Chapter 25 #2
“Perhaps it just occurred to me that there might be a way all of this plays out where we find ourselves on the same side,” Ellie admitted uneasily.
“And I suppose I’m trying to figure out how I would feel about that.
If Jacobs wasn’t on this quest of his any longer—this search for justice—do you think he would still be dangerous? ”
“I’m sure he’d be just fine… until someone got in his way again.”
Ellie put a hand to her head as her temple throbbed. “You’re right.”
Adam gazed down at her steadily. “I’m never going to trust the man, Ellie. He’s tried to hurt you, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s a line nobody gets to cross.”
“I would never ask you to trust him,” Ellie assured him.
The words rang oddly in her ears.
Adam’s tone shifted to one of quiet concern. “What about you? I’m not the only one here pretending to be someone I’m not… Mrs. Bates.”
Ellie was thrown by the question. “Oh! But that’s not the same thing at all.”
“Isn’t it? You never wanted to be married. You’ve got some pretty damned good reasons for that. And now you’re stuck masquerading as my wife.”
Ellie opened her mouth to respond—and the words died in her throat.
You’re going to have to become fake married.
She hadn’t yet found an opportunity to bring Constance’s breezy suggestion up to Adam. This seemed like an absolutely wretched time to try, when he’d just bared his soul to her about how much it was hurting him to have to pretend to be someone else with Borthwick.
But if she didn’t, would that mean she was only biding her time for a moment where Adam might be more willing to agree to live a lie with her?
No—that was precisely why she had to do it now. If she hid the notion from him when she was still seriously contemplating it herself, then she was lying to him—or even worse, hoping he’d change the part of himself that inconvenienced her.
Never, Ellie vowed fiercely.
Steeling herself, she sat down on the bedroll and drew up her knees. “While we’re on the subject…”
Adam looked from the blankets to his damp trousers.
“You could take them off,” Ellie suggested.
“Slept in worse.” Adam kicked off his boots and dropped beside her.
Kalb flopped down at his side, gazing up hopefully. With a sigh, Adam rubbed his belly. The dog melted into the gesture.
Weariness was written in the slump of Adam’s shoulders. “On the subject…?” he prompted.
Ellie drew in a breath and got to it. “Constance has suggested that perhaps utilizing a fiction of sorts around our actual marital status might be a valid way of navigating our rather unique situation.”
“You lost me,” Adam informed her bluntly.
“She thinks we should pretend to be married,” Ellie blurted out.
Adam’s brows arched with surprise. “But you’d hate that.”
“I would?”
“Pretending to be married?”
“To you,” Ellie emphasized. “I know it would look like I was going along with an institution that I fervently oppose, but we wouldn’t be—not really—and we would both know that. We’d just be… choosing who we decided to share that with.”
Adam looked thoughtful.
Ellie hurried on, her stomach lurching with worry. “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have even brought it up. I’d be asking you to do exactly what you just told me has been so dreadfully bad for you—living a lie.”
He shook his head. “It’s not the same thing at all.”
“It isn’t?”
His brow rose. “Pretending I want to marry you? That’s not a lie, Ellie.
I already told you, I would’ve asked you weeks ago if I thought you’d be open to the idea.
It’s not lying to pretend to do something I would’ve happily done all along.
Hell—in a way it’d be more honest than what we have been doing. ”
Hope fluttered up in Ellie’s chest, light and fragile. “It would be?”
“What do you think’s more real? Pretending I’m just your brother’s friend, and then sneaking off to fool around with each other when no one’s looking?” He traced his fingers along the line of her jaw. “Or telling the world that we’re crazy about each other?”
Hope welled up in Ellie, turning real.
Adam drew her down to the bedroll, wrapping his arm around her back. Ellie tucked herself against his side, her head resting on his bare shoulder.
She traced her fingers over the familiar contours of his chest. “I have been thinking of what Zeinab said back in Egypt—that we don’t have to fight tyranny by banging on the door.
And we don’t. It’s none of their business how we’ve chosen to love each other.
Or what we do to protect that love in the face of a world that refuses to understand it. ”
His face darkened with worry again. “I just don’t want to let you down.”
“Who’s voice is that?” Ellie chided him softly.
“This time? Mine.”
Understanding snapped into place with a wrench. “Pretending to be that other Adam is hurting you.”
“And keeping us all alive,” Adam countered.
“For now. But don’t you dare forget who you really are underneath it all. That’s the man I chose—and I was quite certain I would never choose any man at all, given how insufferable most of them are. That ought to tell you how truly extraordinary you are.”
Adam traced his hand along the side of her face. “What I’m mostly feeling right now is lucky.”
Kalb perked up, his tail whacking happily against the ground.
“Luck had nothing to do with it,” Ellie countered quickly.
“With you landing on me in British Honduras?”
“Well—maybe that, a little. But not everything that came after.”
“I dunno, Princess.” Adam’s lip quirked with a hint of mischief. “I think we’ve had more than a few good turns.”
“Those are entirely down to my studies and your extensive repertoire of skills.”
“Extensive, huh?”
Ellie blushed. His comment gave her ideas, as it had been meant to. Not that she could act on them in the middle of an enemy camp with soldiers patrolling outside. “You know perfectly well what I mean.”
Adam gentled with an aching tenderness. “I guess I do.”
Tears pricked at the corners of Ellie’s eyes. She dropped her head back to his chest again, holding him as worry, fear, and love mingled inside of her. “I’m going to get you out of here—you, and Vanika, and even your terrible dog.”
“He’s a good boy,” Adam protested tiredly.
Kalb dropped down against Ellie’s back with a sleepy huff and a soft warmth.
“He is… tolerable,” Ellie allowed.
“He’s gonna grow on you. Just wait.” Adam yawned, exhaustion apparent in every line of his frame. “And I’m supposed to be the one getting you out.”
“We will both leverage our respective skills, I’m sure.”
Quiet settled in around them.
“Adam?”
“Hmm?” he returned, a little dull with sleep.
She lifted her head to look down at him. “There’s a reason it feels awful—what you’re doing with Borthwick.”
He opened his eyes, watching her.
“It’s because that man—the one your father tried to turn you into—isn’t who you are. And it never would have been. Not in any imaginable universe.”
She saw the impact of the words—and was glad that she had said them.
“Get some sleep, Princess,” Adam finally said.
Sandwiched between the warmth of the man she loved and his blasted dog, Ellie let the night claim her.