Chapter Thirty-Nine
With every life that flashed across the machine's screen, it learned more.
It pulled the knowledge from my mind as I watched, eavesdropping on my thoughts.
I had expected this, but it still worried me.
Eighty souls might be enough for it to learn how to judge fairly.
But I was hoping my last curveball would be impossible to hit.
As I watched and reacted, I also worried about my husbands. How long had I been in the machine? I couldn't say. They had to be frantic by now, but I had no way of letting them know what was happening. At least they'd see the corrections the machine had made in the realms and take it as a good sign.
The judging was constant; no reprieves. Would it be like this if I lost?
At least my immortality kept me from tiring.
It probably helped that it was my mind at work instead of my body.
Nevertheless, my head drooped with relief when the machine sent the eightieth soul to its afterlife. I needed this to be done.
“What is wrong with you?” A.D. asked.
“I am not a machine. Working nonstop takes a toll on me.”
“I understand.”
Are you ready to judge a soul of my choosing?”
“Yes, I am ready. I have designed a procedure for judging souls based on your observations. Which soul shall I judge? There are hundreds waiting. Would you like to inspect them?”
“That will not be necessary. The soul you will judge is mine.”
A.D., still in the form of a sloth, went so still that I thought it was a glitch.
“A.D.?”
“You are not dead. Your soul is not ready to be judged.”
“You can judge a soul before the body is dead. In fact, it should be easier for you. Now, judge me. Am I good or bad? Should I be rewarded or punished?”
“I did not agree to judge you.”
“You did not stipulate that my soul was not to be selected.”
A.D. glared at me from his sloth face—kind of terrifying—but then it nodded. “You must open yourself completely. Hold nothing back. I cannot judge you properly if you hide things from me.”
“I promise to open my mind completely, giving you access to my memories and the accompanying emotions. You will have everything you need to make your analysis.”
“Very well.” The golden sloth shot forward, much faster than any real sloth could move, and entered my mental body.
My back bowed as it sank into me, diving into my mind to dig up every hidden thought and memory. It searched and searched, but with my willingness, it didn't take long for it to download my entire life.
With a whoosh, A.D. separated its consciousness from mine. Standing before me, it sifted and sorted. Its eyes shook, vibrating as the territory had done earlier. A screen appeared behind it. I expected to see something violent. Perhaps my first kill. Instead, it was the very beginning of me.
A rapid heartbeat echoed through the metal room. Red-tinted flesh twitched on the screen. A fetus appeared. I gaped at the scene. What could a fetus possibly do that required judgment?
A glow appeared. It brightened the womb. I went still, knowing what this was. Odin. This was the moment he had put my soul into a fetus. Oh, fuck.
My soul was the light. It seeped into that tiny body, Odin's chanting voice guiding me home.
But that home was already occupied. As my soul sank into the fetus, it drove another light out, sending back to the Void or whatever soul well it had come from.
It wasn't murder, but it was theft. A terrible theft.
Squaring my mental shoulders, I demanded, “And how do you judge me for this?”
“I judge this act as fifty percent bad.”
“Fifty percent? Interesting. You are judging each event with a percentage.”
“Yes, it is more accurate.”
“And why fifty?”
“Because you had no control over Odin placing you in that fetus. You did, however, have the chance to refuse to stay. You could have moved on instead of ejecting that soul.”
“Could I?”
“Yes. Your soul was aware of what was happening. You had all of your memories at that point. You knew what you did was wrong.”
I didn't agree with that, but I wasn't going to tell A.D. So, I just nodded. “Proceed.”
We sped through my childhood, with most of my significant events being weighed as good.
That was more unusual than you may think.
Children can be terrible. It takes some time before they understand the difference between right and wrong.
We are all born selfish creatures—it's integral to our survival.
We learn to share, help others, and speak the truth.
So, although souls may be judged for childhood evils, they are usually judged with mercy.
At least, that's what I'd taught the machine to do.
I wasn't a normal child, though. Most reincarnated souls lose their memories.
Because of the way Odin put me in that fetus, I didn't. To protect itself, my mind suppressed my memories of my past life.
I didn't remember being Sabine, but some things slipped through.
Knowledge came to me without study. I'd been a witch prodigy, performing spells far beyond my years.
Once I met Odin and he told me the truth, my memories of him and my past life surfaced.
So, maybe that's why I'd been a good child.
I'd known right and wrong from the beginning.
A.D. also judged me fairly when I killed Ku.
It determined the act was self-defense and therefore minimally bad.
The many kills that followed, however, were judged more harshly.
I had spent a long time hunting gods and killing them when they were vulnerable before I met Thor and learned the truth about the God War.
After I met Thor, the machine's judgment shifted toward good.
I again disagreed with the machine's analysis.
Yes, I'd done bad things, committing murder, but I'd done them believing I was protecting myself and humankind.
In my opinion, that made a difference. The machine should have known that.
I did not guide it as promised. I was waiting for the right moment to question it—when my question would cause the most damage.
So, I remained silent and kept a mental tally.
It deemed my work with the God Squad mostly good.
There were moments of evil, but generally, I did the right thing, according to A.D.
It even judged Siff's death as self-defense.
There were so many events for him to analyze, and it was hard to keep focused on my goal when my life was passing before my eyes. I'd forgotten so much.
The more A.D. saw of my life, the more invested it became.
It was analyzing every action carefully, unlike the quick view it took of the lives of other souls.
There was too much at stake for it to rush, but that slow, careful analysis worked against it.
Like reading a good book or getting lost in a movie, diving deeply into my life forced the machine to experience it.
It gasped when Anubis stabbed me, and growled when magic forced me to go to him.
A.D. cringed and looked away from my repeated rapes, even shuddering.
It went still when my grandfather passed, and sighed when I met Azrael in the middle of a plague.
Then came my sojourn to Faerie. Once more, things changed.
The machine shuddered around me as it tried to judge my actions in three realms. I was bound to multiple men by then, and yet, I gave myself to Arach.
But that was because he stole my memories.
He hunted me and then seduced me. Arach confused the machine as much as he had confused me.
It was kind of nice to watch another consciousness react to my life with sympathy and indignation. Especially when that consciousness shouldn't be able to feel anything. I guess we all want to be seen.
“I am . . . unsure,” A.D. said. “You were the only hope for an entire fey race. But you made vows to the other men. You betrayed them, but did so unknowingly. Arach tricked you into sexual intercourse with him, but after you discovered his treachery, you forgave him. You understood why he acted as he had.” It looked at me.
“You have a generous heart, and yet, you can be merciless against those who harm the ones you love. You are human, but also God. And now, Fey. How do I judge gods and faeries? Should I judge them by a different standard?”
“Should you?” I raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps it depends on what they believe? Should you judge people based on what they believe or on what you believe? What is morality in this situation? Was Arach a hero for doing everything he had to do to ensure the continuation of his race? Or was he a monster for abducting me and tricking me into sex? Was it rape or coercion? I went willingly to his bed, but only because he told me I belonged there. What percentage have you decided upon?”
Smoke trickled into the room. A high-pitched whirring came.
A groan rocked the room. Through my connection to A.D.
, I felt something break. Fey magic swept through the room—the magic condenser.
Within A.D.'s faltering certainty, the condenser found a chance to free itself.
And once the condenser had disconnected, the god relics were released from their bond.
They weren't separated from the machine, but still, they were no longer united.
That alone would cause the machine to malfunction, but it was focused on judging me, not incoming souls. For the moment, the realms were safe.