak to your elders like this,” his tone is stern, but here’s a tremor there he can’t quite hide.
My eyes close and I take a deep breath that I can only hope is cleansing. It isn’t.
“This isn’t about respect or anything else.” My eyes snap open and I look at my dad and see him clearly for the first time. He’s looking around like he wants to escape this conversation, but we’ve barely scratched the surface.
“I’ve moved in with Rhodes Wilder,” I blurt out the words like I’m ripping off the illusion of a band aid while knowing the scab will go with it.
“You did what?” Dad blinks at me a few times before shaking his head. “If you’re doing this to get back at me for something, then you need to grow up.”
My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. “I’m not doing a damn thing for any other reason than I wanted to.
For my entire life, I thought that I had to devote my life to you and Jessi, that I was never going to be able to dream of more or something just for me.
I’ve shrunk myself to make it easier for you, and I don’t want to do it anymore. ”
“You’re being so dramatic,” he dismisses me with his voice and with a waved hand.
“No,” I bark out the word and Dad’s eyes snap to mine and I can see the genuine surprise on his face, “I’m not being dramatic.
I’m not some little woman who should remember her place either.
” I study the man in front of me. “If you’re not careful, you’ll lose any chance of being in my life.
You won’t be in the life I build with Rhodes either. ”
I can see the moment Dad realizes what I’m saying and what it truly means. His face pales slightly, but I can also see he’s not ready to let go of his pride or his ego.
What a shame.
I nod once and turn to leave Dad’s office.
I throw back over my shoulder, “When you figure out that your office is not your home and realize everything you’re missing, let me know.
Until then, don’t expect me to continue to pretend to be a happy family.
Rhodes is my family. Jessi is my family.
I’ll build a life with those who love me.
Inclusion is not automatic just because of blood. ”
My heart is pounding hard in my chest as I slip through the door. I lean my back against it for a moment and look up to find Kelly studying my carefully.
“You’re glowing,” she whispers the words like they’re sacred.
“I’m happy,” I counter because it’s true.